Monday, November 29, 2010

Love Is Part of Everyone's Life

Like what the titles had said...Love Is Part of Everyone's Life.

~~**♥**~~

We never know when i'll come and when it'll go. Today, I was talking to my friend about his girlfriend... He was quite depress about it cause he felt that his girlfriend doesn't love him anymore... Just because his girlfriend didn't send him a 'I Love You' after the word goodnight... =.= And also his girlfriend didn't like him to keep asking her whether does she till love him...=.=

And yesterday, one of my friend told me her boyfriend need to be forced. Otherwise they wouldn't be startiong a relationship today... And her sister said hers was going down... Hers was clif hanging for like 4 years and now the guy was kinda trying to tell her 'Teachers and students can't get along.'

In another case, both of them are very close friends to going beyond friends. They would do what most couples would do but they are not in real fact. This is definately cliff hanging cause neither of them would confess and make things clear.

And the last case, my friend likes a guy and do felt that the guy does like her too. But then she was holding hands and stuff with another guy who is not her boyfriend or whoever. She felt sorry towars the guy she likes and ended up giving up the one she likes and ended the friendship with the other. Yea, she's miserable I tell you.

~~**♥**~~

Different people has different thinking about LOVE in their own way. To me, love is still nothing to me. I'm always being hanging around until I fall. Then i hang around again and then i fall again. (I'm the one who usually drop it). Yes, I admit, in my whole of 19 years, I never had a boyfriend. But I'm pretty sure most of them are cliff hanging cause neither of us would wanna confess so we ended up arguing, quarelling, avoiding then eventually, after a long period of time, we just became friends again then later on, we got our own life and we just went different ways... Yea, it's complicated...

Or can I just say, all the guys I met that I kinda like are just too useless to even confess? To me, a guy should confess! (A few of my guy friends are confessed by girls...which I do think they are really useless) If they don't even have the courage to just confess, what courage would they do for the girl in future? Don't care whether the girl loves the guy or not, but at least try, right? >o<

Recently, I just drop. I was being cliff hanging for like a few months... Then I couldn't stand it and just drop it. He's just being too annoying even before we start. And I sense that he didn't have the courage to confess so just drop it. Tho I'm not sure whether he likes me or not but it's just many people says yes. Whatever~

~~**♥**~~

For the first case above, his was over reacting... Maybe his girlfriend just got tired. And since his girlfriend didn't like him to keep asking her, then just don't ask right?

Second one, she's totally happy now. So, she's fine. And her sister, she should just stop messaging him and stop thinking about him. And since their age are like 10years difference.

Another one, it's either the guy loves her but not sure whether she loves him or not. Or he just thought of her as a sister so he just went beyond that thinking it was nothing. So, it's either the girl ask the guy or she would be just cliff hanging until the guy told her.

And the last one... Speechless. I've nothing to say... @.@

~~**♥**~~

There are lots and lots of Love Cases in this world... These are only like 0.000000001% or even less...>.<

~~**♥**~~

Anyway, to me, loving arashi will never hurt me forever~ So, I LOVE ARASHI~!!! <333 XD But in real life, if there's really a chance, I would really wanna confess to Satoshi or Sho and be with them~ XD <333 This, I don't mind if they don't confess cause I'm gonna be the one~ ^o^


**End**

Friday, November 26, 2010

My Ichiban's 30th Birthday~!!!

It's finally 26th November~!!!

It's my beloved OHNO SATOSHI's 30th Birthday~!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OH-CHAN~!!! <333

I wish Oh-chan to live a HAPPY live forever~!!! ^o^

I wish Oh-chan to stay ADORABLE and never change anything forever~!!! ^^

I wish Oh-chan to stay HEALTHY forever~!!! :3

I wish Oh-chan to have a great birthday this year~!!! *O*

And I wish Oh-chan a very happy birthday~!!! <333

~!!!

I LOVE YOU FOREVER...And I always will~!!! <333

OTANJOUBOMEDETOU, OH-CHAN~!!! <333


**End**

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

3 days

3 days to go for my dear dear OHNO SATOSHI's 30th Birthday~!!! ♥♥♥

His last days of being 20s... Proceeding to 30! XD But I still wonder how he manage to look younger and more handsome and cool every year~ ^O^ ♥

Ahh~ I feel like hugging my Satoshi~!!! XDDD ♥♥♥

Anyway,

I LOVE YOU FOREVER OH-CHAN~!!! ♥♥♥


**End**

Aiba Masaki Starring A Drama

♥ 4 more days to go for my dear OHNO SATOSHI's 30th Birthday~!!! ♥

I can't wait for this day to come! And I can never believe he's actually turning 30 this year and yet, he;s looking younger and younger every year~ ^O^

I LOVE YOU OH-CHAN!!! AND I ALWAYS WILL!!! ♥♥♥

~~**♥**~~

Well, actually I just got interested on this pic of Sho-chan and Aiba-chan in Arashi's Hatenai Sora's PV ^^"

~~**♥**~~

Ok...back to the main one. Aiba Masaki is staring in a new drama! ^^ It's based on a manga. It's not really an official news but Aiba-chan's photo was posted in a magazine with the manga picture in it XD

Bartender manga description::
Bartender follows the nightlife of Ryū Sasakura, a bartending prodigy who is said to mix the best cocktails anyone has ever tasted. Sasakura bides his time in a bar named Eden Hall, hidden in a nook of the Ginza district in downtown Tokyo. It is said that normal people cannot simply find and enter Eden Hall, but they must be invited in by the host. Over the course of the anime, various figures of high and low stature, all of who share unusual troubles and heavy burdens, are "invited" into Eden Hall and are treated to Sasakura's fine drinks, which, with guidance from the young bartender, lead the customers to reflect on their lives and decide on a course of action to tackle with their problems.
from wiki.

Slot should be Tv Asahi Fri at 11pm. So it should be shown after Nino's Freeter's last episode~ XD

Credit: matsubunny @ lj

Am soooooo excited~ Aiba-chan as a bar tender must be kakkoii~!!! XD


**End**

Friday, November 19, 2010

Some Random Pics

17th November 2010
Was a public Holiday.
I went out with some friends and juniors for some random photoshoot. It was quite nice but wasn't that fun. In addition to my worry-ness of my test for the next day~

 

~~**♥**~~
And yes, i'm a hand fetish~ XD I took a pic of my friend's long slender pretty hands~ ^o^"


 ~~**♥**~~
And I saw kitties~! ^^ the black kitty is so cute and fearless. Even after I went so near to it~ XD

And when it's sleeping... So adorable~ ^^

 
 And this big kitty too~ It's so fearless... Tho I sense that it's actually very alert about it's surrounding.

~~**♥**~~

Anyway, my friend decided to go to Bayan Lepas for sunset but then the other 2 juniors wanted to go home already. So, we had no choice but to drop them off and went to the mall a while.

I didn't expect them to go by 5pm actually. So I wasn't that satisfied about that day's shoot...

~~**♥**~~

18th November 2010
18th May 2009 was the day when I first met all my college orientation week friends. 18th May 2010 was our 1st year anniversary. And now, 18th November 2010 marks our 18th month anniversary. ^^

HAPPY 18th MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!! ♥

Anyway, I had a test that day. Was very greatful to my classmate who last minute correct my mistakes in my test paper tho we don't usually talk to each other. ^^ Thanks!! =D


**End**

Ohmiya & Sakuraiba

I read a fanfic this afternoon and I find it interesting...Tho the story line is quite normal... But it's how the writer present it~ ^^

~~**♥**~~

Title: Trust and Distrust
Pairings: Sakuraiba or Ohmiya (you can choose ^^)
Genre: Au, romance, and angst or fluff (you can choose ^^)
Rating: PG13
Beta[info]ice_colour I know I`m really irresponsible dis time...I`m sorry n thank u sooo much *hugs*
Disclaimer: I own them in my imagination~~ haha~~ okay...just my imagination XD
Author: nophee
Summary: Life is full of choices… Your choices change your life... Sometimes you would feel like it had been a bad choice and then some other times you would feel lucky because you had chosen the option that you think was the best for you... Specify your choice and the path your life would take here...
AN: The bold and italic for link to next part and you must choose one of them ^^
have fun and lets play together XD

FANFIC STARTS HERE

~~**♥**~~

Enjoy~ ^^


**End**

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

It Has Been A While

Yap. It has been a while now since I went out for a random photoshoot with my friends ^^ I was so happy.

12th November 2010

 
 
 
 
 

The thing here is...you see all the pics with the 'weeds' and a hand holding it? It isn't as easy to take a photo like that as I thought. It's all about angle... The main point here for me when I tried to take these pictures were:
1. The hand must not look fat!
2. The background must be the sky!
3. The weeds and the hand must look natural!

The thing is we're taking this pic from below which will make the hand look fat! >.< And if I'm the one holding the weeds with my left hand and taking the pic with my right hand, my hand will definately look fat and I'll lost angle! So I has my friend to hold it. But the thing is, your friend wouldn't know what angle you're trying to take. So you have to direct them which is kinda hard for me...

However, it came out quite well after lots of trails...>.<

~~**♥**~~
And the pic above, I tried using my new Close Up +4 filter! ^^ [Ah! So as the first pic]
It wasn't as good as I thought cause it's too blur if I put full f1.8~ @.@
But it's still good if I'm taking pics at home on my stuff~ XD

~~**♥**~~
 
 
 Photo taken by: Kyle KY           Edited by: Me, Ee Ling

Also, my friends and I did a few portrait shoots among ourselves~ XD I'm quite amused by the result taken by my friend!!! *O*
Especially the first 2 pics! I taught her a bit on the angle like how she should position me in the pic and result is the best! *O*
Never have I seen a pic of me nicely taken by other photographers without me looking puffy on my cheeks! ^O^
[The first sentence which came out when i first saw my pics taken by my friend was "Damn you, KY!!! I love you so much for these!!!" XD]

~~**♥**~~

I realized something when I became the so-called model that day. I do think that it's best for the model to know the photographer very well so they would be comfortable while the photoshoot is on. And most importantly, the model must enjoy him/herself!!!

Like me, I've been a temporary model [not that I volunteer myself! >.<] for like a few times, but this was the best experience I had and also the best pictures taken <333
Why? Cause I know the photographer very well =)
In addition of I, myself is a photographer, so I would know which angle is the best for myself =3
And also, the smile on a model's face. Whether it's fake or natural. If the model him/herself enjoys the photoshoot, it's obviously their smile will be the best! [Yea, I was laughing a lot that day compare to the previous ones, I wasn't even enjoying so how should I smile]
As for the posing, the model him/herself should know very well. As a photographer, i do think that it's not necessary for them to know how to pose and teach the models. It's the model's job to do their homework and pose for the photographers cause only the models know which angle taken suits them the best and which posing suits them the best. The photographer's job is to direct a bit if the posing isn't that suitable.

Anyway, I really learn a lot through the other day's random photoshoot :D

~~**♥**~~

Oh yea...one thing I wanna say tho I know it's not something which is necessary:
I fail my mid term business economics test~ T^T
For the 4th time in my life (while I'm still studying) I fail a test and for the first time in my college life I fail my test! >.<
And yet, for this subject, i study like hell!!! >.< Damn it~


**End**

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Situations

Ok...it has been a while since I post something here cause I was too busy... @.@

My original plan is to post about mobile phones which are not available in Malaysia but...I'll post it some other time cause I'm too lazy to search back the sources and stuff...>.< Sorry~

Anyway, today is about situations.

I'm gonna take arashi as my example ok?

I'm now Nino.
1. I know Ohno is mine in a special way but I still get jealous when I hear that Ohno and Jun goes out for lunches.
2. I do skinships with Ohno but I'm trying my best to do it with Sho.


I am now Ohno.
1. I am close to Nino but I too like Jun. I can't decide who should I choose.
2. I always space out but then is always read by Nino.
3. I don't like how Jun always comment on my style and stuff.


I am now Aiba.
1. I have Sho with me now, but I don't like him to be too sociable with many other people.
2. I like freedom and I don't like Sho to control my lifestyle
3. Nino is my best friend but I can't help him when he's in trouble cause I don't really understand him as much as I thought I do.


I'm now Sho.
1.Skinship is fine but I would like you to make things clear what that skinship is for otherwise I wouldn't feel comfortable with it.
2. I am sociable and I expect you to accept that fact.
3. I am the mother of Arashi, somehow, it gives me stress sometimes


I'm now Jun.
1. I expect you to tell me everything.
2. I'm a Do-S.


It's all fictional but it's based on their characteristic that I'm writting.




**End**

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Goodnight

Damn...I read another fanfic which made me cry again~ T^T
This fic was recommended by Anna-chan ^^

It wasn't so interesting at the very beginning until the middle part comes....
Written by bulkyass-san ...

~~**♥**~~

Title: Goodnight
Pairing: Ohno/Nino
Rating: PG?
Word Count: 4,338
Disclaimer: How I wish I own them.
Summary: Ohno found Nino at his favorite park. He didn't know when it started being theirs when before, it was only his.
Author's Notes: AU. For [info]calerine <3
Author: bulkyass

The trees swayed to the wind, a sweet smell lingering in the air. Ohno breathed deeply, wanting to soothe his heart. He could smell the flowers nearby, he could feel the grass underneath his feet. He could almost taste the freedom in the air. These were the kind of days Ohno liked best, the kind where you could feel the beauty of the earth. In days like these, Ohno felt more than alive, and he could feel the love from every little thing. Love from the trees, the road, the air, even from the little butterflies flitting around.

Love from Nino.

~~**♥**~~

“It hurt him, can’t you see?” A pair of eyes glared at him.

Ohno hadn’t meant to throw an apple and hit the dog, really, he hadn’t. He was just trying to see if he could throw his apple from his spot under his favorite tree in his favorite park to the little pond across. It was just bad timing that this man, who wouldn’t stop snarling at him, decided to play with his dog in the way of his apple, therefore resulting in a yelp and a bruise. On the apple, not the dog.

“I didn’t mean to,” Ohno said, hoping he look sincere enough. It was just an apple.

“I need to have him checked,” the man said, his pale face stubborn. “What if he got an injury from that? You don’t know how hard you threw that, what if he starts bleeding internally?”

Ohno bit his lip. Surely he couldn’t have thrown it that hard? “I’ll uh, if you want, we’ll get him to the vet. I’ll come with you.”

Pale Face raised his eyebrows. “Well, I wouldn’t want you to come with us, do I?” He patted his dog’s head. “What if you turn your story around while we’re at the vet? You could get me in trouble.”

“I won’t do that,” Ohno said feebly, patting his pocket to make sure he had his wallet.

“Tell you what,” Pale Face smirked. “You treat me to lunch and we’ll call it even. I’ll take him to the vet myself.” His eyes opened. “Oh but wait, if I don’t like the food, you’re taking Nana-chan to the vet.”

“What? You could easily say you hate the food,” Ohno said accusingly.

“Hey,” Pale Face pointed a finger at Ohno’s nose. “You hurt my dog. I get to say what I want to.” He tugged at his dog’s leash and began to walk.

Ohno picked up his bruised apple where it lay forgotten on the ground and followed.

~~**♥**~~

“So, uh, are you going to tell me your name?” Ohno watched Pale Face pick at his fries.

Pale Face looked up. “Nino.”

Nino. “Hi, Nino.” Ohno tried to smile.

Nino looked at him with a blank look on his face and took a bite out of his hamburger. Beside him, sitting on the floor, Nana-chan panted.

“Hi, apple,” Nino snorted.

“N-no, my name’s not Apple,” Ohno started to say before realizing Nino was laughing at him.

“I know,” Nino smiled at him. “Thanks for the food, by the way, Apple.”

“It’s Ohno, not Apple,” Ohno pouted.

“Okay, Oh-chan, Apple it is,” Nino finished off his burger. He wiped his mouth with a napkin and stood up, tugging Nana-chan’s leash.

Ohno sat there stumped as Nino made his way out of the diner. When Nino reached the door, he turned around and flashed Ohno a smile.

“Thanks for the treat,” Nino said smugly.

As Nino exited, Ohno looked down at his fries and frowned. “I think I got tricked.”

~~**♥**~~

Ohno put a piece of curry bread inside his mouth, chewed and savored the flavor he loved so much and then... choked.

“Acckkk!” Ohno thumped at his chest, trying to clear his airway. His mind spurred into overdrive, thinking of his own funeral and AIR, WHERE IS AIR, I NEED AIR---

A fist began to hack away at his back and a water bottle appeared in his line of vision. He grabbed at the bottle and chugged the contents, eyes swimming.

“What an old man you are,” a snide voice said next to his ear.

Ohno whipped his head around to see Nino, a smirk on his face. “What are you doing here?” Ohno gasped out, realizing Nino’s hand was on his shoulder.

“What, is this your park now?” Nino raised his eyebrows. “I was taking a walk and then I saw you, looking like you were about to gag your brains out.”

“That, uh, thanks,” Ohno said, straightening up. He took a good look at Nino, noting the other guy’s flaming cheeks. “You look healthy.”

Nino’s eyes flashed with something Ohno can’t understand. “What do you mean?” He said quietly.

“It’s just,” Ohno was startled. “You have some color on you now,” He tried to explain, as Nino’s eyes were narrowing. “You look kind of pale. The other day. Time. Uh.”

Ohno thought Nino was going to snap at him but then he suddenly smiled, a gentle one. “Ohno-san, you want to take a walk?”

~~**♥**~~

“Grass and flowers and tress and everything are awesome, aren’t they?” Nino trailed his fingers lightly against some wild flowers that dotted the park.

“You don’t seem the type to like flowers,” Ohno observed.

Nino shrugged. “I really don’t, huh?”

Ohno watched Nino closely. Given that he didn’t know anything about the young man walking beside him, he can detect something akin to sadness. Or loneliness. Or something.

“So, uh, where do you live?” Ohno asked.

“Not far from here.”

“Oh.”

They kept walking in silence, Ohno’s eyes sweeping towards Nino. Nino had a small but troubled smile on his face and for some reason, Ohno wanted it gone.

He reached up and touched a finger to Nino’s cheek. Nino started and turned his head.

Ohno shook his head.

~~**♥**~~

For a whole month after the choking incident, Ohno saw Nino at the park everyday. They took walks and played with Nana-chan, sometimes until dark, sometimes only until Ohno had to go to help at the gallery. Nino still wouldn’t say what he did for a living, or if he had any job at all. Ohno didn’t even know if Nino was a student.

He was just there, everyday, waiting for Ohno. And everyday, he smiled more.

But then Ohno arrived at their usual meeting spot after a tough day at an art show and Nino was nowhere around. Instead, a tall man with blond hair was there, with Nana-chan in his lap.

Ohno approached the man slowly and Nana-chan barked when she saw him.

The blond guy smiled at him. “Hi!”

Blond Guy’s smile was as bright as the sunshine Nino comments on everyday and Ohno realized with a start that he missed Nino. Already.

“You must be Apple!” Blond Guy said, ruffling Nana-chan’s hair. “I’m Aiba, nice to meet you.”

“Uh, hi, Aiba.” Ohno squatted down and petter Nana-chan. “Where’s your Nino?” He asked the dog quietly.

“Her Nino can’t take her to walk today,” Aiba said, still smiling brightly. “So he asked me instead. Well, he also said to look out for you. He talks about you all the time, Apple!”

Ohno looked up, not bothering to correct Aiba. “He talks about me?”

“Of course!” Aiba nodded enthusiastically. “He said he had a new best friend he met at the park, and I admit I was jealous at first, but then he seemed really happy everytime he talked about you so I just let it go. So I’m really happy I finally got to meet you!”

They’re best friends, Ohno thought. “So you’re Nino’s friend. You work together?”

“Oh, no, we went to school together, ever since we were young,” Aiba’s smile turned wistful and Ohno was reminded of Nino’s smile that day. Lonely. “I work at the hospital lab. I’m a Medical Technician.”

“And Nino?” Ohno inquired.

“He’s around,” Aiba shrugged his shoulders again.

Ohno blinked and sat down, crossing his legs. He felt exhausted. He was really looking forward to spending his afternoon with Nino and maybe getting dinner. He never realized until now how much he was looking forward to those times.

“Hey Apple?” Aiba was looking at Ohno sadly. “Thank you.”

Ohno was confused. “For what?”

The lonely look on Aiba’s face increased. “For making Nino smile.”

~~**♥**~~

When Ohno got to the park next day, Nino was there.

Nino smiled as Ohno lowered himself to sit down beside the younger man. “Sorry I wasn’t here yesterday.”

Ohno gave a smile, hoping Nino will understand it meant ‘Okay’. He inched closer and helped himself to one of Nino’s rice balls. His shoulder brushed against Nino’s and he was glad Nino didn’t pull away. If anything, it felt like Nino was snuggling it even more.

“I met Aiba yesterday,” Ohno chewed on his rice ball.

“So he said,” Nino brushed a grain of rice off Ohno’s lip.

Ohno halted.

Nino paused, eyes wide. “Sorry, it was just.. there.” He took his hand back and folded them in his lap.

Ohno noticed Nino was looking pale again. He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked extremely tired, lke he hadn’t slept for days and hadn’t seen sunlight. It was just yesterday he missed a walk, right?

“Where’d you go yesterday?”

Nino averted his eyes. “I had to do something. It’s not anything important.”

Ohno felt it. Nino was hiding something from him. Sure, they haven’t known each other for long years. He didn’t know anything about the guy apart from the things Nino told him, which was vague in all its entirety. But he felt like he had to be there for Nino and find out what it is he’s hiding. It was weird, the way he felt strongly for the thin man.

Ohno wondered what it was.

“Are you okay?” Out of all the things Ohno wanted to ask, it was that question that came out.

“Of course I am. Why would you ask that?” Nino’s tone changed.

“You look, I don’t know—“

“Tired? Sickly?” Nino said with a bite. “I get told that a lot.”

Ohno bit his tongue. Beside him, Nino was breathing deeply, like he was trying to stay calm.

“Nino,” he said, reaching out a hand. “Tell me.”

Nino closed his eyes and breathed deeply once more before looking into Ohno’s eyes. “Not now.” He touched Ohno’s hand gently and Ohno couldn’t resist closing his hand over it, squeezing hard. It was cold.

“Ow,” Nino chuckled.

Ohno didn’t let go and grabbed Nino’s other hand, squeezing it too.

Nino was looking at him with wonder in his eyes. “What about our walk?” A breeze blew and Nino shivered.

Ohno took off his jacket, thankful that he decided to wear it. It was a bit chilly when he left this morning. He draped it over Nino’s shoulders. “We’ll walk some other time. You should lie down.”

“I’m not sick, I’m fine,” Nino retorted, shrugging off the jacket.

“Nino.”

Nino stared at Ohno hard, and Ohno held the gaze just as strongly. “You should lie down, please.” Ohno said quietly.

It felt like years before Nino lowered his eyes and wrapped the jacket tightly around him. “S’cold.”

“I know,” Ohno put his arm around Nino’s shoulders and pulled him close. He rubbed at Nino’s arms, trying to provide more heat. The sun was still out, but the air was cold. Nino shivered more as he rested his head on Ohno’s shoulder.

Ohno could see Nino’s eyelashes flutter when he blinked. He could smell Nino’s hair, fresh and soft. He could feel Nino’s thin frame underneath his clothes.

He could feel.

“Why are you being like this?” Nino murmured, snuggling into Ohno.

“So you could trust me enough to tell me,” Ohno answered.

Nino snorted. “You’re pushy.”

Ohno paused. “Yeah, I guess I am!”

Nino laughed. He tilted his head up to look at Ohno. “Thank you.”

Ohno felt something warm spread through his chest. “Anything for a friend.”

“...A friend.”

Ohno blinked. Nino’s lonely smile was back again.

~~**♥**~~

It was dark.

Ohno looked out the window of the ramen shop and looked up at the sky. Stars were starting to come out. Beside him, Sho was sweating profusely as he slurped his extra hot and spicy ramen, a punishment for losing a dare.

“You can do it, Sho,” Ohno turned his head to find Jun smirking at Sho as he struggled to finish the bowl. He had promised to hang out with his two friends as he’d kind of neglected them, hanging out with Nino all the time. So there he was, watching Sho fail while thinking of Nino.

He didn’t know Nino’s number. Nino didn’t know his. What if Nino had come to the park and waited, and Ohno wasn’t there? What if he went home and decided he wouldn’t come back to the park anymore?

“For fuck’s sake, Jun, hand me that water will you?” Sho gritted out, hissing through his teeth. It must have been really spicy.

Jun chortled. “No.”

Ohno caught sight of a kid across the street who was playing with his dog. He was reminded of Nino and Nana-chan, running around in the park like they do almost everyday. The last three times they’d hung out, Nana-chan hadn’t been there. Nino had said she was too tiring to bring these days.

As Ohno thought of Nino’s smile, while listening to Jun and Sho’s combined cursing, a slow realization came over him.

He’s falling. In love. With Nino.

Ohno jumped up from his seat and grabbed his jacket and wallet. Jun and Sho stopped talking, looking up at him. Sho was still hissing.

“I have to go, I’m really sorry,” Ohno smiled apologetically.

“It’s Nino?” Jun said knowingly.

Ohno nodded. “I don’t know if he’s waiting for me, but I have to go.”

“Go ahead.” Jun smiled widely. Sho nodded, wiping his brow.

“I’ll see you,” Ohno went out to the street and started running.

~~**♥**~~

The park was deserted. Ohno didn’t know what came over him to think that Nino would still be there. It’s not like Nino’s the type to wait for someone so long, Ohno thought as he rounded the seesaws and headed to their tree.

It was lost on him how it turned from his tree to theirs.

Ohno stopped, breath hitching.

Nino was there. Sitting with his back against their tree, arms around himself. Ohno’s feet moved, rushing to get to Nino as quickly as possible.

“Nino! Nino?” Ohno dropped to his knees in front of the thin man and notice immediately that Nino was shivering madly. He took off his jacket and hurriedly wrapped it around Nino’s shoulders. “Nino, I’m here.”

Nino mumbled something.

“What?” Ohno tried to look at Nino’s eyes.

“You fucking made me wait!” Nino snapped his head up and glared at Ohno. “Where the hell have you been?”

Ohno swallowed. Nino was still shivering, he had to do something about that. “I was out with a couple of friends, I’m sorry.”

“At least I sent Aiba over when I couldn’t make it here!” Nino continued, voice rising. “I didn’t make you wait, you didn’t worry about whether or not I’m coming, I didn’t make you wait.

“Look, Nino, I’m sorry okay!” Ohno felt as if Nino was accusing him of something and he couldn’t resist retaliating. “You’re cold, we have to get you home.”

“Oh, now you worry, huh?” Nino raised his eyebrows and tried to stand up. “I’ve been out here for hours, I’m fine.” He said, even though Ohno could see he had trouble keeping his voice steady and keeping his teeth from chattering.

“No, you are not okay!” Ohno yanked on Nino’s arm. Nino tumbled back down on the damp grass, glaring at Ohno fiercely. “Stop trying to be stubborn and let me get you home.”

“I can go home just fine!” Nino yelled. He pulled his arm free.

“You’re acting like this is an obligation that I have to do!” Ohno snapped, anger welling up inside him. “I never said I’ll be here everyday, and I never told you to wait for me!”

Nino’s eyes grew wide. Ohno realized what he had just said and immediately wanted to take it back. “Nino, shit, I’m sorry,” he tried to reach out to Nino’s arms.

Nino moved away from Ohno and got to his feet, stumbling a little. “No, it’s okay. You’re right. I didn’t know that was how you felt.”

“Nino, don’t,” Ohno said, running his hand through his hair.

“No, I’m sorry,” Nino said in a flat tone and picked up his bag, letting Ohno’s jacket fall into a heap on the ground. “I’m going home.”

Ohno cursed and got up, pulling at Nino’s shoulder, turning the young man to face him. He stopped when he saw tears gathering on Nino’s eyes. His lips were pale, really pale.

No. He fucked up.

“I waited because,” Nino started, biting his lip. He wrapped his arms around himself again. “Because I wanted to see you, everyday. I thought of going home but then..” Nino blinked and a tear fell. “I really felt that you would show up, so I waited. I waited, Oh-chan. I wanted to see you.” Nino looked at Ohno fully. “I wanted to see you.”

Ohno hesitated for a second, before grabbing Nino into a forceful hug, mumbling apologies into Nino’s hair.

~~**♥**~~

“Are you sure you want to come inside?” Nino asked him irritably.

Ohno had insisted on taking Nino home, even though the latter kept on refusing. Ohno had won when Nino started sniffling and shaking worse. Nino had muttered threats under his breath until Ohno grabbed his hand.

He didn’t let go.

They were standing at the Ninomiya Family’s front door and Nino was trying to get Ohno to go home.

“Yes. I’m coming inside,” Ohno answered, a grin on his face.

“Alright, alright,” Nino groaned and opened the door. “Tadaima!”

“Kazu? Is that you?” A voice was heard and seconds later, the owner of said voice rushed out from what Ohno supposed, was the kitchen. “Where have you been? Do you know what time—are you cold? You’re shivering!”

“Mom, stop, I’m fine,” Nino pulled Ohno forward. “This is Satoshi.”

“Satoshi,” Mrs. Ninomiya repeated, a fond smile appearing on her face. “We’ve heard so much about you.”

“Ah, thank you,” Ohno bowed his head. Nino rolled his eyes.

“Mom, please,” Nino tugged at his Mom’s hand. “I’m cold, can I have some tea?”

Nino’s mom fussed over him, rubbing his arms for heat. “Sure thing, I’ll bring them up to your room.”

Nino gestured for Ohno to follow him and Ohno obliged. They descended the stairs and Ohno found himself in Nino’s room, which is surprisingly tidy.

“You don’t look like a clean freak, “ Ohno noted.

“Hmmm.”

Ohno turned his head and frowned. Nino was already under his covers and shaking. He hurried to Nino’s side. “Are you okay?”

“C-cold,” Nino said through gritted teeth.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Ohno asked, tucking Nino’s covers around his shaking frame tightly.

“D-duh,” was Nino’s reply.

Ohno was about to call for Nino’s mother when he caught Nino’s smile. He let out a breath. “You’re fine,” he said, smoothing away Nino’s hair from his forehead. “You’ll be fine.”

~~**♥**~~

“Thank you, Satoshi, really,” Nino’s mom bowed repeatedly.

“It’s okay,” Ohno said kindly.

Nino was already sleeping upstairs. Ohno had figured it was his time to leave.

“Please take care of my son,” Nino’s mom said gently. “He looks so happy everytime he comes home after hanging out with you.”

Ohno felt a little embarassed. “I will,” he tried to assure the woman.

Nino’s mom touched Ohno’s arm. “I’m sorry, too.”

“Eh? For what?” Ohno said, confused.

Nino’s mom had tears on her eyes as she said, “For not taking care of him better.”

~~**♥**~~

Nino was sick. Ohno had figured out that much. But he still wanted to hear it from Nino, he wanted it to come from Nino’s mouth, Nino’s voice.

“Cancer, final stages.” Nino’s mom had said last night and Ohno’s world spun. “His doctor said he had at least three months left. He stopped coming to treatments,” her eyes filled with tears. “It’s nearly been three months since he stopped.”

Ohno thought about how Nino had been pale when they first met. Three months ago. Almost. Had time really flown that fast? Or is it only ever fast when you don’t want it to be? Ohno flopped down on his bed and sighed. Nino.

No. He can’t lose Nino.

~~**♥**~~

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Ohno said as soon as Nino’s front door opened.

Nino had a guarded look on his face. He knew, then. “I figured it wasn’t any of your business. I wouldn’t want a new friend to pity me.”

Ohno lunged and took grabbed Nino’s arms hard. “Don’t say that. Not now.”

Nino trembled but he held Ohno’s gaze. “And now what? You’re going to tiptoe around me now, being all careful? I don’t want that, Oh-chan.”

“Stop.”

“No, you stop!” Nino breathed out, a defeated look on his face. “I’m dying, alright? There, I said it, I’m dying. I can’t make my life turn back to when I was healthy.”

Ohno swallowed, gripping Nino’s arms harder.

“I was ready for it.” Nino said forcefully, tears welling up. “I was. I did everything that was needed for me to go away peacefully. But then you came.”

Ohno’s breath hitched at his throat.

“And you fucking ruined it all, being all nice and—“ Nino let out a little sob. “I didn’t want this, I never wanted this to happen.”

Ohno didn’t know when he started crying himself. He wanted to hear it from Nino, but it hurt. It was real. Nino’s dying. And Ohno can’t do anything about it.

Nino was crying openly by then, trying to pull his arms free. Ohno felt that if he let go, he’ll never see Nino again. Ever.

He pulled at Nino and kissed him.

Nino kissed him back.

~~**♥**~~

Nino flicked a piece of grass at Ohno’s face and chuckled when Ohno stuck out his tongue at him. Ohno loved it whenever Nino laughed. It sounded so full of life, a huge contrast from the way Nino looked. If Ohno was to wish for something, it would have to be that he could be able to hear Nino’s laugh forever.

~~**♥**~~

“Hold on,” Nino breathed heavily.

“Are you tired?” Ohno put a hand around Nino’s waist and guided him to a bench.

“A little,” Nino smiled faintly. Ohno planted a kiss on his nose.

~~**♥**~~

Ohno chewed on his omelet with a smile. He grabbed a ketchup bottle and wrote Love you on Nino’s.

Nino smiled widely and wrote back on Ohno’s omelet, covering his writing with his hand.

Always.

~~**♥**~~

Nino moaned.

“Does it hurt?” Ohno mumbled into Nino’s neck.

Nino shook his head, arching up at Ohno. He whispered something.

“Hmm?” Ohno moved faster.

“I love you,” Nino said, the words ringing clearly inside Ohno’s head.

“I love you, Oh-chan.”

~~**♥**~~

Ohno’s footsteps sounded loud against the tiled floor of the hospital. People scurried out of his way. It’s hard to breathe.

He had to get there. Nino was waiting for him, Nino needed him. Ohno avoided a nurse who was writing something in a clipboard, yelling his apology over his shoulder. It can’t be, it can’t be. Ohno blinked furiously, refusing to cry. No. It can’t be.

He skidded to a stop outside Nino’s door. It was open, he could hear voices inside. He tried to steady his breath and pull himself together. This was Nino, it wasn’t anyone else. He could do this.

“Satoshi?”

Ohno started. Nino’s mom came into view, her face streaked with tears but with a smile on her face. “Come inside.” She held out her hand.

He stepped inside, keeping his head bowed. Nino’s mom gave him a tight hug. “I’ll leave you two alone. Be brave.” She whispered in his ear before letting him go.

When the door clicked shut, Ohno raised his head.

This wasn’t Nino. This wasn’t the man he loved. Ohno walked nearer the bed and trailed his finger down Nino’s arm.

Nino’s eyes fluttered and opened. He smiled, the very ghost of a smile Ohno loved. “Hi,” Nino whispered, his voice muffled by the oxygen mask.

Ohno swallowed, trying to get his throat to wokr properly. “Hi.”

“Come here,” Nino raised his hand a little.

Ohno hesitated.

“It’s me,” Nino raised his eyebrows, a sad smirk taking the place of his gentle smile.

“I know,” Ohno said, his voice coming out strained. He sat on the chair next to Nino’s bed and raised Nino’s hand to his lips.

“I love you,” Nino whispered. Ohno noticed painfully that Nino was trying to hold back his tears.

“You know I love you too, right?” Ohno said with a smile, hoping to make things light.

Nino smiled knowingly, tears running down the side of his head. “Oh-chan.”

Ohno sniffed. “Yeah?”

“Goodnight,” Nino said, crying quietly.

Ohno closed his eyes and laid his forehead on Nino’s, sobbing gently.

“Goodnight,” Ohno whispered, kissing Nino’s cheek, one last time.

~~**♥**~~

Ohno stared up at the blue sky, letting the sounds of the park relax him. There was a dog nearby. Kids near the pond were laughing. The sounds of the trees. The smell of the flowers, the grass.

Ohno felt loved.

~~**♥**~~

”Promise me you won’t cry?”

“What if I want to?”

“Then cry now. I don’t want to get all sappy when the time comes.”

“Nino. Don’t joke about this.”

“I’m serious. Cry now. That way it won’t be as hard.”

Ohno gave Nino a long stare.

“Always, right?” Nino mumbled, holding Ohno’s head with both hands. His tears flowed down.

“We don’t say goodbye,” Ohno gritted out.

Nino smiled.

“We don’t.”




**End** 

Separated

I read a fan fiction today which made me cry in the end...T^T
It's such a beautiful fic...
Written by: thereaper_nino

~~**♥**~~

Title: Separated
Pairing: Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.
Summary: After a year, Nino comes home. Nothing has changed from the day he left...
A/N: This is unbeta-ed, since my beta reader is so busy with her study (ganbatte ne!) so I might make mistakes m(-.-)m. And... it's angst. I don't know what came into me when I wrote this, and when I finished the last sentence - without realizing it, I cried. I don't know if I could convey the feeling to you, but I tried my best. Hope you will enjoy it ^^. Comments are really loved <33333 Author: Joly


~~**♥**~~


He finally came home.


It was a bright day with a cloudless sky and the warm sunlight was dancing happily on the ground lead to their house. The wind blew slightly through the trees in the garden, made them shivering with a welcoming sound that he used to listen to everyday from the window on a peaceful morning, which was now so far away. The butterflies were hovering above the sunny flowers, the colors they brought made the garden more alive than before he had left. All this familiar feeling made his heart fluttered. He missed this so much.


The house was still the same with the day he had left, with its fading blue-paint, the wood door and the white windows opening slightly with the curtain covered the glasses. The front door was now closed, standing silently, watching him curiously, as if they had finally forgotten his existence, since he had left for too long. It was a year already since the last time he had walked past the threshold, had been welcomed home by the person he loved the most in this world, had spent his days happily and peacefully, without worry and scare for the future. The days that they were being together, sharing their lives, laughing, crying, singing, caring, understanding… The days he had realized how beautiful life was, and how simple happiness was. All of those were his precious days, the memories were still marked in his mind with the same emotion, the same feeling with the past. With him beside Nino felt like he didn’t need anyone else, he didn’t want anything else and he was the happiest person in the world. The days that he could never forget, no matter how long he had left, no matter how long they were separated, the sparkling past could never be faded away. It was shining everyday in his mind, it was singing sweetly in his soul. It was the first thing he thought about at morning, and it also was the last thing he remembers at night. It was the irreplaceable memories that he knew he would never have a chance to experience again.


With a slight smile, he opened the door quietly. No sound came out. He stepped into the familiar house; sudden warmth surrounded his body with the beloved scent he had loved so much. It was the same warmth with those days. He felt happiness was growing in his chest, the nice scent absorbed into his mind, he closed his eyes to enjoy the welcoming feeling he could always felt whenever he was at his home.

Their home.

“I’m home” He murmured, more than with himself that he was sure no one could here it. The sound didn’t come out his mouth, his salutation just hang over in the air, slightly, slowly disappeared with a wistful feeling. He could hear it echoing in his mind, but no one could hear it. It was inaudible with the whole world.


He walked pass the living room, so quiet that he couldn’t hear his own footstep. The table was covered by newspapers and magazines that he saw many pages had been torn from them and scattered around. He came to one of it and took a piece. It was the newspapers from a year ago. He was so surprise that it was still there. There was a layer of dust all over the covers, that he thought might be no one had touched it for a long time. The teapot was left alone on the floor, beside the cushions. There were cups lying about the corner of the room, they were all empty and dry, as if they were ignored there for centuries. He shook his head slowly, so this was how he would turn out without him beside. He had told him many times before; he would surely be worried for him if he didn’t promise…

He collected the papers, piled them up and put it carefully on a side of the table. He came closer to the window, with the curtain was swaying slightly above the cactus pot, the sunlight was shining through the slender fabric, tried to brighten the cheerless room with all its color. Nino stretched his hand, opening the curtain widely that the sunlight now was flowing to each corner of the room, made it once again come back to live. The butterflies were wandering around outside the window, as they flied lazily above the cactus flowers. The room was a little more colorful, compared with the darkness and loneliness which had been all over the tiny place.


You had promised. Nino thought.


He came to the kitchen; the cold was still remained there, as if no one had used it for a very long time. He now couldn’t smell the familiar scent of their kitchen, which had been always smelled spicy, like cinnamon. Ohno had said countless time before that he wanted to own a bakery, so they had always baked cakes and cookies. He could see the picture in which they were laughing happily with each other, their hand were posing a victory sign, their faces was white from flour. He smiled gently, the memory picture was still there, hanging on the wall, and never be took away. Whenever they looked at it, they would feel the same feeling with that day, when they had always been together, when they had always fooled around in this small kitchen, he had always hold Ohno back whenever the older man tried to escape after teasing him. They had always bursted into laugh after each man was covered by flour and sugar, and Nino had always placed a slight kiss on Ohno’s cheeks, tasted the sweet remaining on them and Ohno had always smiled happily, buried his face to Nino’s neck that his hair had always been tickling the younger man’s sensitive skin. They had always felt so happy that they had never thought one day everything would go - suddenly and unexpectedly, in a most hurtful way.

They had never thought they could be tore apart.

Nino came to their table, it was placed lonely in the middle of the room, waited quietly that someone would come and bring it back to use.

The table was covered with dust too. Nino winced. He had told him countless time before that he hated it when it was dusty. Ohno had just pouted adorably with him and he had promised that he would never let it be like that anymore, as long as Nino would stop complaining about so many things. And Ohno had kept his promise from then too, since he had cleaned it carefully whenever he saw dust on it. But now, after a year, when Nino came back, Ohno didn’t keep that habit anymore.

Nino hesitated, and then used his finger to wipe away the dust, made a regular symbol on the table.


Love you.

He smiled, and turned away. The sentence he always wanted to write, the words he always wanted to say, and if he could, he wanted to say it forever. The words just kept dancing in his heart, buzzing in his mind that made him go insane with the desire to say it out loud, to convey it, to express it, for each day of his life.


He came to their bedroom. The door closed slightly, as if the man didn’t want to close it completely, there was still a small gap that Nino could see through it. The room was dim, even though it was day time; there was no sunlight in the bedroom. Nino opened the door slowly, tried his best to not disturb the sleeping man on the bed. He was covered by a huge blanket, his face buried into his pillow, his arms were holding another pillow tightly. Nino’s heart ached seeing the lonely expression on his lover’s face.

He came closer to the man, who was still not aware of his presence, kneeled down beside him. He watched him sleeping silently. It was a year he hadn’t seen him, and he could never express how much he missed him, how much he missed the feeling touching the man in front of him. He was so scared that he would gradually forget the familiar face that he always loved so much. He was so scared that one day he would forget how to love him, and how he used to love him so much. He was so scared that the distance of time and space would simply tore them apart without excuses, and they wouldn’t be able to resist it. But when he was sitting here, contemplating the person he loved for his whole life, all those worries just became so stupid that he almost laughed at himself. There was no way he would stop loving this man, there was no way he would stop remembering this eyes, this smile, everything about him that had become part of his soul. There was no way he could forget everything they had spent together, everything they had built together. There was no way he could forget the happiness, the rapture he had experienced with him beside, the fond memories were now flowing in his mind like a gentle wind easing all the pain that always suffering him. He leaned closed, feeling his breath melting his face, and slightly put a kiss on those lips that he missed so much. The warmth from it made his heart fluttered, as he was longing for this for too long.

He wished he could stop time, for this moment to be eternal.


The man stirred under his touch and then opened his eyes slowly. He was startled, but he sat still beside the bed. Only when he looked at his deep brown eyes and realized how much he loved them, Nino’s lip curved with a slight smile. Whenever he stared into those eyes, he could see all his dreams in it. It contained his life.


~~**♥**~~


Ohno had woken up. He sat on the bed, his hand rubbing his temple tiredly. Last night he couldn’t sleep, since all the bad memories just came back, like a flood that he couldn’t help but crying his heart out, until he felt like he had no more tear remain in his eyes. It was a year already, but he just couldn’t come back to his normal life, before all that happened. His eyes wandered around the room, it was so messy that he was tired of cleaning it. He had ignored it for days, not only the bedroom but also the whole house. He couldn’t see the meaning of cleaning it, since Nino had gone, and he would never come back. He had left him, all of sudden, and until now the wound he had left in his heart hadn’t healed yet. It was still bleeding, day after day, until he felt like he had no more blood to keep it beating. From that day, all he could do was trying his best to continue living, with the hurt would never gone. Nino’s gentle smile, his bright eyes, his warm embrace still remained in his heart, that he could hear it scream silently with missing, hurting, wanting. He knew things would never come back to normal, not when Nino wasn’t around.


He left his bed and came out the dim bedroom. Before he could go to the bathroom to wash his face and started a new boring day, his eyes caught the light in the living room. Had he forgotten to cover the window before going to sleep? There was no way, because he had never fold it up either. He didn’t care if there was sunlight in his house or not, he just wanted to be alone, in his lonely world, to absorb himself into tons of misery that he didn’t now how he could get away from it. The only sun of his life had gone, and he didn’t know what the meaning to continue living was.


When he reached the living room, he was so surprised to see the curtain was now opened, and the newspapers were piled up carefully on the table. He didn’t remember collecting them; he even saw dust on their covers. Or he just did it like a routine? He didn’t remember what did he do last night, or the night before, or the night before the night before. He was at his unawareness for most of the day. When his friends were around and dragged him into many of activities, giving him something to do, to not leave him alone to think about the void inside his heart, he could aware a little what he was doing at this time. His friends were always worried about him that they would definitely came to his house everyday to check over if he was okay, and they always found the reason to pull him out of his lonely home. He had nothing to do so all he had done was following them, did whatever they told him to and then came back home again. When he was alone, like night time, the unbearable loneliness again rushed into his soul that he didn’t know how to overcome it. The only thing he could do was hugging Nino’s pillow tightly, tried to smell the familiar scent that he knew painfully had faded away until he gradually drifted off. And in his dream, sometimes Nino would show up, with the same smile on his face, pat his head slightly as he always did, told him to be a stupid man. And he would be so happy that he wouldn’t complain. He would be able to hold Nino tightly, not letting him go, felt the warmth soaked into his body, until it was day time again and Nino would vanish, left him alone with his empty arms, struggling in despair to hold him back. Tears would blurt out when he realized how helpless he was, feeling the emptiness building up inside his body and became a shadow in his soul, still remained there when he remembered that there was no way he could hold Nino back.


Time flew and brought with it his most precious thing.


He left the living room, the suffering was pressed upon his chest, and he tiredly washed his face. Not wanting to have breakfast, he came to his room and changed his clothes. There was a place he needed to come today no matter what, and it was the only place in the world he wanted to go right now. He had forgotten how it felt like to want something in his life, since he had never gotten what he wanted. He didn’t want to hope either, since all he would get later was the unbearable despair.


Sho had told him last night when he left that today they could go there together, of course with Jun and Aiba. But he had refused. He wanted to be there alone. He didn’t want any company right now, since he wanted to be alone with him. He was grateful with Sho’s concern, but it was what he had decided.


He came to the door, his eyes widened when he saw the front door was opened slightly. Just how much he had been spaced out these days? Nino would definitely complain about it if he were here… Nino complained about many things though. Ohno’s face softened a little when remembering the memory in which Nino had been scolding him to let door open when he had gone out for fishing.



“Just how stupid you are” Nino grunted “What if someone rushed into our house and take me away?”

“Why did they want to take you?” Ohno arched his eyebrows.

“Because I’m gorgeous” Nino shrugged “And I was sleeping when you left without locking the door”

“They wouldn’t be able to do that” Ohno smiled sheepishly.

“Why?” Nino glanced at him.

“Because I definitely take you back” Ohno leaned in and kissed Nino’s forehead “No one could take my Kazu away”

And Nino’s shy smile was priceless that Ohno stole another kiss on Nino’s lips, ignoring the pretended protest of an embarrassed Nino.


~~**♥**~~


He followed him quietly. The tiredness was evident on Ohno’s face that made him worried. He would never have left if he could. He would never leave Ohno behind, he would definitely be beside him forever, until the day death come and bring them out of this dear life, and even then they would still be together. But he couldn’t fight against fate. It just happened, and they weren’t being able to resist it. It was hurt, but it was life.


Ohno walked slowly on the pavement, his eyes fixed on the ground that he didn’t see anything around him. Even when Nino was walking beside him, Ohno still didn’t know. His eyes were unfocused, that Nino knew he had lost in his thought again. Nino was used to this, so he just stepped silently beside him, felt how peaceful it was to finally beside Ohno again like this. He hung out his hand, tried to catch Ohno’s, but since the older man was tugging his hand into his pocket, Nino gave up. They walked side by side, no one said anything, until they reached the destination.


Ohno stopped and raised his head, finally came back to reality. He let out a sigh. Nino stared at him, and turned his head to see where they were. The reality hit him so hard that he felt his heart tightened in a most unpleasant way. And he painfully remembered that they weren’t in the same world anymore.



Ohno walked between graves and then stopped in front of a gray rectangle one. Nino stared at his own name on the cold hard monument, and his tear now was building inside his eyes. He barely felt it though.

“It’s a year already, Nino”

He heard Ohno whispered. Ohno was now standing right in front of his grave and talking to him quietly.

“I don’t know what to do anymore” Ohno bit his lip hardly, tried to hold back his tear, but he couldn’t “I don’t want to cry, you know”

I know. Nino thought painfully. His hand reached out to hold Ohno, he tried to squeeze it as tight as he could. He saw Ohno staring at their contacted hand, as if he felt something strange tingling on his skin.

“Nino?” Ohno asked slowly, his eyes widened as he was feeling something holding his trembling hand. He desperately hold back, but nothing remained in his grasp.

I’m here. So please don’t cry, Ohchan.

“I miss you” Ohno murmured, his hand still closed tightly “I miss you so much, Nino”

I miss you too. Nino whispered.

“Tell me how to live without you” Ohno cried “I couldn’t. I can’t”

Nino felt himself cried silently.

It was a year already, but they hadn’t overcome it yet. Ohno still couldn’t accept the truth. Nino still hadn’t believed that he had no longer lived.


They stayed like that until it was sunset. Ohno had stopped crying, he had started to tell Nino many things which had happened the whole year. His eyes were far away that he was telling those stories. Nino was sitting beside him, listened carefully with a slight smile, his eyes never left the man who he loved so much.

“You know, Nino, Sho-kun was too busy with his new project. Ah, he had a girlfriend too, I remember he told me that. A girl at his office”

Nino chuckled. Aiba must be so jealous with this girl.

“Jun-kun comes to our house so usually” Ohno smiled slightly “He’s worried, I could tell… He comes so early in the morning and just leaves when it’s late already”

How about his work? Nino wondered. As if Ohno could hear his question, he smiled.

“He takes a month off from work, since he’s going to get married next year ne… He’s preparing for it. At least that what he told me”

Wow. So Jun was going to get married. It was interesting.

“Aiba finally agreed to go abroad for his job as a trainer for the zoo” Ohno continued “It’s strange, isn’t it? He loves Japan so much that he didn’t want to go. But Sho advised him to. There’s no better chance for him”

Yeah, it was strange if Aiba was going to go abroad. His English was awful, Nino chuckled.

“And me…” Ohno lowered his voice and extent his hand to touch the cold surface of the stone “I don’t know, Nino, but I don’t know what to do right now. They asked me to hold an exhibition – my manager. But I… still can’t decide. I just don’t have any motivation…”

Just do it. Nino frowned. Are you stupid? Don’t you intend to spend all your days only to be suffered because of me?

“I know what you would say right now” Ohno smiled sadly “You definitely tell me that I’m so stupid”

Yeah. You know me. So just do it! Nino stretched his hand to wrap around Ohno’s shoulder. He could tell Ohno was shivering under his touch.

“It’s just… it’s hard, Nino” Ohno bit his lips, his body was shaking “I feel like nothing when you’re not around”

No. Nino leaned in and kissed Ohno’s forehead slightly. No, I’m here. So you must move on.

“I wish I could meet you” Ohno sobbed “I wish I could see you”


Seeing Ohno like this made his heart clenched. He hugged Ohno tightly, and he wasn’t sure Ohno could feel it or not. But he still wanted to hold him in his arms, to convey his love to the older man. They stayed like that for a while. Ohno’s tear had stopped, but his face was still wet and his eyes were red. Nino kissed those eyes slightly, and his kissed made Ohno shivered again. He stared at Ohno’s face sadly; he knew his time now had been over. He would leave soon, but he didn’t want to leave Ohno again. How much he could pay to be with this man a little longer in his life, he didn’t know. His heart ached with thousands of need, of hurt, even though it had no longer beaten inside his chest. He closed his eyes, feeling the comfortable warmth fading away, he felt his own body was scattered, and he was slowly far away from Ohno, from his love. He tried to squeeze his arm the last time, gave Ohno the last kiss on his lips, then he felt his soul floating in the air, the colorful world started to disappeared from his sight as he simply vanished.


~~**♥**~~


Ohno sat there until the last sunlight had left.

He thought he had felt something tingle on his skin, not once but many times. He felt a little relief inside his chest, and whenever he felt the strange vague touches, he closed his eyes slightly, to let the bright tiny happiness absorbed into his body. Somehow, he believed that was Nino, he had come back to see him, to hug him, to be beside him again.

Today was exactly a year after his death.

Ohno stood up. He murmured, more to himself.

“I still love you”

And after giving the grave the last look, he turned away. This time, he felt the loneliness flew back into his heart. He realized that he hadn’t felt lonely for the whole day, since he had woken up, walked here and then spent all day beside Nino’s grave. He knew that Nino was there. He couldn’t see him, but Nino was there. The thought made his heart feel better that he opened the house slowly and stepped inside. The curtain was still opened, and the collected magazines were still lying silently on the table. The air in the room had changed a little, he felt it lighter and fresher. He suddenly realized how many days he had spent with his own misery.


“Take care of yourself” Nino glanced at him “What if someday I’m not here to take care of you?”

“Why?” Ohno pouted “Didn’t you say you’d be with me for all your life?”

“I’ll” Nino leaned in and kissed his nose “But promise me, even though I’m not here, you must still take care of yourself, okay?”

“I promise” Ohno hugged Nino tightly “But don’t leave me. I don’t wanna live without you”

“Don’t say such thing” Nino smiled and scratched his hair “You must continue to live, no matter what”


It was the first time for such a long time he remembered his promise. He knew Nino wouldn’t be happy if he continued to live like this.


His heart tightened again when he remembered Nino’s kisses. It was the brightest day of their life that he would never forget for the rest of his life. They were his priceless memories that he could give up anything to return to those days again, in which they were living together.


He came to the kitchen, though he wasn’t sure if there was anything he could use from that. He didn’t know how long it was since the last time he had checked up the food. When he walked pass the table, there was something in the corner of it made him curious. It was unclear, but it still stood out on the dusty surface. He narrowed his eyes, and when he realized what it was, his heart stopped beating.


It was a heart symbol, and below it was Nino’s handwriting.

Love you.


His tear immediately built up in his eyes and just a second later, he bursted out crying that his body was shaking violently. All the memories they had shared, all the love they had given, all the words they had talked, all the days they had spent, all of the happiness suddenly came back to his mind, clearly as if it was just yesterday. It was like a video playing slowly in his head, each day, each day they had spent together, each smile they had shared… Ohno knew he could never forget Nino. No matter how long he would continue living, he would remember Nino everyday, he would call his name everyday, and he would never let his face fade in his mind. Nino would live inside him forever, such that no one could replace Nino in his heart.

That night, he finally could sleep peacefully. His head put on his arms; he was sitting on the chair in the kitchen. His face was still wet from the tears; he had stared at Nino’s writing until he drifted off. His hand put on the corner of the table, which he knew Nino had definitely leaned to write those words, he could feel Nino’s touch in his hand, in his arms, in his face that Nino had been here, until he fall asleep.


In his dream last night, Nino came back again, with his slight smile and bright eyes, hugging Ohno gently as he murmured.

“I love you, Ohchan”



**End**