New Year Resolution 2019

12/01/2018

A late New Year Resolution post again this year.

Recapping last year's resolution:

1. Save more money

2. Go for a short trip oversea

3. Pass my ACCA

Short goals:

1. Expanding/ changing my work portfolio

2. Get my room a small renovation

3. On diet. Lose up to a result below 50kg

So, I really saved quite a lot this year. Basically because I didn't go for a long trip this year. But still manage to fulfill my second resolution, went to Hatyai twice and almost went to Singapore. I did started my ACCA studies again but I failed twice. So let's try again in 2019.

My short goals, I changed my work portfolio but in a sad situation. I did moved a lil here and there with my room's furnitures so I would consider it a partial renovation. I definitely did not lose weight at all, all because of my teammate!

A recap for this year;

My year 2018 is all about working life in Dell. I devote most of my time to work related stuff like work or teammates, colleagues or even events in Dell.

I got really close to my teammates. We went to Hatyai together, had an apartment stay, Christmas dinner and etc.

 

Then I became part to GPTW pillar in Dell, so basically all fun events in our organisation were organised by us and I am either one of the organizers or helpers. It was really troublesome but also fun I would admit.

But In Around September, our team got broken up. So we all went to our separate ways. That is when I fulfilled my short resolution one. But it was a sad way. I made a small album for each of us as memory. And that is also when Billy left Dell. This year, I witness 3 close friends left Dell; Jordan, Jimmy and Billy. I see my friends leave one by one and I felt that I have lesser and lesser friends there. I was hardest seeing Jimmy left Dell, all because he was the closest to me in Dell.

Working in a new role has been really stressful. But my goal is to prove to my boss that I am worth staying back. But recently has been a disaster. I am not really in a mood to work. Mainly because of that man.

He broke up with me in October. It broke me so much. He ruined my life, my dream, my future and my everything. I begged him to come back but he didn't until I threaten him to, only he would. I admit we grew distance after I entered Dell, but I never expect he would give up on me. In between during the year, I've tried lots of ways for us to spend time together but now, all has gone to the big wide ocean. 

Now we are in a complicated relationship. I don't even know how to fix it. It has been almost 4 months. I don't wanna give up but too much pressure and too much hurtful words were thrown at each other. We tried a few ways like going for a short trip, still celebrating our 5th anniversary and stuff like that but to me, it didn't really work. But I really hope that this is a disaster that we had to go through before we enter to another stage of happiness. I just hope that this disaster is over soon.

Anyhow, because if this, I grew distance with my family. He dragged in my mum and it made me felt like I don't wanna go home to face them all cause all they do is annoyingly ask me about us. So I usually stayed back in office till late.

Baby has been growing up a lot! This lil brat, still love him so much. Felt really reluctant to go to wok every morning when I see him before leaving for work.

I rarely see my friends too lately. After growing close to my foodie buddy teammate, Terry, I rarely put effort in meeting my friends cause all of them are not making the effort to see me. It's always me doing the initiation which made me feel so annoyed. But now that Foodie Buddy has got a partner, I grew distance with him. (This teaches me a lesson not to grow close to new friends as, the older you meet someone new, the faster they enter and exit your life. By then the person hurting is you alone.) Once again, lose another close friend. KY has been really caring about me and my relationship. We didn't really meet often but we're still really close. Don't mention Ah Wei. She's the worst. I didn't really manage to meet up with long lost friends like Ah Xeng, Alice, Amanda and etc. Last minute I managed to catch up with Molli and the juniors.

But my 31st December 2018 ended with tears. My 1st January 2019 started with work. It didn't really ended and began well. I hope the year would still be fine.

So, my resolution for 2019:

1. Save more money

2. Go for a oversea trip out of Asia

3. To loose weight 

I will still cap my limit to at least RM10k cause I am targeting to travel to New Zealand this year, so would need to spend a certain amount of money. To loose weight. I seriously needed to. I really lose some weight in between October, all because I almost never had a proper meal for days, but gained a lot more in December.

Passing my ACCA would be a lil challenging as I'm more focused on work this year cause I'm aiming for a promotion in year 2020. Treating myself better is because at the end of 2018, my heart broke twice. Also, I would buy things for myself and not be stingy to myself anymore.

Short goals:

1. Pass at least one paper for ACCA

2. Treat myself better

Again, each and every year teaches me to grow stronger. In year 2018, reminds me of how it feels to have your heart broken again and also teaches me to maturely handle situations. Thank you and farewell.

**End**

Feeling Guilty

04/08/2018

Writing about negative stuff relating my workplace is really not a good thing. Cause I do have happy moments at work. I mean at least up till now, there isn't a day where I hate going to work. I would say mostly it's because of the flexible time my Company has for us as employees. And also it's because we have one day a week to work from home.

For the last 8 months at work, a lot of happy stuff do happen. Aside from me being sad that there is not enough work for me to do or the politic part, other stuff are all alright. Most probably it's cause we have such nice teammates too as friends (not colleagues).

We had events from time to time from Dell. Like FIFA day, CNY roadshow, CSR, farewell video making for the VP, quarterly birthday celebration and many more. All these are really interesting.

 

 

 

 

A lil smaller view, cause we are all under a director in China which is also related to the Statutory team beside us. So, usually we would join their acivities. (Although sometimes there are conflict between our teammates on whether we wanna join them or not). We had like laser battles, a manager's farewell and basically that's all but usually they would also take care of us cause one of their senior advisor is our acting manager. We also have team building when my manager is down in Penang. And quarterly, we have team lunch!

Also, from our own team view, we usually have birthday celebrations. In the whole 5 years of my working life, I only celebrated 3 (including this year's) with colleagues. The last 2, there isn't any cake either. This year is the first time my colleagues actually celebrated my birthday with a birthday cake. (Although there are some conflict with one of my teammate cause we didn't celebrate his).

 

We even planned our own trips or eat out or apartment stay with steamboat and stuff like that for ourselves.

 

As for individuals, I usually will have dinner or a short hang out with one or two teammates off work. I usually go for dinner with Terry most. At times we would call out Billy or Wen Hui. Sometimes, I would just have girls talk with Wen Hui. Previously I even had a baking cake activity with Terry.

 

 

 

 

Sometimes, I find my teammates really nice people. I mean avoiding the fact that they defend themselves during working hours, they are really taking care of me from time to time. Like how Xian Zheng would buy us food at times, like how Billy would always listen to my complains and grumpiness and teach me a lot of work related stuff, like how Wen Hui would invite me to certain non-dell activities, like how Terry would always ensure that I'm not hungry. 

 

 

I would admit that mostly it's Terry who has been taking care of our whole team. But just because we have the same interest where we love to eat so much, he would usually bring me out for food. The deepest impression was when I was on my study leave for my exam, one day, he bought vitagen (my energy drink) from the office and brought it to me.

Sometimes, lunch could be fun! But sometimes, lunch could be depressing. When I sensed the depressing part, I would usually avoid lunch with them. To avoid, I used to have lunch with Jimmy but he had left Dell. Jordan is always busy tho. Now that Sherine has rotated to the department upstairs, I could now go lunch with her anytime.

 

But then again, this job has proved me right again; I am still always in good terms with the guys more than the girls. I really find myself happier with the guys than the girls. I don't know why but when I am always good with the guys, the girls would always criticize me and stuff like that happens (maybe due to jealousy). And this time, in his job is happened again. But I'm really used to it now.

Overall, I like my team as friends.

**End**

Half of 2018

29/07/2018

Again, 7 months have passed in year 2018. What have I achieved so far?

Financially, I've saved more than usual. Entertainment wise, I have had short trips and there wouldn't be any overseas trip in the second half of the year. I have taken my ACCA exam for one paper. Unfortunately I've failed that paper. First time in my 27 years I've actually fail in an examination! Unexpectedly I'm not as devastated as I thought I would be. Probably cause I've already expect what's coming. (See! This is a good side of a negative thinker!)

Work wise, I've expand a lil bit of my portfolio, but it was taken back. So I'm still looking forward for opportunities. Health, I've not been sick as often as I was previous years. My health was better this year. I've been eating a lot more this year! Mostly cause I've met Terry as my foodie buddy.We went for food hunt and dinners frequently. So I've not lose any weight but gained a lot! I'm now the fattest and most out of shape in my whole of 27 years life!!

Baby is growing up really well and getting more of a spoil brat! I've not really spend time with my family this year due to work tho.

My bro finally got married this year. It was such a pack event. During those period, I am having my exam, my closing of monthly account, 1 wedding dinner to attend, grandma's birthday dinner to attend and yet I have to help manage my bro's wedding. OMG! And also my birthday going on!

This year, I realized I have neglect my friends a lot due to work. Even my best friends. But they have really disappoint me this year. All these years, no matter how busy I am, once they need me, I never fail to accompany them! Even now that I'm at Dell, I still am the same. Sadly, they don't do the same. I've been needing them quite a lot lately but they never showed up. Even when we said we would have a date, they never turned up. We have seem to distance a lot. It hurts me a lot.

I didn't really realise the situation we are in until Terry said 1 sentence "Now you should have realized yourself about them." Once he said that, I felt my eyes heated up with tears and my heart felt a sharp pierce. I held myself back while digesting the fact. I try to tell myself maybe they didn't realized that I need them cause I didn't show. But I always thought whether or not I need them, they should have taken the initiative to date me instead of me making the effort to see them all the time! I am really unhappy but also fed up at the same time.

Being in Dell, I have made a buddy with Terry. He's like a really good friend to me. Like how I was with Alice previously. But we became buddy in such a short time that it scares me a lot! I felt really exposed in front of him actually. He had the aura that made me tell him a lot of my personal life. Unconsciously, I had been telling him about my daily schedule during a period of time. Although he always say he didn't know a lot about me and he did mentioned that he has told me a lot about his personal life to me. Lately, I've tried to resist myself from hanging around him having the reason that he's really very busy with his work. He has not really have random conversations with me too lately. It's either he's really busy with his work or he has realized the same as me.

Among all the friends I made during work, he's really knowledgeable and smart with successful businesses privately! He's so perfect that at times, I can't believe I actually am friends with him!

Also, because of his existence, my man has became a lil more concern about our relationship. In which I'm really happy inside. He has made our relationship really dull these couple of years. Nothing exciting really. Until Terry's existence, I guess he's really afraid if Terry is actually into me and I might be into him too. Although it feels like a joke for life but I like to keep it this way! At least his concern towards this matter made him make an effort to excite our love life, I hope.

**End**

The Crush and Some Other Stuff

21/12/2016

Last week's TGIF, I went out for dinner with my ex-colleagues. It was really fun being with them. I mean seriously, they are like the best colleagues I've ever worked with. Jimmy has been really crazy all night long, shouting out loud, making fun of things, having exaggerated actions and stuff. He;s just so funny. 

While Jordan is definitely his gay partner where Jimmy kept molesting him and I'm like the excuse for Jordan to run away from Jimmy. Kher Shin is still the most prettiest and polite one! I love this girl! Although I talked and joked to Jimmy the most that night.

And my crush? He's like hearts all over. He's kinda quiet that night although he still jokes around but he's still hearts all over. I think he became fitter than ever. Still so smart looking and fit. And still so taking care of people around him. Again, when we were about to go home, he just offered to walk me to my car. *Fell in love on him all over again, and again*. But our car is like so near to each other. So, no long walks alone. In the middle of the meet ups, I tried to ask him out with another gang of friends but I guess he refused to go. *Sobs...*

Sometimes, when I'm down or frustrated, I still think of him. But I know he's busy with his stuff. He has his problems and frustrations. So, I guess thinking about his wise words from the past would already satisfy me. Well, at least I don't 'can't-stop-thinking-of-him' after the meet up like the previous one. Gone through him tho?

... ... ...

I don't know why lately I've been thinking about 'that' guy. I don't know what triggers in me that I was hoping we could talk it through. Was it because it was near to the 1 year since he 'looked' for me? I don't know. I unconsciously had followed him in Instagram. But nothing much after that. At lonely night times, I would hope that he would text me or something like that just to talk things through. But I guess if it really happens, I'll still be a jerk cause he was a jerk to me before.

Maybe Ah Wei's words was the cause of the trigger. I mean she could be all done with Amanda but still such friends and she still talks about her nicely at times. From there, I really felt like a jerk that I never forgive and let go of the grudge which is still in me. But whenever I think of the words he spited at me, I just got so mad and though it's not worth the consideration!

... ... ...

But whatever it is, my crush would take my mind of everything. Besides my Mr Man. Lol! My next post is gonna be the new year resolution again. 2016 is gonna end so soon!

Merry Christmas!

**End**

In Love All Over Again

22/6/2016

Last week, I fell in love all over again. No, not with my boyfriend. It's my secret crush. I was really getting emotional last few weeks. I got really fed-up with my work place. During a lunch time, I just suddenly thought of him. It has been quite some time since we last contacted. Like 3 months ago? So I just texted him his name, afraid I would be disturbing him. As usual, no reply.

At sharp 5.30pm, my phone rang. It's really unusual for my phone to ring, especially during working hours. It was him! I answered almost immediately! I was so happy! I went down 2 floors from my office. I started whining about my job, asking him for opinions and he's being really nice to me, comforting me and joking around to make me happy. We spoke for 1 hour 15 mins and 44 secs. I was just so happy after talking to me. Felt so relief and so relaxing.

After the chat, I just wondered when will be the next time I'll be talking to him again. Like for hours.

A few days later, Jordan asked me to organized a gathering and so we did. We had dinner and stuff until it's time to leave. He said he would accompany me to get my car. I was in a hurry when I reached that I totally forgot which floor my car was parked. We looked and found my car and I drove him down to pay my parking ticket. He was such a gentleman that he offered to pay for me and asked me to stay in the car. After he paid, he walk to my car and asked me to be careful when I drive and taught me how to get to the exit. And then he just said goodbye and walked away, riding the life down to the basement to his car. I mean he could have just not pay for my ticket and just ride the lift straight down to his car, but he didn't.

As he walked away, I looked at my car's mirror, at his back and I just melted. My heart just melted. It reminds me how I actually fell for him 3 years ago. I just fell in love all over again that night.

I thought I was all over him but that night was just so awesome. The following days I just can't get my mind off his back.

I'm just being a jerk for liking him. I never really asked how he was when we met or we talked. I just whine too much to him. He's really my dream guy but couldn't help it, he's not mine and I guess he will never be mine.

**End**