A month of thinking

It has been a month since I stop working. Many things had happened. A lot of thinking, in the end there is no conclusion to it. Well, let's just start with what I did within this one month time.

I immediately went to Bangkok with KY and her friend which made the whole trip sucked like hell. I hated the trip. And I lost about RM400 there. I bought nothing and almost see nothing.

 

However, it was still better than my Hong Kong trip with my parents which sucked even more. We followed the tour company. I bought nothing and also see nothing. Argh.... my whole dream trip sucks. And I had to act as if I love it.

And everyday is like sticking myself on my bed the whole day. Thought a lot of things. Reminisces a lot of past, how I've grown to be who I am today. It was terrible. Especially that night when Xeng and I were talking about about past, it made me realised how naive and carefree I was. I so wanna runaway to the past where I have to fear to anything, just do whatever I want without thinking. I was so beloved by so many people.

Now, my friends are getting lesser and lesser day by day. I wasn't as popular as I was anymore. Things had changed. Many questions in the past remain unanswered. Many questions in the future, I'm seeking for answers.

**End**

So many excitements!

Four days to go and I'm free! I don't know whether they will do a farewell for me but I do know I'm gonna be free!

So many plans going on. I'm definitely going to Malacca, Bangkok and Hong Kong in May! Maybe Singapore again and KL in June.

So many places for me to discover. As I told Jordan, in these 1 or 2 months, I'm gonna find myself. 

Money is important for me currently. Work and earn as much as possible while I can. I may even betray my interest for money. I know it's bad but that is what I call reality. It's cruel. People have been introducing me to jobs with high pay. Of course, working on the road I'm running. But maybe I should just stop a while and think for a second, find myself and just be myself for a month or two. When I know the final answer, I will have to work hard again. Maybe I'll accept the high pay offer, or maybe I should just get a lower pay job and just be happy.

This job had really woke me up to so many things; sad, happy; me and myself; things around; people and etc. I realised I have made my decision to run this accounting road too fast that I don't know where was I supposed to be belonged. So, I'm gonna take this opportunity to find myself, to find where I really belong, what road was I initially supposed to run. I might start all over again, running a different road or path, or I might just continue running the same road.

I'm having a guess that I'll just get the high pay job and work like a donkey cow. yea, cause at the end of the day, the money I received, it's totally worth all my effort. We never know.

**End**

The GUTS!

Yap! I finally had the guts to actually fire my boss! I've finally resigned! My last day would be end of this month! I'm kinda glad I finally resigned. After much persuasion, my boss finally let me go. I was so much relieved and so much of smiling shown on my face. So happy. But the condition is I have to finish all my jobs on hand which led me to more overtimes lately. I still have so much files on hand.

Still, I'm really proud and glad to tell everyone I finally resigned! Thank you everyone for your support. Without a job, I still can survive up to 3 months!

Everything just seems so less stressful after I've finally threw the letter to my boss although there's still so much more files to do.

Being in this firm for almost 2 years really made me think back what I've done so far. I sure learn a lot from here and am still learning. I'll miss the memories and colleagues here but I'm sure I won't come back anymore. (Although I told my boss I might.)

**End**

New Year Resolution 2015

Finally, free and mood-ed enough to do this! A reflection of my year 2014 and a 2015 new year resolution.

My 2014 resolution is:

1. SAVE MORE MONEY!

2. Trying to be more updated on Arashi's news

3. Doing more art!

4. Change a job.

Well, after like a few years not fulfilling my major and first resolution; saving more money, finally I did it. It's partly cause my stable job which helped me. So, I did saved some money. Got worsen in Arashi's update and well, did not do more art but did 1 satisfying one and didn't even get my job changed.

So, reflecting what had happened in year 2014;

1. I still did not change my job but at least I got used to it and I really learned a lot of things not to say gain a lot of knowledge. However, I know people are starting to look down on me cause I have limited knowledge.

And getting to know Jeb so much is like a dream come true as he is totally my colleague crush! But he resigned, and his last day with me alone in his car talking was totally unforgettable and awesome!

And also get to know Jimmy and Jordan better while being a short-term best buddy is really fun!

2. Went for 2 short trips with Mr Man and first time with Ah Wei & Amanda.

3. Got my hair curled-up again!

4. My christmas was kinda normal and a lil awesome and my new year eve kinda sucks.

Okay, seriously, I really didn't achieve much last year cause work totally took a huge part of my year. A peak period for my work took like half the year and other than that, it was all the normal routine of going to work and finish work. And I didn't even achieve any academic achievements. 

So, my 2015 resolution would be:

1. Save even MORE money.

2. Going on a trip to Hong Kong and/or Taiwan or anywhere out from my hometown. (At least I have went to Singapore in mid-January)

3. Get my job changed! (Planned, March to resign)

4. Maybe get a solo bridal photoshoot.

So, I'm gonna pump things up and not waste my 2015 like last year, although I have already simply wasted my January 2015 with loads of work! Gonna write an exciting 2015 story for myself! <3

**End**

Did you know?

Okay, first of all, HAPPY 2015 NEW YEAR! and a belated MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Seems like a happy post initially right? No. It isn't. I don't know whether to describe it as a spilling-out-the-truth post or whatever post you would like to describe it. I know it's the first post of the year, and the first post should be a happy one but, who cares. No one I know really reads this blog of mine anyway.

It was New Year of 2015. It was when I see, hear and speak the truth I've been keeping inside of me from him. Him, points to a good friend of mine, Xeng. I never knew that actually, he knew the truth earlier than I do.

There and then, after like 5 years, he finally asked what had happened 5 years back with that particular guy I now hated. Well, I didn't wanna say and tell as I care most for my friends and especially Xeng. But timing and fate got me to; we were stuck in the car park jam for hours during New Year midnight.

He asked. I didn't wanna say much but all I said was because I hated when that guy speaks bad about my friends. I hated it. He asked who was the person that he spoke of. I kept quiet. He knew who was I saying, he answered for me; it was himself. Surprisingly, he said he knew.

What surprised me most was he knew it all along, for 5 years. And I was like keeping this secret like forever, seeing both of the boys be such close buddies, I did not wanna be the bitch who goes talking bad about someone all around the world. I asked Xeng if he knows about our argument, and what shocked me was he didn't know at all! That guy didn't even tell him like I thought! Damn I was so naive. I should have just told him everything and hang in there with Xeng instead hiding and avoiding the fact from him! Damn!

Xeng even told me, that guy actually went to him and warned him not to come close to me because he loves me back in those time. I was like; What the Fuck is going on?! Why was I the only person, and the person who is involved, didn't know such thing! And damn! He even speaks bad about Wu Feng, my college crush?! And also my other friends behind me?

And Xeng proved me right all along, he was jealous! His jealousy was too heavy which took over him that chased away all my friends! And there and then, I thought maybe, just maybe I was wrong about that. But now I know I wasn't!

Xeng didn't say much about him, so did I during that very day. Thinking of why was I so innocent to keep the secret so to have them treasure their friendships that in fact that it was already lost 5 years ago? Why did I not stand strong on my point of view but let my heart go against it? I was too innocent. Damn I was!

That very night, such co-incident that he came along to have supper with us. I did not want to speak a word to him unless he does. He was still the same, looking down on people, faking around with his attitude. I know he was shocked on the way I spoke, the way I acted and stuff like that, it had really been years, since I last sat on the same table with him.

But now that I learned the truth, I really did see how Xeng is really treating me very well as a real true friend. And yet, I was trying to avoid bringing up this topic when he was with me all along, putting a wall in between us. That very night, he knew I would be lonely, yet, he came entertaining me that night.

No hard feelings, but this is how I felt all these years.

**End**

I'm still waiting

Around 5 months, I'll be in a whole new life than now. My firm is now, I can consider averagely okay, maybe I'm used to it already, however, life is so meaningless there. I can't get a higher pay and I have to do twice a person's work. In 5 months time, I'm gonna resign and go out from the firm.

Life recently have been quite calm, except from being sick more often than usual. Nothing really much happened, or either am I waiting for anything to come.

I don't know what to say at all about my life. I think I wasted my 2014. Well, except for improving my accounts' knowledge.

Anyway, some pics to describe my recent life.

 Felt myself prettier in this pic~ Lol!

Yes, in early October, I went to Cameron Highlands for a short trip with Mr Man and Ah Wei and Amanda. It's an overall fun trip I would say. *Smiles*

Nevertheless, went to Ipoh for a one day trip in mid year~ 

I don't know what will come in future, but I sure know I'm always waiting for something to happen.

**End**

Feeling Grateful

Every morning, you walk into a glass door lazily, seeing the usual high staircase and the smell of coffee which lingers around you as you walk to your seat, making you think and sigh; here goes another day.

However, at the end of the day, you looked at your bunch of freaking insanity colleagues, you thought to yourself; that morning blue you had everyday wasn't that bad afterall!

Ya know, I really hate my firm so much to the extend I really wish this firm would just go out of business!

But one thing which pulled me back each and everyday is my colleagues and manager who were really awesome people.

As time goes by, as relationships get closer, as people reveal their personalities and as you start picking up who really is your real true friends, you know they are one of the best colleagues nevertheless also your friends, you have which no one will be able to replace them!

Sometimes you know you got left out, especially you know they are not the same gender as you, but when you face difficulties, you know they are always there for you. Especially your manager who has been protecting us all these while!

Also, to the extend where you know if one day, you are out from this firm, in a new place you worked without them, you will miss them without a doubt.

To the extend when one of them tells you they have resigned before you, your heart crushed and bleeds inside out, with teary eyes, swallowing the fact.

You know you love your colleagues and you love working with them tho your job sucks! 

And that's when you realized, you have to face the fact that one day, they will leave you. So do you, who will leave them.

And then, you start appreciating them as much as possible as you never know when will be their last day being your colleague.

 The 2 guys who always made my day! <3

The only girl who bares with my complains and grumpiness! <3

I love you guys. You guys made me everyday full of laughter.

**End**

Robotic Life

06/05/2014

Life has been really robotic for me lately. Ever since I started this work, I find my life not interesting at all. I do not know what I am doing everyday and night. All I know is that I wake up, I go to work, and I work again and I go home and I watch the tv endlessly until I fall asleep. Then it repeats again, and again, and again, and again...

I went to the fortune teller last Saturday, that master told me that all other jobs I'll be working in the future will be the same. So why change? I thought of changing my job lately, cause I've been really tired of deadline each and every month. So, I'm thinking to go a different path, thinking to go study again for another course. Neglecting my job.

When I started working, my friends told me, they are gonna concentrate more on their studies (professional papers) then their work while I'll concentrate more on my work than my papers. However, it seems like I'm the only person who is still insisting on my decision. But because I've passed my first 2 papers, I rewarded myself a rest for a semester without studies. Ya, right...a rest. It ended me up with a real stressed up working life. My work is really driving me crazy. Actually it's my boss who is driving me crazy.

I'm so stress that holidays or any trips wouldn't even let me rest well. All I think of is my job. Seriously, I'm really a stupid person. I know it's not worth dying for a Company, cause all the hardwork you did was all Company's profit, not yours. However, I still got so stress up for work.

No one can really help me except for myself. No one can really relax me except for myself. Life is so lame. Especially when you see some of your friends, earning so much more than you, you really got stress up and started thinking why can't you earn that much too? You're not any worst than them. But this is what I call fate. Maybe I might change it someday, but not now.

Whatever it is, I'm really tired of my life lately. In addition of my deteriorating health. I'm starting to worry for myself.

And when you realize, friends around you are going off one by one, and you're still stuck here, you get really down. And when you thought you had that one person in our life, he's the one person who's the busiest person you've ever met. And it's like, the whole world has abandoned you.

I don't know what I'm waiting for everyday. What is my goal? I don't know at all.

When I was a student, I wait for holidays and most of all, for the day I graduate. After I graduated, I wait for the day I start working. And now that I've started working, I don't know what am I waiting for. What should I be waiting for?

Sometimes, I just wanna go up to my boss and just tell her that "I QUIT!". I think I'll be really happy. I'll feel so free, so not stress up, no more responsiblilities. But when I thought of it thoroughly, I might miss those times there with my colleagues and manager. And maybe my new work wouldn't be as fun as this one.

And most of the time, I just wish I could just go home and do nothing.

**End**