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Okay, first of all, HAPPY 2015 NEW YEAR! and a belated MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Seems like a happy post initially right? No. It isn't. I don't know whether to describe it as a spilling-out-the-truth post or whatever post you would like to describe it. I know it's the first post of the year, and the first post should be a happy one but, who cares. No one I know really reads this blog of mine anyway.

It was New Year of 2015. It was when I see, hear and speak the truth I've been keeping inside of me from him. Him, points to a good friend of mine, Xeng. I never knew that actually, he knew the truth earlier than I do.

There and then, after like 5 years, he finally asked what had happened 5 years back with that particular guy I now hated. Well, I didn't wanna say and tell as I care most for my friends and especially Xeng. But timing and fate got me to; we were stuck in the car park jam for hours during New Year midnight.

He asked. I didn't wanna say much but all I said was because I hated when that guy speaks bad about my friends. I hated it. He asked who was the person that he spoke of. I kept quiet. He knew who was I saying, he answered for me; it was himself. Surprisingly, he said he knew.

What surprised me most was he knew it all along, for 5 years. And I was like keeping this secret like forever, seeing both of the boys be such close buddies, I did not wanna be the bitch who goes talking bad about someone all around the world. I asked Xeng if he knows about our argument, and what shocked me was he didn't know at all! That guy didn't even tell him like I thought! Damn I was so naive. I should have just told him everything and hang in there with Xeng instead hiding and avoiding the fact from him! Damn!

Xeng even told me, that guy actually went to him and warned him not to come close to me because he loves me back in those time. I was like; What the Fuck is going on?! Why was I the only person, and the person who is involved, didn't know such thing! And damn! He even speaks bad about Wu Feng, my college crush?! And also my other friends behind me?

And Xeng proved me right all along, he was jealous! His jealousy was too heavy which took over him that chased away all my friends! And there and then, I thought maybe, just maybe I was wrong about that. But now I know I wasn't!

Xeng didn't say much about him, so did I during that very day. Thinking of why was I so innocent to keep the secret so to have them treasure their friendships that in fact that it was already lost 5 years ago? Why did I not stand strong on my point of view but let my heart go against it? I was too innocent. Damn I was!

That very night, such co-incident that he came along to have supper with us. I did not want to speak a word to him unless he does. He was still the same, looking down on people, faking around with his attitude. I know he was shocked on the way I spoke, the way I acted and stuff like that, it had really been years, since I last sat on the same table with him.

But now that I learned the truth, I really did see how Xeng is really treating me very well as a real true friend. And yet, I was trying to avoid bringing up this topic when he was with me all along, putting a wall in between us. That very night, he knew I would be lonely, yet, he came entertaining me that night.

No hard feelings, but this is how I felt all these years.

**End**