Tough Life

Yea, have been missing for quite a while, due to my busy life at work.

Work has been really tough to me these weeks cause of peak period and which I had to settle 5 files in 2 weeks! My idiotic boss has not been nice to me. My colleagues, they are nice people, well....sort of...nice....

As a conclusion, I hate my job.

Like Jordan told me: A.U.D.I.T.O.R. = All U Do Is Think Of Resigning!

So, in my next post, I'm gonna write about my new year resolution 2014. Like what I did every year. It's just that I've been too busy with work lately, I even have to work on Saturdays, and when I got home, I just wanna plop on my bed and just laze there till I knock out.

Chinese New Year is near, but I still have to work tho, luckily my leave has been approved but only for 2 days. What a celebration.

So, I still hate my job and I just hate my low paid salary!

**End**

A Lil Celebration

26th November 2013: remarks OHNO SATOSHI's 33rd birthday! Love him so much!

Although I haven't been into Arashi so much lastly but I still remember their birthdays and celebrate for them!

Otanjoubi Omedetou! <3

Anyway, a lil update about myself lately;

Just started on leave from my work cause my exam, ACCA is less than 2 weeks away.

Work is totally killing me! Hate my work!

Exam is also killing me! Haven't been so scared of exams so much in my life, cause I haven't really started studying at all!

Oh~ And I had my hair cut! Short! >.<

Just passed my convo 2 weeks ago! It was normal and also great!

 

My dad's going on an operation on the first day of my exam, shouldn't have taken the exam. Regret!

Feeling so busy lately, feeling so tired. Really need a break from everything.

**End**

P.S. You might not believe it but I still miss you a lot.

The Twenty-Third!

It's the end of another month again. Days really is moving very fast in my working life.

Work has been really hard on me these weeks. Pretending to feel nothing when I was blamed. Or suppress my anger when those idiots scolded me tho it's not my fault while smiling back at them without answering them back. Talking politely altho I was scolded hardly.

And after all the hardness I went through with all the grudge I held, I still have to smile back at them, greeting them.

But in my mind, I would be like; 'fuck you, bitch!'

I mean seriously, this is so not me. I'm not like this at all. I fight back for my every rights but it is all different during work. I should not. I restrain, I control, I restrict, I apologize for something I wasn't wrong.

And I hate it.

Had a few dissatisfaction with my colleagues lately of my department. Can't stand both of their attitudes at all. I just hope they leave fast enough for me to stay in peace.

Anyway, hang out with Yin Yin and Hoay Hoay and Daniel last week. It has been a while. Felt a bit happy and a bit bored.

 My childhood friend! Known him for like 13years already!

Yin Yin called me yesterday telling me about her boyfriend. I mean like seriously, it lets me had a real thinking about guys. Why are they all so... ... ... I don't even know how to describe them. It's like when they want you, they do anything for you. And when they got you or not, they would assume those doings as sacrifices, one sided from him only.

I concluded that if he would think in this way, he's not worth being loved at all.

Anyway, for the last few weeks, Beng has been bringing me around to hang out a lot. Feeling really happy! A day without work, pressure, studies, just fun!

 A night with the boys!

  A day with Beng and Tatt Yik! Really enjoyed my day!

 

 

 An overnight at Starbucks!

 Just hanging around!

Thanks a lot! I'm glad I had such a good buddy like you!

Lately, have been missing those days so much. That 30 months life. Couldn't say it out, could just act so normal that it sometimes hurts a lot.

**End**

31st Month Anniversary and Others

Yes, it's the 4th of the month again. Time has passed so fast, especially when I'm working.

It's our anniversary again. Furthermore, we've been separated for a month already.

Yet, I'm still not used to this kind of life, still misses those time when I have another person in my life.

He called yesterday, misses his voice... As I listen, my tears roll drop by drop. Knowing finally, he is trying to hold his promise, his last promise to me that he would still wish me every 4th.

So, my working life is really helping me out with these days of my miserable life.

Keeping myself so busy that I just ignored what actually happened in real fact.

Also, keeping Teddy near to me is the only thing comforting me every night.

Sometimes, I'm getting used to it that I don't feel a thing at all. But sometimes, I just got that feel that I missed getting used to having him.

Sometimes, I would just wait. I don't know what I'm waiting but I just get so used to waiting for him to finish work before.

So, end of that topic.

My work life is getting better as I know them. Even at days, they would just make me laugh so hard that it made my day. Like how John and Jimmy co-operate to scare me by the stairs and laughed their ass off or tease lame jokes on me. Like how John is really helping me with my works and files a lot. Like how Yung Ching started to tell me lame jokes and talked to me and chat nonsense with me for no reasons. Like how Wilson is helping me out a lot lately. Like how Jeb is always teasing me that how did I always ended up wearing the same color shirt with Jordan and became Jordan's girl. And like how Jordan is always talking weird stuff and making it feels awkward and disgusting but still funny. And like how Sunny is really taking care of me a lot. Like how Ms. Kang would talked nonsense to the office just to make us happy and how she always molest me.

Trying hard to be happy. But sometimes, I really am.

However, until today, I still have a lil guilt in my heart is which I caused John to get scolded a bit badly due to my carelessness. Not to mentioned he had helped me so much but I couldn't even do such simple follow ups for him.

I would rather let Sunny scold me for my carelessness than him. Felt so guilty that night.

Being a middle person is really a hard thing to do. Especially in between a so-called 2 best friends. Hoong Yi is my colleague and of course I'm close to him. So, if he faces any problems, he would talk to me and stuff but he didn't want Beng to know. Although Beng didn't want to know about Hoong Yi's stuff, but I know he would be feeling a bit sad that among us 3 close friends, Hoong Yi and I have got things like secrets that he didn't know. Felt a bit guilty tho. Especially when I know he always treats me well.

[Altho this picture isn't what it means but it describe me best in my situations]

Tien Wooi and I were really connecting quite a lot through feeling lately cause we are 2 same situation people. After that night at the hotel stay, we were a bit related to each other when it comes to emotions. I really pity him cause I know what he feels.

But one thing I know is I would really want a freedom for at least a period of time. Altho I'm still not used to being alone after 2years+ being double, but still I love being free. I'm just so sick of having people controlling me. I know they don't but their presence kept making me restrict myself from certain things.

And am just so sick of these people who treats me so well when they wanted me, so well that they give me everything I want; but never once admit until when I'm tired of waiting, they just give up as if it's my fault.

Being free is the only thing I yearn for currently, as I can do what I want and it doesn't come with a connection.

So, studies have been a lil pressure lately, so thought of dropping off 1 subject.

Friends are getting lesser. Especially when I need them most.

**End**

30th Month Anniversary

First of all...

Happy 30th Month Anniversary to my boy...

Well, once, was my boy.

Just felt very sad that we couldn't make it to this celebration day.

It hurts me a lot to feel you heart broken and it was all caused by me.

It was supposed to be a very happy day but I just can't make it.

I hold my teddy every day just hoping I would feel you through him. I asked teddy to hug me just to feel you were always there for me.

I wake up every morning seeing all the couple keychains and stuff on top of my bed staring back at me.

Tears flow down my eyes every time I open my eyes.

But I know I cannot turn back anymore.

I'm so sorry.

And I miss you everyday and night like I always do.

**End**

Hate and Love

Recently, many hates and loves came in my live.

Before I enter into this topic, I would like to annouce, I lost my precious thing in my life. The first gift my boy gave to me, my beloved keychain. I don't understand how it was lost but I'm just very sad about it.

So, this topic, hate and love.

As I've mentioned, I'm now a junior auditor. Started learning about auditing is not as easy as everyone thought it would be. Especially when you're still a junior. When you assist the seniors, it may be easy, but when you start to handle file at the beginner level, it would be a bit difficult.

So, what I hate about this job is that I started to really study about accounts, tax and audits and stuff. I'm trying to understand all the concepts more than I used to just memorize without understanding. So, it's a bit tough for me.

But what I love about this job is the people around me. Although I'm still not close to them, but I know they still treat me well. As I'm the only girl there, today, my manager said something which made my day.

"We only have ONE girl here left. Please do TAKE GOOD CARE of her."

This job doesn't really give me the feel like I hate to go to work every morning. Although I still hate to go to work but once I enter the office, I still feel comfortable there.

Another thing is my boy. I hate him for not having a clear direction on his job and life. He has it but he wasn't 100% confirm. I hate it when he tries to do something out of his basic stable income.

But what I still love about him is that he still treats me like a princess.

So, the next thing is my life. Now that I've 99% changed my lifestyle, what I hate is that I don't get enough sleeps everyday. I'm just so tired. But what I love about it is that when Saturdays comes, I would be really enjoying my this off day to the fullest till I drop! Meeting up with friends and stuff, makes me really happy.

There are still a few things which I hate and love at the same time for now. But, it's nothing main.

**End**

Major Change

I've started my work as an auditor for like 3 weeks. Yes, this is the third week already.

I do realize there are a lot of changes in my life.

A very simple example is the time I sleep everyday and wake up everyday.

I used to sleep at 4am and wake up at 1pm. But now, I sleep at 11pm and wake up at 7am.

Not to mention the kind of people I start hanging out with.

I used to hang out with my little juniors and also Ah Hui Ko. But now, I'm like totally 100% hanging out with Hoong Yi and Beng.

And also, I only meet my boy like 4 hours in a week.

I really don't have the time. I was too tired to even talk to him on the phone. I may sometimes wait for him but as a consequence, I got sleepy during work. And I hate that sleepy feeling during work.

I also realized our gap is growing a distance. Remembering what the teller told me, our distance, really is going far.

Sometimes, I'm just too tired to take care of this problem. It's like I don't care anymore.

I know he puts effort in this problem, but I'm sorry, I don't. I'm just too tired.

From the very moment I stepped into the office, I knew my life would change drastically.

But seriously, if my boy were to take this reason to leave me, I would accept. Cause I really don't have the time to go lovey dovey like I used to. I may object but then I might really accept the fact.

**End**

The Feeling

I'm now on the way home from my trip to Langkawi Island.

Sitting on the bus.  The feeling.  Yes,  sometimes I love the feeling of riding a bus to a journey.  Sometimes,  I just don't.  Especially when I'm on the way home.

It always make me feel like time goes so fast and I'm already done with my holidays,  back to my reality world.

Now,  I'm feeling down. This is the first trip with my SEGi college classmates. Really,  I admit... it was really tiring but really it was memorable and really had a great time with them.

Going home now is making me thinking back what we did during the trip. Realising my friends and their characteristics. Some may be good,  some may be bad.

However,  I would always convince myself that overall,  the trip would be part of my memory.

**End**