We've made it this far

I was to post a post about my new year resolution until I remembered today, 30/12/2015 is Mr Man and my 2nd anniversary as couples.

I can't believe we've made it this far with my bad and princess attitude, the arguements, fghts, ups and down. However, due to my workload and stuff, we didn't celebrate at all this year.

But hey, I still love him.

Dear, I know you hate me for being such a jerk but I love you for having such patience when I'm a total jerk. You're the only man who could deal with my temper and my winds and storm. I'm looking for a future with you, so make sure you be more romantic in the years to come =P


**End**

Near to an end again

2 more days and it's the end of my life in 2015. Time really pass so-so fast.

Hey, people! If you have anything to tell me all these while, tell me before this year ends!

But yea, like anyone's gonna read my blog here. Whatever.

Okay, these 2 days is gonna be over really fast due to my busy work, stock take. A lil bit here and there, gonna briefly write about my life recently.

I've got a job, in an audit firm again. It's almost the worst place to work in. Colleagues; terrible. Workload; too loose. Management; the worst. Seriously, the one and only thing which made me stay is the feeling of my boss looking up at me, giving a high increment. Not really gonna stay long in this firm. Sometimes, I just though maybe I should have just go to Singapore with Yvonne and Ah Tine 2 years ago. But the chance came again when KY told me she's going this coming April, but I can't resign now. My boss is really treating me well while looking up at me.

So, about friends, as usual getting lesser. Oh yes, you know, after 6 years that guy I most hated suddenly sent me a message through FB messenger to tell me he wants to be friends with me again. Like, what the fuck?! Friends or not doesn't bother me at all, but I felt really fed up with this guy. I don't need a friend like him anymore. He says til as if I am a really good friend, the best of the best, so he didn't wanna lose a friend like me. Like hell, I'm sure he asked all other girls too. Otherwise, I know I'm the best of the best friends people around me had ever had, provided you treat me well. But he failed, 6 years ago. And I'm not afraid of you or avoiding you, AT ALL.

Just a few things for you:

I gave u chances, but the past is the past. I don't get why are you still living in the past and trying to drag me with you. To know me once again? You don't know who are you dealing with. I'm not the same anymore, not as innocent and as stupid as I was.

Okay, my next blog will be about my new year resolution and reflection of my 2015. Cheers!


**End**

A month of thinking

It has been a month since I stop working. Many things had happened. A lot of thinking, in the end there is no conclusion to it. Well, let's just start with what I did within this one month time.

I immediately went to Bangkok with KY and her friend which made the whole trip sucked like hell. I hated the trip. And I lost about RM400 there. I bought nothing and almost see nothing.

 

However, it was still better than my Hong Kong trip with my parents which sucked even more. We followed the tour company. I bought nothing and also see nothing. Argh.... my whole dream trip sucks. And I had to act as if I love it.

And everyday is like sticking myself on my bed the whole day. Thought a lot of things. Reminisces a lot of past, how I've grown to be who I am today. It was terrible. Especially that night when Xeng and I were talking about about past, it made me realised how naive and carefree I was. I so wanna runaway to the past where I have to fear to anything, just do whatever I want without thinking. I was so beloved by so many people.

Now, my friends are getting lesser and lesser day by day. I wasn't as popular as I was anymore. Things had changed. Many questions in the past remain unanswered. Many questions in the future, I'm seeking for answers.

**End**

So many excitements!

Four days to go and I'm free! I don't know whether they will do a farewell for me but I do know I'm gonna be free!

So many plans going on. I'm definitely going to Malacca, Bangkok and Hong Kong in May! Maybe Singapore again and KL in June.

So many places for me to discover. As I told Jordan, in these 1 or 2 months, I'm gonna find myself. 

Money is important for me currently. Work and earn as much as possible while I can. I may even betray my interest for money. I know it's bad but that is what I call reality. It's cruel. People have been introducing me to jobs with high pay. Of course, working on the road I'm running. But maybe I should just stop a while and think for a second, find myself and just be myself for a month or two. When I know the final answer, I will have to work hard again. Maybe I'll accept the high pay offer, or maybe I should just get a lower pay job and just be happy.

This job had really woke me up to so many things; sad, happy; me and myself; things around; people and etc. I realised I have made my decision to run this accounting road too fast that I don't know where was I supposed to be belonged. So, I'm gonna take this opportunity to find myself, to find where I really belong, what road was I initially supposed to run. I might start all over again, running a different road or path, or I might just continue running the same road.

I'm having a guess that I'll just get the high pay job and work like a donkey cow. yea, cause at the end of the day, the money I received, it's totally worth all my effort. We never know.

**End**

The GUTS!

Yap! I finally had the guts to actually fire my boss! I've finally resigned! My last day would be end of this month! I'm kinda glad I finally resigned. After much persuasion, my boss finally let me go. I was so much relieved and so much of smiling shown on my face. So happy. But the condition is I have to finish all my jobs on hand which led me to more overtimes lately. I still have so much files on hand.

Still, I'm really proud and glad to tell everyone I finally resigned! Thank you everyone for your support. Without a job, I still can survive up to 3 months!

Everything just seems so less stressful after I've finally threw the letter to my boss although there's still so much more files to do.

Being in this firm for almost 2 years really made me think back what I've done so far. I sure learn a lot from here and am still learning. I'll miss the memories and colleagues here but I'm sure I won't come back anymore. (Although I told my boss I might.)

**End**

New Year Resolution 2015

Finally, free and mood-ed enough to do this! A reflection of my year 2014 and a 2015 new year resolution.

My 2014 resolution is:

1. SAVE MORE MONEY!

2. Trying to be more updated on Arashi's news

3. Doing more art!

4. Change a job.

Well, after like a few years not fulfilling my major and first resolution; saving more money, finally I did it. It's partly cause my stable job which helped me. So, I did saved some money. Got worsen in Arashi's update and well, did not do more art but did 1 satisfying one and didn't even get my job changed.

So, reflecting what had happened in year 2014;

1. I still did not change my job but at least I got used to it and I really learned a lot of things not to say gain a lot of knowledge. However, I know people are starting to look down on me cause I have limited knowledge.

And getting to know Jeb so much is like a dream come true as he is totally my colleague crush! But he resigned, and his last day with me alone in his car talking was totally unforgettable and awesome!

And also get to know Jimmy and Jordan better while being a short-term best buddy is really fun!

2. Went for 2 short trips with Mr Man and first time with Ah Wei & Amanda.

3. Got my hair curled-up again!

4. My christmas was kinda normal and a lil awesome and my new year eve kinda sucks.

Okay, seriously, I really didn't achieve much last year cause work totally took a huge part of my year. A peak period for my work took like half the year and other than that, it was all the normal routine of going to work and finish work. And I didn't even achieve any academic achievements. 

So, my 2015 resolution would be:

1. Save even MORE money.

2. Going on a trip to Hong Kong and/or Taiwan or anywhere out from my hometown. (At least I have went to Singapore in mid-January)

3. Get my job changed! (Planned, March to resign)

4. Maybe get a solo bridal photoshoot.

So, I'm gonna pump things up and not waste my 2015 like last year, although I have already simply wasted my January 2015 with loads of work! Gonna write an exciting 2015 story for myself! <3

**End**

Did you know?

Okay, first of all, HAPPY 2015 NEW YEAR! and a belated MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Seems like a happy post initially right? No. It isn't. I don't know whether to describe it as a spilling-out-the-truth post or whatever post you would like to describe it. I know it's the first post of the year, and the first post should be a happy one but, who cares. No one I know really reads this blog of mine anyway.

It was New Year of 2015. It was when I see, hear and speak the truth I've been keeping inside of me from him. Him, points to a good friend of mine, Xeng. I never knew that actually, he knew the truth earlier than I do.

There and then, after like 5 years, he finally asked what had happened 5 years back with that particular guy I now hated. Well, I didn't wanna say and tell as I care most for my friends and especially Xeng. But timing and fate got me to; we were stuck in the car park jam for hours during New Year midnight.

He asked. I didn't wanna say much but all I said was because I hated when that guy speaks bad about my friends. I hated it. He asked who was the person that he spoke of. I kept quiet. He knew who was I saying, he answered for me; it was himself. Surprisingly, he said he knew.

What surprised me most was he knew it all along, for 5 years. And I was like keeping this secret like forever, seeing both of the boys be such close buddies, I did not wanna be the bitch who goes talking bad about someone all around the world. I asked Xeng if he knows about our argument, and what shocked me was he didn't know at all! That guy didn't even tell him like I thought! Damn I was so naive. I should have just told him everything and hang in there with Xeng instead hiding and avoiding the fact from him! Damn!

Xeng even told me, that guy actually went to him and warned him not to come close to me because he loves me back in those time. I was like; What the Fuck is going on?! Why was I the only person, and the person who is involved, didn't know such thing! And damn! He even speaks bad about Wu Feng, my college crush?! And also my other friends behind me?

And Xeng proved me right all along, he was jealous! His jealousy was too heavy which took over him that chased away all my friends! And there and then, I thought maybe, just maybe I was wrong about that. But now I know I wasn't!

Xeng didn't say much about him, so did I during that very day. Thinking of why was I so innocent to keep the secret so to have them treasure their friendships that in fact that it was already lost 5 years ago? Why did I not stand strong on my point of view but let my heart go against it? I was too innocent. Damn I was!

That very night, such co-incident that he came along to have supper with us. I did not want to speak a word to him unless he does. He was still the same, looking down on people, faking around with his attitude. I know he was shocked on the way I spoke, the way I acted and stuff like that, it had really been years, since I last sat on the same table with him.

But now that I learned the truth, I really did see how Xeng is really treating me very well as a real true friend. And yet, I was trying to avoid bringing up this topic when he was with me all along, putting a wall in between us. That very night, he knew I would be lonely, yet, he came entertaining me that night.

No hard feelings, but this is how I felt all these years.

**End**