Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

It has been a while since I last read a nice fanfic. Finally! I found one today! ^^

I didn't really like the ending. It was too simple. I would prefer if Sho suicide or got sick etc. and then Nino came back for Sho. Yea... I love angst too much! XDDD I love endings to be angst! I'm an angst freek... XP

Anyway, enjoy =)

~~**♥**~~

Title: Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining

Author: bitsy_chan
Pairing: Sho/Nino
Rating: Light R
Genre: Angst, Romance, AU
Summary: It hurts knowing that he's too late now, knowing Sho is going to spend his forever with someone else and there's nothing he can do about it.
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't. I don't own any of them. This is fiction.
Author's Note: It's been a long time, right? I'm back from hell week, guys. :) This is my Christmas present to all my lovely readers. I love you, guys, thank you for everything. :) This is the longest one-shot I've written. Phew, finally, it's done. I really need sleep, it's like 3 am in the morning here already. -____- 

Falling in love with his own best friend was not something Nino expected. It was cliché, he thought, like those movies or shows where there are two best friends who've been together for almost half their life and then one day, one of the two friends suddenly realized that he had feelings for his best friend. But Nino found it hard to resist. He couldn't stop it and it was hard trying to deny your own feelings.

He never knew when it all started. Maybe it started when he and Sho were just entering high school? Or is it the time where Sho bought him that limited edition RPG game that he always wanted? He never really knew. His feelings just came. Those feelings he had was so familiar, similar from when he first fell in love with a girl during his middle school years but somehow, his feelings for Sho were different, more powerful, strong.

Nino almost wishes he could take back these feelings he had for his friend because he knew it was no good. He had no chance with Sho. Sho would never see him as more than a friend.

Days go by and they grew closer together. Nino was only falling harder. He wanted to change what was between them, to try and push boundaries to see if it would work. The problem is, Nino is too afraid. He's afraid that after he confesses his feelings, Sho wouldn't look at him the same again. Nino sometimes spaces out when he and Sho would talk, Sho does most of the talking and Nino listens, he does but his mind takes his attention away from Sho and towards what he's feelings and what he should do with them. And then Sho taps him on his shoulder and his eyes meet Sho's while he asks "Nino, are you okay?" and he goes with a response of "Yeah, just thinking." and then Sho beams him his infamous toothy grin and Nino's mind swirls and goes blank.

Nino wanted to make a move. He wanted a change of things.

__________

The day Sho told him he had a girlfriend, Nino's world came falling apart. Her name was Yoshida Nanami, a girl with round and sparkling brown eyes and long, straight black hair. She was pretty, just the type of girl Sho likes. They've been dating for almost half a year now and Sho never told him about her, never showed any signs of even having a girlfriend. The pain grew inside him but Nino pushed it aside and instead he raises a brow at him, asking for an explanation as if he was his wife that needed an explanation what his husband had been doing behind her back. Sho did look guilty but not in that kind of guilty that Nino wanted to see.

"Why didn't you tell meeee," Nino pouts. He could feel a sting in his chest. A sting of betrayal and jealousy. "How long have you been going out with her?"

"I'm sorry," Sho says, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment and tightening his hold on his girlfriend's waist. That move made Nino's heart clench." We've been going out for seven months already and I really was planning on telling you as soon as possible but I ended up not telling you because I was still too shy and all."

"And I thought you wouldn't keep any secrets from me, you ass," Nino says, giving him a punch on the arm. Sho flinches for a tiny bit and smiles apologetically. Nino hears Nanami giggle at his side, cooing at how cute Nino was and he unconsciously grits his teeth. He takes a deep breath and works up a smile. "You're forgiven, Sakurai but you owe me a video game."

"Sure, Nino but I can't buy you that video game right now."

"Why not?"

"Nana-chan and I have a date." Sho smiles and Nino forces his back. They talk for a couple of minutes more before the couple leaves for their date. Sho tells him before they go out not to tell Aiba-chan and the others about this whole thing because he's the one who's going to tell them himself. Nino nods, agreeing to make it a secret and pushing him out of the door before he shuts it and slide down the nearest wall his back hits. He covers his face with his hands, tears threatening to fall down his cheeks.

After that day, he kept praying, praying that Nanami and Sho would have a big fight and then break up. And after the break up, Sho would be back with Nino, spending more time with him, making up for the time he spent not being with his best friend. They would be back to playing video games 40 hours straight with Nino winning most of the time and Sho failing but having fun at the same time Nino is. They would go back to being normal and Nino could have his chance and then maybe, something might happen. No more secrets, no more pain.

The problem is that day never came. Sho was completely in love with her. He would tell Nino different stories about the two of them and Nino would be nodding and smiling at Sho, hiding the pain he has underneath that only grew bigger and bigger.
__________

Nino stopped counting for the days that he waited for something to happen. He stopped counting for the days Sho and Nanami had spent together and then eventually break up because it was useless and it had been two years already. Nino and Sho's relationship didn't change; Sho treated him the same way like he always did. Nino kept hiding the pain he held inside, wishing that Sho would see right through him and understand and heal his pain.

Tonight, Nino was invited over at Sho's apartment along with his good buddies, Aiba, Jun and Ohno. Nino rushed over as fast as he could after he read it saying: It's really important and I want you guys to come here as soon as possible.

"What could the message mean? Did something bad happen to Sho?" Nino thought, as he was running (Thank god, their apartments were close with one another.) and many possible answers to his question swarmed his mind, both negative and positive. When he reached the doorstep and rang the bell, he was greeted with a happy Sho and Nino gulped down a lump in his throat. Sho lead him by the living room where the other three were seating by the sofa. Nino took a seat beside Sho and waited for Sho to start discussing.

"Guys," says Sho, the tone of his voice was serious and it made Nino nervous for some reason. There was a short pause in which Sho took a deep breath and then: "I'm going to ask for Nanami's hand in marriage."

Huge grins grew on his friends' faces as they stand up and give Sho their encouraging words and hugs. Nino was the last to give him a hug, digging his chin on his friend's sloppy shoulder and placing a sad smile on his face that Sho wouldn't notice from their hug. He pulls back and playfully grins at Sho. "Oh man, my best friend's going to be a husband soon. You're going to leave me behind, then."

"Don't be silly," Sho pushes him playfully when Nino pinches his cheek. "You'll always be my best friend that I could never ever replace for anyone."

It made Nino better for a little bit, knowing how important he is in Sho's life but still. It's not exactly the words that Nino wanted to hear from Sho right now.
_______

Nino sneaked into Sho's house using the spare key that Sho gave him to get his Dragon Quest CD that he left three weeks after their marathon of completing all the sub-types I to VIII but they've only finished until the fifth. He went over towards the shelf of CDs Sho has beside his television and searched for the game he was looking for. He was too engrossed into finding his CD over thousands of names written on the labels that he didn't hear the front door opening.

"Nino?" Nino jumps in surprise, hands automatically grabbing his chest as if it had fallen out. Sho made his way towards Nino and Nino noticed, he was glowing. He had a large grin written on his face that Nino came to love so much. "What are you doing here?"

"I just came by to pick up my---" Nino was suddenly pulled into a tight hug, tight enough to take his breath away. He, at first, was taken back by his sudden movement but he gladly returned it. He could smell a new scent coming from Sho, a new cologne he wasn't much fond of unlike the old one that he likes as he hugs him and he resists the urge to bury his head on the crook of his neck. He settles on giving his best friend a pat on the back instead. "S-sho, what's wrong? You--"

"I'm getting married, Nino," Sho whispers to him. "She said 'yes' earlier."

Nino swallows, pats him again. "Congratulations, Sakurai."

The only thing Nino could think of at that time was: I'm too late.
_____

After that night, the news came spreading like forest fire. Sho's friends and family were ecstatic but Nino was the only one who wasn't happy.

Nanami and Sho's wedding is in July which is in four months. Eventhough it was still faraway, it's been busy. Sho's time is filled with plans, plans and more plans and there is no 'Nino time' to squeeze in. With Nino spending less time with Sho, he thought of his feelings once again. Maybe, he needed to forget his feelings about Sakurai. It hurts knowing that he's too late now, knowing Sho is going to spend his forever with someone else and there's nothing he can do about it. Maybe, I should abandon these feelings of mine, he thought. I wish I never had these feelings. With these with me, I have a hard time dealing with my current situation right now. He thought of it, thinking over at it hard, doubting and not doubting it at the same time. He sighs, frustrated at himself and just wishes that Sho had never met Nanami in the first place and should have confessed earlier so that he and Sho would have been in love.

He sighed once again, placing his forehead on the table where he was composing a song for an upcoming game.
_____

A few weeks later, Sho calls Nino up for shopping. Nino chuckles and tells Sho that maybe he's got the wrong person. Sho whines over the phone but Nino denies, telling him he should just call Aiba or Jun for these kind of things. He really wasn't that into shopping anyway and Nino was definitely not in the mood to talk to Sho right now right after ignoring his best friend for weeks and for making him go crazy with these feelings he wished he didn't have.

Sho tries persuading him more, telling him he'll buy him his favourite hamburgers for lunch and almond jelly for desert. Nino likes to think that Sho is asking him out on a date but he still doesn't want to go. Sho still persuades.

"I told you, I don't want to, Sho." Nino starts getting annoyed and he groans.

"What's wrong with you, Nino? Haven't gotten laid lately?" Sho teases him over the phone.

"Nothing and no, that is none of your business."

"None of my business, huh?"

"Yup," Nino sighs. "Now, call Aiba to come with you and stop talking to me." The minute those words slipped from his mouth, he covers his mouth. He didn't really mean it but he was just--

"Nino," Sho's voice turned from playful to serious. "Is there a problem? Tell me."

"I told you, there's nothing wrong!" There is something wrong.

"Oh, yeah? Why am I not convinced?"

"Sho, believe me."

"Ah, I think I know what this is," says Sho, pausing for a moment then continuing. "You're jealous, aren't you? Don't worry, Nino, when the time comes, you'll be able to find that special someone that you would fall deeply in love with."

There a pause. Nino covers his mouth as he chokes, tears gathering in his eyes, pain smashing in his chest and he had to fight back another choke as he speaks back at Sho, trying to sound smug as he could. "W-whatever, Sho," Yes, I am jealous. And I'm already in love; I'm completely and hopelessly in love with you. "Ask Aiba, I've got to go."

Nino hangs up and tears fall from his eyes. He clutches at the pain in his chest and falls back on his bed, hoping, still hoping for a chance that he wants to have with Sho. He just can't stop loving Sho.
_____

Nino regrets rejecting Sho's offer. He was acting stupid and he knows it. He shouldn't have taken it all out on Sho because it wasn't his fault. He didn't want to trouble or upset the man with all his nonsense or foolishness so he decided he would make it up to Sho, for his best friend's sake.

He took a warm shower, got ready and slipped on his shoes and when he opened the door, he wasn't expecting someone or rather this someone that kept invading his heart no matter how much he ignore it. Sho stands on the other side, expression contorted like a deer caught in the headlights. He had a fist up in the air as if he was about to knock and when he saw Nino; he dropped it slowly to the side and gave a smile. "Good afternoon, Nino,"

"Mm, same to you too, Sakurai. What brings you here?" Sho was about to come in but Nino stopped him by closing the door, locking it and placing the keys on the back pocket of his board shorts. He scrapes his shoes on the floor then looked up at Sho, eyes looking for an answer from his earlier question.

"I was worried," Shoot. "You sounded strange when we talked over the phone yesterday and I thought maybe I should come over and have a talk with you. Or more like hang out with you again, I guess. I've been busy these past few days and it seems like I've been neglecting my best friend. I miss hanging out with my best friend."

"Okay, I'll come with you, let's go to the coffee shop Jun-kun recommended for me. Then we'll talk." Nino had to fight the urge to not let those tears in his eyes come when Sho said he missed him and he does too. He managed to keep a straight face and control his voice. Sho nods and they start walking. The walk towards the coffee shop didn't take that long. It took about twenty minutes or less to get there and they immediately spotted a seat for two by the window.

The waitress went over to them to take their orders. Nino said he'd like some cola while Sho would like some milk tea. She jutted down their orders in a small yellow notepad and went away after smiling at them, mostly at Nino. When the waitress was out of view, Sho chuckled behind his hand. "Did you see that?" Nino looked at him from his sudden question. "What?"

"The waitress was definitely checking you out," Sho teases him, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "I was pretty sure she was about to ask if you were available or something."

"Well, she didn't," Nino scoffs. Sho chuckles again before he gets serious.

"Nino," Sho starts, tapping his fingers on the table before looking him in the eyes once again. "Is this about Nanami? Do you hate her?"

"No, I don't hate her," Nino plays with the tissue dispenser on the side of the table, avoiding eye contact from Sho.

"Then, what's been bugging you? Tell me."

"You just asked me that yesterday and I told you, there's nothing wrong."  That's a lie.
"Then why do you seem so unhappy?"

"I'm just sleepy. I didn't get enough sleep. I played Mario Kart for like hours before I fell asleep." That's another lie. I've been crying all night, thinking about you while my heart keeps breaking.
Sho bites his lips and leans across the table to get a good look at Nino. His eyes darts to the side, avoiding the stern gaze that appeared in Sho's eyes. Sho was not convinced. "That does not look like...It looks more like you've been crying."

"I-i was not," Nino responds, hand curling into a fist underneath the table.

"Don't lie to me, Nino, tell me what's wrong."

"N-nothing, Sho! Stop asking me!" He almost shouts, almost forgetting the fact that they were in a coffee shop, where they were surrounded by lots of people. He ignores the gazes he could feel from the people who might have heard him. Their orders came later on as they were both in silence. Nino looks up from his lap to meet Sho's eyes. Nino closed his eyes and sighed. "Don't you worry about me, Sho. You have other more important things to worry about other than me."

"What are you saying, Nino? Are you saying I shouldn't worry about my best friend just because I'm getting married?!" It was Sho's turn to get upset or angry from the way Nino sees it. People are now looking at them, curious, concerned as to what is going on but Nino doesn't care.
All he feels right now is guilt.
"Don't be like that, Nino," Sho says, eyes lowering, voice hinting sadness. "Dont say things like that."

"I'm sorry, Sho,"

"Don't be, it's not your fault."

Nino opens his mouth to say something but he holds it back. For the second time, silence overlaps them and it kills Nino inside because it had never been like this before, never been so awkward and quiet like they were strangers to one another. And again, Sho breaks it.

"You know I care about you, right?" Sho says, taking a hold of his hand from across the table, squeezing it tightly, assuring him. "I really care about you, Nino, I do. Don't you ever forget it."

"I know," Nino whispers, comforted from the warmth of Sho's hand but somehow, his words were not enough.
_____

"Nino-chan," Ohno walks towards him, seating beside him on the sofa. "What's the problem?"

It's been months since his argument with Sho. They've made up a few days later after that, Nino making it up for their argument by inviting Sho over for a movie marathon. Sho was happy that there were no problems between them right now but Nino still has that is why he called Ohno, one of the other people he's close to whom he can tell anything besides Sho, to tell someone about his feelings and problems and to have someone who will comfort him.

When Nino tells Ohno about everything, Ohno looks at him, quiet but concerned. It felt good to let it all out on someone who understands even if they don't respond much (Like Ohno does.). But today, he was rather surprised from what he hears coming out from Ohno after. "This must've been really tough on you, Kazu," Ohno pulls him in a hug that Nino gradually accepts. He's been needing this comforting hugs for days too. Tears begin to fall from his eyes too as held Ohno closer to him. "B-but if you tell Sho-kun your feelings, you're risking your friendship with him." Nino nods against Ohno's shoulder, more tears rolling down his face. It hurts because it's true.

"If you want Sho-kun to be happy because you love him," Ohno pulls back, looking back at Nino with a sad smile. Nino wipes his tears with his hands. "Then you should be happy for him."

Nino sniffs, wiping his tears more. Ohno pats his shoulder. "W-w-would it be selfish of me if I was the one who wanted to be happy because I love him and I want to be with him?"

Ohno doesn't answer his question. He does his best to comfort him even so.  Nino doesn't blame him because he doesn't know if he knows the real answer to that either.
_____

With a few more weeks passing by, July has come at last. It's a month of bliss for everyone who looks forward to Sho's wedding but Nino wasn't feeling it because by next week, his best friend will already get married.

All the preparations for the wedding were done, the cake, the wedding gown and the tuxedo for the bride and groom (Nino wasn't able to see Sho in the tuxedo for the first time since he bought it. He cursed and regretted not accepting the the offer Sho gave him about them going shopping together for clothes on that special day.), the reception, the guests, the church, the photographers and the food and beverages were done too. Nino also remembered the time Sho told him he should be his best man; Nino couldn't help but accept it because he is Sho's best friend and he would be very sad if it was someone else.

Not only is he the best man in the wedding, he is also going to perform a song made by him in front of the married couple and the guests during the reception. Nino doesn't want to do it because that is the least thing he wants to do after the wedding. All he wants to do after the wedding is runaway, never to be seen again, or be found dead. Again, he couldn't help but not decline Sho's offer because this is Sho he was talking about and he couldn't resist him. All he wanted to do was crawl inside a hole and die.

He was still in deep depression after all of these things that happened for the past two and a half years and he doesn't know if he could make it or not. He was thinking of dying to end his misery because it was all too much, it was all too fast for him. But then, he thought of Sho's smile, his huge smile and then all his lost, he couldn't do it no matter how much he wants to do it.
_____

Three days before Sho's big day, Jun decided to throw a bachelor's party just for Sho. It was his last night to do everything he wants no matter how stupid or ridiculous it may be (And because it was okay, Aiba hired a bunch of strippers for the night.). Nino had to go because Sho insisted and even if he did deny Sho's invitation, he will still be dragged over to this party no matter what. He and Sho arrived together and the minute Sho steps inside the club Jun hired, he was greeted with a lot of friends--mostly from their high school and college days and co-workers. Nino watched from the side, smiling at Sho, taking in the sweet smile the blooms from Sho's face as he greets his friends.

As Sho gets busy celebrating with his friends, on the other side of the room, Nino sits by the bar, drinking beer until he's so drunk, he doesn't care about anything anymore. He keeps drinking, ignoring the pain that starts to grow inside his head until he was approached by one of the strippers, asking for his name and if he wanted a lap dance from her. The room was spinning, he was starting to feel dizzy but he shakes it off, grabbing a bottle of beer and took a huge swig out of it.

 Hours have passed and he didn't know when or how ended up in this situation right now, with a girl stripper on his lap with his tongue down her throat. He tugs at the girl's hair he was making out with, her brunette hair soft against his fingers as he continued to ravish her mouth. In his mind, he pretended that the girl on his lap was Sho, whispering dirty things to him and rubbing his groin on to Nino. But in reality, she was just a stripper, not Sho. Nino tugs at her hair once more, pulling her mouth off his and pushing her away.

He walks away, feeling dizzy, going over the nearest wall he could lean his head back. He closed his eyes shut from the pain and he tried to massage it to put the pain away. The lights were too bright and the crowd was too noisy for his liking. He covered his eyes from the light while he stands up. He starts to make his way over but he accidentally bumps into someone. He looks up to see who it was and the light hits his eyes and he squints and when he gets a better look of the person, his jaw dropped down slightly.

"S-sakurai," Nino says. Sho smiles and grabs his hand. They start to walk out of the club; Sho leads them into a dark alley. He gets pushed up on the wall and he yelps in surprise. He looks up to look at Sho, his eyes didn't have anything in them, no emotion, but his gaze on Nino was strong, strong enough to make Nino nervous. Sho was drunk and so was he but Sho was a worse when it comes to being drunk than he is so he doesn't know what will come next. He saw Sho took a deep breath and then he spoke in a low, warm voice.

"Kazunari," Nino shivers at the sound of his first name. Sho rarely calls him "Kazunari" not that he didn't mind, he does and he liked it when he's being called by his first name by Sho. Sho steps a little closer so there wasn't enough space in between them and sets both of his hands on the either side of Nino's head. Nino must've been hallucinating or dreaming because this seemed to impossible for it to happen with Sho here in front of him, too close, ready to lean in and--

Sho kissed him. It surprised him at first because he must've been pretty drunk to pass out on the club's floor and dream of him and Sho kissing but no-- this was real, a real contact of lips and there was warmth.

At first it was just a brush of lips, soft like a feather but then it got deeper, more passionate. Sho's lips were soft like he imagined they would be, moving so fine against his own. Sho bites and suck at his lower lip hard enough for it to bleed, their tongues battled for dominance and Sho has no idea how this was taking Nino's breath away. They both break apart when they lacked air and Sho's forehead pressed against his as they both try to catch their breath. Nino notices that Sho's eyes were darker now, filled with lust.

"I want you so bad right now," Sho murmurs on to his ear, voice husky that made Nino shiver once again. Nino's arms go around his shoulder and pulling him closer in a kiss, deepening it, taking into memory Sho's sweet taste. His kisses were addicting like a drug and Nino couldn't get enough. Sho's lips glided perfectly against his own and Nino moans when those perfect little lips of his start kissing their way down his throat.  Sho brings their hips together roughly and he responds with a roll of his hips towards Sho. He hears him groan and it delighted him.

In the back of Nino's mind, he screamed at himself, asking himself to stop what he is doing right now because he knows he might regret this later. He should push Sho away and run. He must stop because it will only cause trouble for the both of them but then he doesn't do anything.

He...just couldn't stop.

He ignored his thoughts. He let his feelings and lust take over him as he pulled Sakurai closer, wanting him as much as he did.
_____

He woke up in a rush. For a moment, Nino layed still on the bed, blinking, staring at the clock on the bedside table that read 4:30 am, trying to piece all of what happened earlier. The events of what happened tonight flashed back at him as Nino sat up suddenly. Pain jolted through his head as he tried to get a better view of his surroundings. He blinks for a few more times, cradling his aching head with both hands. This is why he hates drinking. He hates the painful 'after-effect ' it brings him in the morning but he probably deserved this anyway. When he opens his eyes again and scanned the room he was in, his eyes widened and his mouth hanged open as he realized where he was.

To make it sure or to prove he was right, he looked over to his left and saw him. Nino was at loss for words and even in thoughts. He was in Sho's room, he was beside him and they were both naked. He cursed repeatedly inside his head, pain still rushing towards him as he looked pass over the events of the night. It wasn't a dream, they really did have sex. Just how drunk was he last night?

"I've made Sho into a cheater," He mumbles and when those words left his mouth, pain grew inside his chest not only in his head. "I..I didn't want things to end this way, this..."

He's been too busy shouting at himself inside his head, telling himself he should go and start the plan of going away and never to be seen again when then the bed started to move under him and he looked at his side again. The only things he could make out in his head was 'holy shit, holy shit, holy shit' when he saw the familiar face start to stir in his sleep, groaning in pain and blinking his eyes open. All the guilt and nervousness washed over him as he met Sho's eyes. He saw the look of horror in Sho's eyes when their eyes met and he looked away. He could feel Sho sit up next to him too, their shoulders bumping because of how small the bed is. Nino prepared himself for the worst.

"Ni-nino, w-what happened?" Nino let out a breath of relief when he heard nervousness and guilt in his voice instead of anger. Nino avoided his eyes, not wanting to answer. Sho took a deep breath beside him. "What...what did we do?"

Nino still doesn't answer. He was expecting he would be kicked out of his bed and apartment while he was being at shouted with foul words because he deserved them well but no, the only thing he gets was a gentle movement from Sho, bringing his hand under his chin to meet his eyes. Sho places both of his hands on Nino's bony shoulders to make him look at him. Nino bit his lower lip, preventing the tears that start to form on the corners of his eyes from coming out.

"I-I'm sorry, Sho, this is my fault," Nino starts, swallowing before he continues. "We were drunk and this happened and I should've stopped it but---"

"No, I think this is my fault, Nino" Sho cuts him off. Nino shakes his head, telling him it was his but Sho took the blame. "I'm sorry about tonight."

Nino starts to form his own sentence but Sho still beats him to it. "I may have pushed your...no, our boundaries in our friendship but...I want you to forgive me."

Nino nodded and Sho gave him a sad smile.

Then, Nino started to cry. He breaks the eye contact and puts his head down, tears now running down his cheeks. Damn, hormones, he thought. Sho was surprised by this and he took Nino's face in his hands again, wiping those tears away with his thumbs. He could now see hurtful expression on Sho's face or maybe it was his imagination but he doesn't care because the next thing he knows, he was pulled into a tight hug from Sho. Tears continued to run down his face as he pulled Sho closer, burying his face on the crook of his neck. He might be pulled away from what he's doing but nothing happened, Sho continued to hold him tight.

"Nino. Why are you crying?"

He doesn't want to answer that, so he continues to let his tears out. Sho pats his back in soothing circles and it comforts him enough that he has to pull away to get a look from Sho's face. It was embarrassing that Sho could see his tear-stained face but he doesn't care. He wants to answer Sho but if he told him, their friendship might never be the same again. So instead, he just gives him another answer, an answer he wishes Sho might reconsider.

"Don't mind me crying, Sakurai," He works up a smile to tries to come up with an answer and remove the somewhat depressing atmosphere that envelopes them. "I'm just crying because I can't believe I had sex with my own best friend before he gets married! Can you believe that?"

Sho gives him a look of disbelief, serious and curious at the same time. "I did do something wrong, did I?"

"Sho, it's not--" Nino sighs. "You didn't do anything wrong, it's just that..." He couldn't say it. The words are stuck in his throat as he tried to find a better response.  "Forget it, okay? Just forget it. Don't mind me crying. You're getting married tomorrow, Sho, remember that."

"I know but I still don't know why you cried so please tell me--"

"And Sho, I don't know if this was a mistake or not but please, do me a favour and let's not ruin anything between us, okay? Tonight just...happened, it did but were pretty drunk and it was only for tonight. It will never happen again."

He hopes that he could convince Sho he was alright even when he knows he's not. He just didn't want to worry his best friend again. He starts to slide out off bed but Sho stops him by grabbing his wrist.

"Don't...I mean," Nino could see hesitation in his eyes. Sho looked like he trying to find the right words to say. "Again, I'm sorry, Nino."

That's not what I want to hear. I want you to say "Don't go." Nino takes a breath and looks at him. "It's okay, Sho." He smiles again eventhough deep inside him, he still wants to break. "I just want you to--" love me back, is what he wants to say but he stops himself. "be happy, Sho."

Sho smiles but Nino could've sworn he saw a flash of regret and pain in them but maybe he was just seeing thing, assuming things. Sho lets go of Nino's hand carefully and Nino slides out, grabbing his clothes and putting them on. After he's all fixed, he turns to look back at Sakurai again and he waves.

"See you tomorrow, Sho." Nino closed the door behind him, heading out of Sho's apartment. He plans on going over to the nearest drug store too, to get some painkillers for his head and oh, how he wished it could help his poor aching heart too.

______

Today was the big day. His alarm clock buzzes beside him and he refuses to sit up and turn it off. He was too lazy, still sleepy and very much broken-hearted to even roll over and get up. And he really didn't want to get up because today was Sho's wedding, the day he begged not to come and ruin his life. Today was the day he was going to officially lose Sho forever.

He had no choice, he has to come to this wedding whether he likes it or not. Apart from his friends attending the wedding, his mother and sister were invited by Sho as well and his family would be pissed at him if he didn't attend. He forced himself out of bed, an unsatisfied expression written on his face as he made his way over to the bathroom. After he's done, Nino panics for a moment after remembering that he doesn't have a suit to wear at the wedding. Oh, fuck, he curses but a part of him was a bit happy about this. This could be included with one of the reasons he was trying to come up so he couldn't attend the wedding. I don't have a suit, I forgot to buy one, I'm sorry, added next to, I don't want to go because I can't stand seeing the love of my life getting married.
He walks towards the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee when something caught his eye when he walked passed the living room. Curious, he went over to see what it is and was surprised to see a suit draped over his couch. There was a note stapled on it, with a neat and legible handwriting that was from Sho's.

Nino, here's the suit for today. I got it delivered to your place. Aiba and I bought you one when we went shopping because we figured you were either too busy playing video games or you just forgot. Not that it's a bad thing or a bother, it was okay. :) We hope we got the right size for you and oh, Aiba picked the color of your suit and I think it's really nice. :D You can thank me later, okay? -- Sho
Nino picks the suit up. "I guess there's no other choice but to attend that wedding,"

_____

It turns out, the suit did fit him nice and snugly.

Jun picks him up 15 minutes before ten. Ohno sits with him from the backseat and he tries his best to comfort his friend. Nino looks out from the window, his gaze faraway and thoughts scrambled. Ohno seemed to understand him and he takes a hold of his hand and squeezed it tight. It was warm, comforting and Nino was glad that Ohno was with him right now. He met his eyes from across the sit and Nino could see a certain emotion in them. Sadness and hurt for his friend.

Nino mouths him, 'I'm okay,' and Ohno nods even when he knows he's not convinced. Ohno's words start ringing inside his head from their previous talk. You should be happy for him. Nino chews on his lower lip because Ohno might be right. When they were near, he could see a familiar figure from a far and for a moment, Nino's heart jumped. When he stepped out of the car and was met by Sho, who was in a white tuxedo that fitted him in all places, Nino was in loss for words.

"Hi," Nino manages to say, swallowing nervously. Sho smiles at him and waves back. "Hey,"

"You look great, Sho," You look handsome, breathtaking. Sho cracks a grin, scratching the side of his face from his compliment.

"You don't look so bad yourself," Sho responds. Nino could feel his face heating up. "Well, of course, Aiba-chan and I picked it out for you."

"Thanks, I'm really grateful," Nino says and Sho gives him thumbs up. The atmosphere around the both of them was awkward, probably because of what happened the other night was still fresh in their minds.
_____

Nino heads for the back of the church to look for a bathroom before everything starts. When he does find it, he was surprised to see the man who's getting married today in there. Nino took a breath, still mesmerized by how amazing Sho look in that tuxedo of his, and walked in casually towards the sink to rinse his hands from the dirt. Sho takes the sink beside him, not pretending to not acknowledge his presence and when he was finished he looked at Nino.

"Nino, about the other night, I---"

"We don't have time to be sad, Sho," Nino doesn't want to start their conversation about what happened that night. Not now. He's doing what he can not to ruin his best friend's day. "Today's a big day for you and we shouldn't be miserable, you know?" Sho could only shut up and nod. Nino took a step closer at Sho, looking at him and smiling when he noticed that Sho's tie was crooked. He 'tsks', removing the knot and doing his tie again for him and when he's done, he pats imaginary dusts off Sho's shoulders.

He grins back at Sho and the Sho gives his own grin back at him, taking a step closer until there was no space between them. Nino's heart pace rises. "Close your eyes," Sho tells him and he does as he's told and for a minute, he thought Sho was going to kiss him on the lips but he didn't, instead he felt a hand brush his bangs away for a moment and lips, soft lips pressed against his forehead. "Thank you," Sho whispers.

It was the sweetest thing he's done all day but at the same time, it breaks his heart all over again.
_____

The ceremony is starting already and here he is now, standing beside Sho as the best man. The huge doors of the church opened for Nanami to step inside and start walking on the aisle and all of the audience's attention was on her, admiring her beauty and elegance but Nino's eyes were still on Sho, staring at him hopelessly. He has to break his gaze before anyone notices when Nanami finally arrives next to Sho.

The bride's maids and the groom's men and including himself, the best man, were asked to sit on the front rows of the church's seats. The priest starts the ceremony and the only thing Nino could think of right now was that this was the worst day of his life. He continues to stare at Sho again after a while, ignoring the small squeals of happiness his mother and sister makes from behind him and the pain still lingers in his chest as he sees Sho gaze lovingly at his soon-to-be-wife bride. Later, when the priest started to talk about the couple's powerful love and eternity, Nino's face goes pale.

It's getting near, the vows are getting near and soon it's all over for him. "I need to step out," He whispers to Ohno. "I'm getting dizzy; you have the rings, right?" Ohno nods, surprised at his friend's words. "Okay, they're in good hands."

He stands, abruptly but carefully as to not catch any attention and he murmurs a small "Excuse me," to get through. He stops by the huge doors of the church and squints when the light coming from it's direction hits his eyes. He turns his head back, taking a look back at Sho for the last time. He saw Sho look back at him, eyes stern, eyes begging him to say anything to stop the wedding but maybe his head was just playing with him because this was something he really didn't want, something he wished would stop right now

He lied to Ohno. He couldn't possibly go back here anymore, not that he is about to lose his special someone and not when every moment that passes by keep torturing him to no end. "I'm sorry," Nino tore his eyes away from Sho. "Goodbye."

And with that, he was gone.
_____

After the wedding day, he never showed himself in front of Sho. It's been months since he last saw him and talked to him and to make sure he would never be seen again, he moved out of his apartment too. He moved to a place far away from Sho and his friends where he wouldn't be found by anyone. He now lives in a new apartment (Though this apartment of his wasn't as good as his last one and his landlady was much more strict when it comes to paying the monthly fee, he was fine with it. At least he found a place to live in.) with a part-time job in a convenience store a few blocks from his place, he was living a good life.

He had to admit it, he couldn't help but wonder how Sho was doing, if he was worried for him, if he was thinking of him as much as he does and if he was looking for him because he has no idea how much he wants to be found right now. As much as he enjoys where he is right now, he still feels like he's lost and everything around him isn't what home really feels like. But this was his decision and he can't go back. He can't go back because if he did then Sho would be asking why he ran away from his wedding and he doesn't want to explain, really, he's pathetic and he knows it and he's too afraid to face him after what he did.

"Ninomiya-kun? Are you okay? Is something bothering you?" A voice snaps him out of his thoughts. Nino's shakes his head to turn his face away from what he was staring and looked at his co-worker, Masuda. Nino smiles at him, telling him he was okay. "Ah, is that so? Okay then." Masuda grins, dimple forming his cheek.

"Don't believe him, Massu, he's lying. He's got his hands full and it seems like he's in love too," Nagase, his boss in this convenience store, butts in, holding a can of green peas. He looks at the expiration date written at the back of the tin can, checking if it's still okay. "Look at how he stared at the cash register, he must be imagining it's that special someone of his because he was staring at it like a lovesick puppy."

"I was not! Shut up, Nagase-kun," He retorts, almost flailing to prove his point.

"Now, now, don't be like that, Christmas is around the corner and it's pretty normal to be in love. You're going to spend your Christmas with that special someone, aren't you?"

"I--!" Now that Nagase mentioned it, Christmas was nearing. He hasn't been thinking much about it because he was thinking about other things for the past months. The thought of himself spending Christmas day by himself made him empty and sad. "I don't have a special someone; he's already with someone else."

Nagase and Masuda's eyes widened when he mentioned 'he'. Masuda was the first one to let go of it though, it seems he was okay with it because he's either interested in men too or he's okay with someone who's in love with a person of the same sex or both. Nagase lets it go as well, maybe from the same reason as Masuda's, well, Nino wasn't sure. Nagase comforts him with a pat on the shoulder, followed by Masuda doing the same.

"I'm sorry," Nagase says and Nino shakes his head.

"He's happy so it's okay, I'm fine."
______

From: Jun-kun
Subject: Where the hell are you?!

Ninomiya, you said you were just going to step out but you never returned. Then the next day, you're gone. No sign of you or whatsoever. I'm not sure if you can read this or not but if you do, you better do something and get your ass back in here. Sho is... he's not...
Oh for god's sake, just come back here! Everyone's worried about you! Especially Sho! We need to talk with you.

-Jun______

Nino didn't change his phone number but he kept it on silent whenever someone calls. He puts it at the very bottom of his drawer so he wouldn't have to read the messages he gets and see the voice mails and missed calls he's been having. But sometimes, he couldn't help but check some of them, curious as to what his family and friends are sending him. He scrolls down the list of things he received, not bothering to open them, especially Sho's. He didn't want to see what he wrote there. He was guessing it would be filled with worry, concern or maybe anger.
______

From: Aiba-chan
Subject: I'm worried about you, Nino-chan

Please come back! It's been months, we're really, really worried about you. Have you heard about what happened to Sho-chan? If you did, then you must come here and talk to him. Please, Nino-chan, you have to come back! :(

-Aiba-chan :(______

Two days before Christmas. He's here with Masuda in the convenience store, working until it's late as usual. One of his regular costumers come in, a petit young college girl with an obvious crush on him. She goes here to get some coffee and a bag of potato chips and today he asks why she comes here very often and she responds with a flirty tone. "The coffee and potato chips they sell here is delicious and cheap," She hands him two cans of coffee and a bag of potato chips. "And the convenience store worker by the cash register here is really cute."

Nino winks at her after the compliment. "Thank you, Rina-chan," He responds with a flirty tone that matches hers. He hands her over a plastic bag with her purchases in them and waves her off with his signature grin. "Come back again soon!"

"She obviously has a crush on you," Masuda says next to him after the college girl he was waving off disappears in the distance. "Want to try and ask her out for Christmas?"

"Nah," He dismisses it off. He tried going out with girls for the past five months but their relationships never lasted long. He just can't settle down with girl because there's just something missing or wasn't enough. He wants to move on but deep down inside him, he knows he's still madly in love with one person. No one could replace him in his heart. He tries to clear his mind again and sneaks a look at what Masuda is texting over his phone. He smirks. "Just go back to texting your precious Tegoshi there, okay?"

Nino laughs when Masuda's face goes bright red.
_____

From: Satoshi
Subject: Kazu

I'm really worried about you. You haven't been answering calls or text messages from me and everyone! You need to come back here, Nino! We really need to talk. It's about Sho. Please Nino, call me back. Please.

-Satoshi_____

Today is Christmas day, a day that supposed to be happy for everyone but Nino wasn't feeling the bliss. It's suppose to be a day where you go and celebrate with the people you love but right now, Nino was alone, working at the convenience store still. Nagase tells him this should be his day-off because it's a holiday but he insists since he didn't have anything better to do than stay at home and be swallowed by it. Nagase gives him a chance.

"Fine, just don't catch a cold, okay? It's freezing cold, you know?"

Nino hugs his thick jacket around him tighter after he adjusted his muffler. "Thank you, Nagase-kun."

"Merry Christmas, Nino, I better get going. Don't forget that you're only working here earlier than usual okay? I really don't want my co-workers working on a holiday." Nino gives him grin, thanking him then greeting him 'Merry Christmas' too. "Oh, and I almost forgot, here," Nagase hands him an envelope. Nino accepts it and opens it to find a wad of cash inside. "This is my Christmas present to you. It's doubled since I'm feeling generous and all."

Nino's eyes shined in happiness and he hugged Nagase tight. "Thank you so much, Nagase-kun!"

"You're welcome, Nino," He gave him a pat on the head. His eyes still showing sympathy for Nino. "Don't go spending it on porn, you hear? I'll be on my way now, see you in two days!"

"Hey!" He responds back but his smile never got off his face. He waved Nagase off until he was gone from his sight.
_____

Nino blows a hot breath against his hands as he prepares to close down the convenience store. It was late already and darn cold too. He pulls the steel barricade down until it hits the ground and locks it. He pockets the keys for the store and stands up, dusting the snow off his pants and shoulders. He whispers a small 'Yosh!' before he starts walking down the street towards his home.

"Kazu," He stops in his tracks when he hears a familiar voice, that deep familiar voice he knows so well. He blinks a few times before his head turns to the side. A man leaning on one of the closed stores' barricade steps outside the shadows and Nino couldn't hold back a small gasp when he saw who it was.

"S-sho?"

"Hi," He walks towards him under the street light and Nino could now see him clearly under it. His nose was red from the cold, a multi-colored beanie on his head that he recognized--the beanie that he gave to Sho, a scarf wrapped around his neck on top of what looked many layers of jackets. Nino couldn't help but stare; all this time about dreaming about Sho and seeing him again, now it was all coming to reality again. Oh, how he missed his handsome face.

Seeing him again, Nino wanted to break down and cry but he composed himself. "What are you doing here?" Nino tried to sound casual, calm but failed because of how cold it is. "How did you find me?"

"I've been trying to get contact with you for months," Sho says, calmly.

"That doesn't answer my question, Sho, I said, what are you doing here?" Nino continues to walk, trying to slow down the beat of his heart while doing so. Sho automatically follows him and they walk side by side.

"We need to talk, Nino, we really need to talk." Nino goes nervous at that. There's no use running away now, is what he thought. He figured he could talk to Sho now, face him now, to see what Sho had prepared for him. Nino accepts and tells him that his apartment is just down this street for a couple more blocks.

When they arrived, they went straight into the living room right after Nino turned on the heater. He shed off his muffler and jackets and Sho did the same. Nino excused himself for a moment to go to the kitchen and fix both of them up for warm tea. He somehow needed a small time for himself to get ready for what Sho is going to say. If Sho is going to shout at him today, he'll be okay with it. He takes a deep breath and thought for a moment that dealing with your best friend and the person you love again was tough.

Once he settled the tea on the table, Nino sat down beside Sho.

"So, uhm, you wanted to talk, Sho?"

"Why'd you run away, Kazu? Why? That's what I wanted to know first."

"Because...because I..." Why is it so hard to tell him? Nino mentally kicks himself. "Because I couldn't face you anymore. Not right after what happened with the both of us after that night..."

"But--" Sho cuts himself short of saying something and starts a new one instead. "You're not telling me something, Kazunari,"

Ninostill shivers at the mention of his first name coming from Sho. "I am, I just did! I just told you---"

"Why can't you be honest around me anymore?!" Sho raises his voice, a voice that scared Nino for a bit because he was not used to Sho shouting at him like that. Sho sighed. "Why can't you tell me honestly what you truly feel?"

"W-what are you talking about, Sho?"

"I'm here because I want to prove to myself that I'm not going to lie or hide what I truly feel," Sho looks at him, eyes serious. Nino doesn't know what to expect next. "I've been lying to myself all along and I'm so stupid for being like this."

"S-sho, wha--"

"I didn't get married, Nino," Nino's eyes widened to full extent and he starts to form incoherent words. Nino thought he was only dreaming, his mind was playing its dirty tricks on him. This was too impossible to happen because this was what his heart truly wanted and if this was all fake, he's begging his mind to stop and wake him up from this cruel dream. But Sho was right here, next to him, breathing like he did, warm and real. To prove that he was right, Sho held up his left hand. There was no ring on his finger.

"Wha-what are you--how am I supposed to believe you?" Nino sputters out. "You may just be doing this just to get me to go home, Sakurai,"

"Believe me, Nino, please!"

Nino's fists curled and his own anger had suddenly burst from inside him. He wanted to shout but he restrained himself. "I can't be around you, anymore, Sho, go home to your wife!"

"How can I prove to you that I am not married, Nino?" Sho grabbed Nino's shoulders to make him believe him and look him in the eyes. Nino looked to the side, avoiding his eyes. Sho's hands went limp and fell back to his sides. "You stopped believing in me, Nino,"

Nino had to fight back the tears.

"Why didn't you get married, then?"

"I could never marry Nanami because it's not fair for her, not when she'll always be second best in my heart," Sho's words were sincere, true. "The only reason I dated her is because my parents wanted a grandkids. I tried to tell them that I didn't want to date a girl because I'm already in love with someone else and when they asked me who it was," Sho paused, trying to find his words, looking down at his hands nervously. "I...I told them it was you."

Nino turned his head at Sho's, his eyes now watery and his heart jumping like it never did before. "They were against my feelings and they told me I should forget about my feelings for you. I tried to tell them, to convince them but they still won't accept it and they even told me that if I don't forget these feelings of mine then I should just stop being friends with you."

Sho sniffed, eyes drenched in sadness and pain. "I couldn't...I couldn't do that to our friendship so I tried my best to forget about it but it's just no use... So when I woke up to find you with me in my bed after what happened that night  where we got so drunk and when you told me those words back in the bathroom on the day of my supposed marriage, I realized that I still have my strong feelings for you, Nino," Sho looked at him and Nino couldn't hold back anymore. He pulled Sho in a hug, wrapping his arms around him, holding him closer, tighter.

"I love you, Nino, I'm deeply and hopelessly in love with you," Sho whisper in his ear. "I know you'll probably be disgusted or start to hate me after I told you all of these but...I just wanted you to know how I truly felt about you."

Nino held him closer, tears falling from his eyes. Those were the words he wanted to hear from Sho. The words he's always been dreaming of hearing from him. "I believe you, Sho; I never stopped believing in you. I'm sorry for doubting you."

Sho nods against his shoulder and Nino pulls away to look at Sho. He was crying as well. Nino laughs and wipes both of their tears away.

"I can't believe we're both crying on a Christmas day," Nino wipes his tears away. Sho laughs, his heartwarming laugh that Nino came to love. He suppose he should reply back at Sho's 'I love you' but instead of saying it in words, he pulls Sho closer to him until there was no space in between them. He kissed him, pouring all of his emotions on and feelings in this kiss, hoping Sho would get it. And Sho does  because he could feel Sho smile against his lips, happy.

Nino still doesn't know what Sho's parents or his own might think and Sho is probably thinking the same but right now, he doesn't care for a tiny bit because they know they would talk about it in the morning and they would get through with it and right now, he's truly happy, satisfied.

And if Sho would tell him what he wanted to get for Christmas, he would tell him nothing because as far as he knows, he's already got the best present ever.

**End**