I'm still waiting

Around 5 months, I'll be in a whole new life than now. My firm is now, I can consider averagely okay, maybe I'm used to it already, however, life is so meaningless there. I can't get a higher pay and I have to do twice a person's work. In 5 months time, I'm gonna resign and go out from the firm.

Life recently have been quite calm, except from being sick more often than usual. Nothing really much happened, or either am I waiting for anything to come.

I don't know what to say at all about my life. I think I wasted my 2014. Well, except for improving my accounts' knowledge.

Anyway, some pics to describe my recent life.

 Felt myself prettier in this pic~ Lol!

Yes, in early October, I went to Cameron Highlands for a short trip with Mr Man and Ah Wei and Amanda. It's an overall fun trip I would say. *Smiles*

Nevertheless, went to Ipoh for a one day trip in mid year~ 

I don't know what will come in future, but I sure know I'm always waiting for something to happen.

**End**

Feeling Grateful

Every morning, you walk into a glass door lazily, seeing the usual high staircase and the smell of coffee which lingers around you as you walk to your seat, making you think and sigh; here goes another day.

However, at the end of the day, you looked at your bunch of freaking insanity colleagues, you thought to yourself; that morning blue you had everyday wasn't that bad afterall!

Ya know, I really hate my firm so much to the extend I really wish this firm would just go out of business!

But one thing which pulled me back each and everyday is my colleagues and manager who were really awesome people.

As time goes by, as relationships get closer, as people reveal their personalities and as you start picking up who really is your real true friends, you know they are one of the best colleagues nevertheless also your friends, you have which no one will be able to replace them!

Sometimes you know you got left out, especially you know they are not the same gender as you, but when you face difficulties, you know they are always there for you. Especially your manager who has been protecting us all these while!

Also, to the extend where you know if one day, you are out from this firm, in a new place you worked without them, you will miss them without a doubt.

To the extend when one of them tells you they have resigned before you, your heart crushed and bleeds inside out, with teary eyes, swallowing the fact.

You know you love your colleagues and you love working with them tho your job sucks! 

And that's when you realized, you have to face the fact that one day, they will leave you. So do you, who will leave them.

And then, you start appreciating them as much as possible as you never know when will be their last day being your colleague.

 The 2 guys who always made my day! <3

The only girl who bares with my complains and grumpiness! <3

I love you guys. You guys made me everyday full of laughter.

**End**

Robotic Life

06/05/2014

Life has been really robotic for me lately. Ever since I started this work, I find my life not interesting at all. I do not know what I am doing everyday and night. All I know is that I wake up, I go to work, and I work again and I go home and I watch the tv endlessly until I fall asleep. Then it repeats again, and again, and again, and again...

I went to the fortune teller last Saturday, that master told me that all other jobs I'll be working in the future will be the same. So why change? I thought of changing my job lately, cause I've been really tired of deadline each and every month. So, I'm thinking to go a different path, thinking to go study again for another course. Neglecting my job.

When I started working, my friends told me, they are gonna concentrate more on their studies (professional papers) then their work while I'll concentrate more on my work than my papers. However, it seems like I'm the only person who is still insisting on my decision. But because I've passed my first 2 papers, I rewarded myself a rest for a semester without studies. Ya, right...a rest. It ended me up with a real stressed up working life. My work is really driving me crazy. Actually it's my boss who is driving me crazy.

I'm so stress that holidays or any trips wouldn't even let me rest well. All I think of is my job. Seriously, I'm really a stupid person. I know it's not worth dying for a Company, cause all the hardwork you did was all Company's profit, not yours. However, I still got so stress up for work.

No one can really help me except for myself. No one can really relax me except for myself. Life is so lame. Especially when you see some of your friends, earning so much more than you, you really got stress up and started thinking why can't you earn that much too? You're not any worst than them. But this is what I call fate. Maybe I might change it someday, but not now.

Whatever it is, I'm really tired of my life lately. In addition of my deteriorating health. I'm starting to worry for myself.

And when you realize, friends around you are going off one by one, and you're still stuck here, you get really down. And when you thought you had that one person in our life, he's the one person who's the busiest person you've ever met. And it's like, the whole world has abandoned you.

I don't know what I'm waiting for everyday. What is my goal? I don't know at all.

When I was a student, I wait for holidays and most of all, for the day I graduate. After I graduated, I wait for the day I start working. And now that I've started working, I don't know what am I waiting for. What should I be waiting for?

Sometimes, I just wanna go up to my boss and just tell her that "I QUIT!". I think I'll be really happy. I'll feel so free, so not stress up, no more responsiblilities. But when I thought of it thoroughly, I might miss those times there with my colleagues and manager. And maybe my new work wouldn't be as fun as this one.

And most of the time, I just wish I could just go home and do nothing.

**End**

2014 New Year Resolution

Just seems like I have time today. So, I'll write about last year's reflects and this year's resolution!

So, my 2013 New Year resolution were:

1. Still and again, save more money.

2. Still, go more crazy about Arashi

3. (Leaving blank)

So, the year 2013 wasn't that nice cause I haven't done any of my resolutions. So bad of me.

Actually, I did save a lil money cause I started work and I'm starting to have higher income lately. But I really neglected Arashi like 90%. Such a shame of myself. And yet, I claim myself to be their fans for 5 years.
But I had already expected to be busier than before in year 2013.

So, anyway, reflecting what happened in year 2013:

1. Graduated from my degree as a BA Accounts and Finance.

2. Went to Cameron Highlands with KY, Dydy, Von Von, Tine Tine and my ex-boy. Also went to Lost World without my ex-boy. And went to Genting Highlands with my ex-boy, went into casino for the first time.

3. My valentine's day wasn't the best but it's one memorable one, especially the pretty rose I got.

4. My dad got me 3 new pretty and limited watches.

 

5. And I won a photography competition in First Avenue Mall!

6. Tried lots and lots of places' food and drinks.
7. Oh! Went to Langkawi Island with those crazy and nutty classmates from SEGi college! The best trip I've ever been! Nevertheless growing a closer friendship with them.

 

 

 

8. And so, found myself a job, started working life.

9. Getting myself into this professional papers, ACCA.
10. Last but not least, my dad is totally safe from this second major operation. Thank you god!!

Things and events do go good, however, let's not forget the bads and those hard times.
1. As time goes by, I hate my job. I hate it there. I hate it so much that I cried myself to sleep almost every night that those time. (I'm better now, getting used to my job).
2. Fell sick more often than usual.
3. And the major thing which happened to me in 2013 was, I broke up with my boy.*

And so, my 2014 resolution is:
1. SAVE MORE MONEY!
2. Trying to be more updated on Arashi's news
3. I'll go for art. Doing more art!
4. Changing a job!

And again, each year teaches me to grow up. Each year teaches me lessons of life, and each year helps me to grow stronger than before.

 I wish year 2014 would be nicer to me.

**End**


*P.S. At times, I still think of him, I just go so sour that I could just hug my Teddy, hoping Teddy would just comfort me. It's near 4th March 2014. It was supposed to be our special day but I didn't make it. Not him, it was me. I still miss Bear Bear, Panda, Stitch, and all those memories we had a lot. However, I will never ever forget this boy, who changed my life a lot. Thank you.

Best of luck to you.

Tough Life

Yea, have been missing for quite a while, due to my busy life at work.

Work has been really tough to me these weeks cause of peak period and which I had to settle 5 files in 2 weeks! My idiotic boss has not been nice to me. My colleagues, they are nice people, well....sort of...nice....

As a conclusion, I hate my job.

Like Jordan told me: A.U.D.I.T.O.R. = All U Do Is Think Of Resigning!

So, in my next post, I'm gonna write about my new year resolution 2014. Like what I did every year. It's just that I've been too busy with work lately, I even have to work on Saturdays, and when I got home, I just wanna plop on my bed and just laze there till I knock out.

Chinese New Year is near, but I still have to work tho, luckily my leave has been approved but only for 2 days. What a celebration.

So, I still hate my job and I just hate my low paid salary!

**End**

A Lil Celebration

26th November 2013: remarks OHNO SATOSHI's 33rd birthday! Love him so much!

Although I haven't been into Arashi so much lastly but I still remember their birthdays and celebrate for them!

Otanjoubi Omedetou! <3

Anyway, a lil update about myself lately;

Just started on leave from my work cause my exam, ACCA is less than 2 weeks away.

Work is totally killing me! Hate my work!

Exam is also killing me! Haven't been so scared of exams so much in my life, cause I haven't really started studying at all!

Oh~ And I had my hair cut! Short! >.<

Just passed my convo 2 weeks ago! It was normal and also great!

 

My dad's going on an operation on the first day of my exam, shouldn't have taken the exam. Regret!

Feeling so busy lately, feeling so tired. Really need a break from everything.

**End**

P.S. You might not believe it but I still miss you a lot.

The Twenty-Third!

It's the end of another month again. Days really is moving very fast in my working life.

Work has been really hard on me these weeks. Pretending to feel nothing when I was blamed. Or suppress my anger when those idiots scolded me tho it's not my fault while smiling back at them without answering them back. Talking politely altho I was scolded hardly.

And after all the hardness I went through with all the grudge I held, I still have to smile back at them, greeting them.

But in my mind, I would be like; 'fuck you, bitch!'

I mean seriously, this is so not me. I'm not like this at all. I fight back for my every rights but it is all different during work. I should not. I restrain, I control, I restrict, I apologize for something I wasn't wrong.

And I hate it.

Had a few dissatisfaction with my colleagues lately of my department. Can't stand both of their attitudes at all. I just hope they leave fast enough for me to stay in peace.

Anyway, hang out with Yin Yin and Hoay Hoay and Daniel last week. It has been a while. Felt a bit happy and a bit bored.

 My childhood friend! Known him for like 13years already!

Yin Yin called me yesterday telling me about her boyfriend. I mean like seriously, it lets me had a real thinking about guys. Why are they all so... ... ... I don't even know how to describe them. It's like when they want you, they do anything for you. And when they got you or not, they would assume those doings as sacrifices, one sided from him only.

I concluded that if he would think in this way, he's not worth being loved at all.

Anyway, for the last few weeks, Beng has been bringing me around to hang out a lot. Feeling really happy! A day without work, pressure, studies, just fun!

 A night with the boys!

  A day with Beng and Tatt Yik! Really enjoyed my day!

 

 

 An overnight at Starbucks!

 Just hanging around!

Thanks a lot! I'm glad I had such a good buddy like you!

Lately, have been missing those days so much. That 30 months life. Couldn't say it out, could just act so normal that it sometimes hurts a lot.

**End**

31st Month Anniversary and Others

Yes, it's the 4th of the month again. Time has passed so fast, especially when I'm working.

It's our anniversary again. Furthermore, we've been separated for a month already.

Yet, I'm still not used to this kind of life, still misses those time when I have another person in my life.

He called yesterday, misses his voice... As I listen, my tears roll drop by drop. Knowing finally, he is trying to hold his promise, his last promise to me that he would still wish me every 4th.

So, my working life is really helping me out with these days of my miserable life.

Keeping myself so busy that I just ignored what actually happened in real fact.

Also, keeping Teddy near to me is the only thing comforting me every night.

Sometimes, I'm getting used to it that I don't feel a thing at all. But sometimes, I just got that feel that I missed getting used to having him.

Sometimes, I would just wait. I don't know what I'm waiting but I just get so used to waiting for him to finish work before.

So, end of that topic.

My work life is getting better as I know them. Even at days, they would just make me laugh so hard that it made my day. Like how John and Jimmy co-operate to scare me by the stairs and laughed their ass off or tease lame jokes on me. Like how John is really helping me with my works and files a lot. Like how Yung Ching started to tell me lame jokes and talked to me and chat nonsense with me for no reasons. Like how Wilson is helping me out a lot lately. Like how Jeb is always teasing me that how did I always ended up wearing the same color shirt with Jordan and became Jordan's girl. And like how Jordan is always talking weird stuff and making it feels awkward and disgusting but still funny. And like how Sunny is really taking care of me a lot. Like how Ms. Kang would talked nonsense to the office just to make us happy and how she always molest me.

Trying hard to be happy. But sometimes, I really am.

However, until today, I still have a lil guilt in my heart is which I caused John to get scolded a bit badly due to my carelessness. Not to mentioned he had helped me so much but I couldn't even do such simple follow ups for him.

I would rather let Sunny scold me for my carelessness than him. Felt so guilty that night.

Being a middle person is really a hard thing to do. Especially in between a so-called 2 best friends. Hoong Yi is my colleague and of course I'm close to him. So, if he faces any problems, he would talk to me and stuff but he didn't want Beng to know. Although Beng didn't want to know about Hoong Yi's stuff, but I know he would be feeling a bit sad that among us 3 close friends, Hoong Yi and I have got things like secrets that he didn't know. Felt a bit guilty tho. Especially when I know he always treats me well.

[Altho this picture isn't what it means but it describe me best in my situations]

Tien Wooi and I were really connecting quite a lot through feeling lately cause we are 2 same situation people. After that night at the hotel stay, we were a bit related to each other when it comes to emotions. I really pity him cause I know what he feels.

But one thing I know is I would really want a freedom for at least a period of time. Altho I'm still not used to being alone after 2years+ being double, but still I love being free. I'm just so sick of having people controlling me. I know they don't but their presence kept making me restrict myself from certain things.

And am just so sick of these people who treats me so well when they wanted me, so well that they give me everything I want; but never once admit until when I'm tired of waiting, they just give up as if it's my fault.

Being free is the only thing I yearn for currently, as I can do what I want and it doesn't come with a connection.

So, studies have been a lil pressure lately, so thought of dropping off 1 subject.

Friends are getting lesser. Especially when I need them most.

**End**