Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Unspeakable Thoughts

31/05/2017

It as too-much-while since I last wrote here, excluding the last post about my really late new year resolution.

There are so many thoughts I wanted to write, especially during my work in my previous firm, KS Lau & Co. So many dissatisfaction, so many patients, so many revenges, so many things.



But I don't think I really wanna write it now. I just wanted to write about the 'after-life' and 'after-thoughts' there after I left. I went for a dinner with my juniors and interns after leaving for like 3 weeks. They told me, working-life without me is a total disaster.

The juniors had no one to ask for help. The assist. manager, as usual wouldn't wanna teach. The seniors, as usual wouldn't wanna teach them properly (afraid of the juniors overlapping them). The seniors are in a mess cause losing a senior - me, to share their work loads. The assist. manager, dead. Being target as the victim now.

When they decided to expel me, they didn't consider the consequences of the weight of the work load. Instead they still complained about following up my work when I'm outside auditing previously. Have they ever considered, when I follow up their work? What about times before I was even engaged to this firm? Weren't those initially their work? I was only a semi-senior until this year! Things got worst when I was promoted as a senior and when the juniors and interns are on my side. If they considered me as a faulty engagement, why would they complain? And they wanted to expel me cause I'm basically the boss's favourite pet. Hey, I shared most part of the work loads despite being my bosses' favourite! Outstation jobs, big jobs, messy jobs, dealing with shitty clients are all done by me.

The assist. manager, supporting them when they are all against me. Leaving me out, being rude to me, scolded me like a dog, while speaking to them nicely, go with the flow with them and buys them food. (The juniors see for themselves on how badly the AM treated me and they see how bad-ass I reacted to her). I don't care though. She thinks I'm afraid of her. I was still polite to her until she started to act like a bitch to go against me with them. Like I care. Everyone supporting me in the office says I'm a fierce, brave and bad-ass bitch. The others says I'm just an arrogant bitch who disrespects people! The juniors and interns looks up at me. While the others talks bad about me.

But I don't care. Cause I don't even admire the attitude, characteristics and knowledge the assist. manager has. Talk about respect? I can't even respect her at all. I have always told my interns and juniors, if a senior (whether or not associates or managers or even bosses) doesn't wanna teach you, you either force them although at times you're being disrespectful or just leave the company. That is why all the juniors and interns are so supportive of me. Cause I believe as a senior, I have the duty to teach them.

The seniors says I always push my duties and responsibilities to others, but well, take a look at the assist. manager and the 2 seniors themselves. They never like to teach the juniors. They never wanna help them. And yet they claim themselves as seniors. What a joke.

Honestly, when I heard the juniors told me the senior who was always supporting the assist. manager was talking behind her back, first moment, I was like "Did she (the senior) finally wake up from her beauty sleep?" and the second moment was like "Hey AM, did you finally see who are the bad-ass dudes?".

I even laughed out telling the juniors, I told you so! One day when they have no more victims to boycott, they are gonna fight among themselves. I just didn't expect to reach AM so fast.

I know every companies has got politic issues. But as long as you have supporters, everything will be fine. For me, I didn't have supporters and when things happened to me, I have no one to reach to (although I'm the boss's favourite, I can't be complaining to him all the time). When I have supporters, they are all temporaries (interns), so I decided to leave. If they were permanent I might have stayed cause I really like working there, the environment is good, the benefits are good, the pay is good, the increment and promotion are also good. How can an employee has an increment of RM 800 in 1 and a half year time?

When I left, the firm is in a total chaos. They lose a tax manager, a tax assistant, a one-and-only-25-years-of-service admin staff, me as an audit senior, 5 interns, a secretary assistant and soon, losing 2 audit juniors. The big boss constantly asked me to stay. He knew what happened and he admit he was not capable of doing anything for me. Even the day before my last day, he even spoke to me, convincing me to stay. I am regretful, but I still chose to leave.

I am an easily offended kind of person. For me to stay patient for the past 20 months has been such an achievement for me. I have never been so patient and careless about the negative conditions I was in.


**End**

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