Work Related Progress

14/09/2018

In just 1 month, a lot have changed.

My team, the EMEA side has restructuring, where our work are gonna be transferred to Bucharest and we're now basically jobless. The good part is that we are able to rotate to other teams, the bad part is that we are separating.

I'm not bragging or so, but I'm among the lucky ones within the team. I've only been in Dell for 8months, therefore I am not eligible enough for a promotion. After the announcement of  the restructuring, I had a 1 on 1 with my manager. She invited me to join her team in the APJ side. But I thought that this is the chance that I could rotate earlier as compared to other colleagues. From the time I entered Dell, Jordan has been telling me to join the Revenue team. And co-incidentally, Revenue Team is actually hiring. So I actually went for a indirect interview and I succeeded.

Initially, withing Dell for the past 8months, I have always wanted to join the APJ part of Intercompany Team, cause I've never thought I have the chance to move out within this 1 and a half year time. But it is a bit stressful that of all the sudden, this actually happened, and I couldn't accept the fact that I'm actually moving out. I'm not ready at all.

My manager was wishing that I would join her (probably it's because Terry is rotating and she couldn't find a right candidate). But at the same time I didn't wanna waste this opportunity to rotate out early. After many discussion with many colleagues (whether or not I know them), I decided to stay in the APJ side. My teammates are all really dissapointed in me.

For the first reason that I think my manager wouldn't like if I rotate to another organisation. She was expecting me to stay or to join the GAS organization. But unexpectedly, I went beyond. Another reason is that I'm really not ready to join the new team. There are too many uncertainties there. Too risky. So I decided to stay.

So, my team is separating in like a month time. But luckily, we're still in the same floor except for Xian Zheng. He's going to like another dimension of work with a promotion. Terry has been promoted too and going to the payroll team.

It feels so sad when I first knew we're actually separating. At times, I would have teary eyes when I thought of it. I mean, we are all really one family. Billy too said he's really sad. There's one day after his meeting, he came out really emotional.  went dinner with him after that and he tod me he's really emotional cause for one moment he realized that we're actually separating. In Dell, for us accounting department, we're one of the most united team compare to other teams. So it's really a sad thing.

Also, Jordan has left Dell. I basically have no friend. In just a blink of an eye, everything change. In just a month time, we're gonna be so different. I would really miss the time when Billy and I would turn to each other and talk about random stuff. I would really miss the time when I would hear Xian Zheng and Pei Ee tease each other. I would really miss the time when Terry would IM all of us for lunch and also would randomly say those X-rated topics with us.

Lunch would be so different without them. Our cube would be so different without them. Our team building would be so different without them. (now that I'm saying these, I'm actually having teary eyes). Everything would be so different without them.

I just chose to go right where nothing is left.

**End**

Feeling Guilty

04/08/2018

Writing about negative stuff relating my workplace is really not a good thing. Cause I do have happy moments at work. I mean at least up till now, there isn't a day where I hate going to work. I would say mostly it's because of the flexible time my Company has for us as employees. And also it's because we have one day a week to work from home.

For the last 8 months at work, a lot of happy stuff do happen. Aside from me being sad that there is not enough work for me to do or the politic part, other stuff are all alright. Most probably it's cause we have such nice teammates too as friends (not colleagues).

We had events from time to time from Dell. Like FIFA day, CNY roadshow, CSR, farewell video making for the VP, quarterly birthday celebration and many more. All these are really interesting.

 

 

 

 

A lil smaller view, cause we are all under a director in China which is also related to the Statutory team beside us. So, usually we would join their acivities. (Although sometimes there are conflict between our teammates on whether we wanna join them or not). We had like laser battles, a manager's farewell and basically that's all but usually they would also take care of us cause one of their senior advisor is our acting manager. We also have team building when my manager is down in Penang. And quarterly, we have team lunch!

Also, from our own team view, we usually have birthday celebrations. In the whole 5 years of my working life, I only celebrated 3 (including this year's) with colleagues. The last 2, there isn't any cake either. This year is the first time my colleagues actually celebrated my birthday with a birthday cake. (Although there are some conflict with one of my teammate cause we didn't celebrate his).

 

We even planned our own trips or eat out or apartment stay with steamboat and stuff like that for ourselves.

 

As for individuals, I usually will have dinner or a short hang out with one or two teammates off work. I usually go for dinner with Terry most. At times we would call out Billy or Wen Hui. Sometimes, I would just have girls talk with Wen Hui. Previously I even had a baking cake activity with Terry.

 

 

 

 

Sometimes, I find my teammates really nice people. I mean avoiding the fact that they defend themselves during working hours, they are really taking care of me from time to time. Like how Xian Zheng would buy us food at times, like how Billy would always listen to my complains and grumpiness and teach me a lot of work related stuff, like how Wen Hui would invite me to certain non-dell activities, like how Terry would always ensure that I'm not hungry. 

 

 

I would admit that mostly it's Terry who has been taking care of our whole team. But just because we have the same interest where we love to eat so much, he would usually bring me out for food. The deepest impression was when I was on my study leave for my exam, one day, he bought vitagen (my energy drink) from the office and brought it to me.

Sometimes, lunch could be fun! But sometimes, lunch could be depressing. When I sensed the depressing part, I would usually avoid lunch with them. To avoid, I used to have lunch with Jimmy but he had left Dell. Jordan is always busy tho. Now that Sherine has rotated to the department upstairs, I could now go lunch with her anytime.

 

But then again, this job has proved me right again; I am still always in good terms with the guys more than the girls. I really find myself happier with the guys than the girls. I don't know why but when I am always good with the guys, the girls would always criticize me and stuff like that happens (maybe due to jealousy). And this time, in his job is happened again. But I'm really used to it now.

Overall, I like my team as friends.

**End**

Half of 2018

29/07/2018

Again, 7 months have passed in year 2018. What have I achieved so far?

Financially, I've saved more than usual. Entertainment wise, I have had short trips and there wouldn't be any overseas trip in the second half of the year. I have taken my ACCA exam for one paper. Unfortunately I've failed that paper. First time in my 27 years I've actually fail in an examination! Unexpectedly I'm not as devastated as I thought I would be. Probably cause I've already expect what's coming. (See! This is a good side of a negative thinker!)

Work wise, I've expand a lil bit of my portfolio, but it was taken back. So I'm still looking forward for opportunities. Health, I've not been sick as often as I was previous years. My health was better this year. I've been eating a lot more this year! Mostly cause I've met Terry as my foodie buddy.We went for food hunt and dinners frequently. So I've not lose any weight but gained a lot! I'm now the fattest and most out of shape in my whole of 27 years life!!

Baby is growing up really well and getting more of a spoil brat! I've not really spend time with my family this year due to work tho.

My bro finally got married this year. It was such a pack event. During those period, I am having my exam, my closing of monthly account, 1 wedding dinner to attend, grandma's birthday dinner to attend and yet I have to help manage my bro's wedding. OMG! And also my birthday going on!

This year, I realized I have neglect my friends a lot due to work. Even my best friends. But they have really disappoint me this year. All these years, no matter how busy I am, once they need me, I never fail to accompany them! Even now that I'm at Dell, I still am the same. Sadly, they don't do the same. I've been needing them quite a lot lately but they never showed up. Even when we said we would have a date, they never turned up. We have seem to distance a lot. It hurts me a lot.

I didn't really realise the situation we are in until Terry said 1 sentence "Now you should have realized yourself about them." Once he said that, I felt my eyes heated up with tears and my heart felt a sharp pierce. I held myself back while digesting the fact. I try to tell myself maybe they didn't realized that I need them cause I didn't show. But I always thought whether or not I need them, they should have taken the initiative to date me instead of me making the effort to see them all the time! I am really unhappy but also fed up at the same time.

Being in Dell, I have made a buddy with Terry. He's like a really good friend to me. Like how I was with Alice previously. But we became buddy in such a short time that it scares me a lot! I felt really exposed in front of him actually. He had the aura that made me tell him a lot of my personal life. Unconsciously, I had been telling him about my daily schedule during a period of time. Although he always say he didn't know a lot about me and he did mentioned that he has told me a lot about his personal life to me. Lately, I've tried to resist myself from hanging around him having the reason that he's really very busy with his work. He has not really have random conversations with me too lately. It's either he's really busy with his work or he has realized the same as me.

Among all the friends I made during work, he's really knowledgeable and smart with successful businesses privately! He's so perfect that at times, I can't believe I actually am friends with him!

Also, because of his existence, my man has became a lil more concern about our relationship. In which I'm really happy inside. He has made our relationship really dull these couple of years. Nothing exciting really. Until Terry's existence, I guess he's really afraid if Terry is actually into me and I might be into him too. Although it feels like a joke for life but I like to keep it this way! At least his concern towards this matter made him make an effort to excite our love life, I hope.

**End**

The New Working Life

29/07/2018

Half the year has gone by. I don't know how but I somehow managed to survive in the whole new environment in my working life. Actually, it was really alright at the very beginning but as months passed by, it gets worst.

It has been 8 months in Dell. But it feels like it has been a year or so. I don't know why it felt like I've been there longer than I am. Most probably I became really close friends with my team mates there. But when it comes to work/ portfolio, I kept on convincing myself that 8 months in a whole new kind of work is still really new.

Why do I find surviving in Dell up till now is like a miracle? Cause as I get to know more about Dell and their culture, I find it really difficult for me to fit in. It's like not my kind of working environment. Honestly, up till now, I can't get used to the accounting system I'm using or understanding the whole process of what I'm doing. Nevertheless, not used to being all friendly and talkative towards everyone. No, I don't like to socialize with strangers. Dell is too big. The organization I'm in alone is already too big for me!

Also, my manager is in China. I can't really have someone to talk to when I'm in need. She's not even my direct reviewer! Although my reviewer has report that I've good performance, but it still doesn't give me a sense of security! What stressed me out most is when there are questions running in my mind, I can't ask my teammates.

For work reason; 

1. They make me look stupid.

2. It makes me feel stupid.

3. Some of them don't give me the answer I want.

4. They make me feel like they are trying to invade my work.

For politic reason;

1. I'm not supposed to ask them for advice.

2. It feels like I'm giving them a bullet to shoot myself.

3. I can't see how they could or would help me.

Sometimes, I'm desperate to look for a mentor from other organization to seek advice when I'm in need. But it is a lil difficult tho. So when I'm in a serious situation or doubt, I usually seek for Jordan. I mean at least he helps me to feel better. I usually would talk to Terry too but he's in our team so I didn't want him to know too much at times. It also feels like he belittle me at times. I mean it is all from my own feelings and thoughts and maybe my egoistic behavior that he makes me feel so although he doesn't mean to.

My teammates as friends, they are all good friends but as colleagues, sometimes I just hope we're not. I really enjoy chit chatting with them about non-Dell topics or do activities which are non-Dell related. But when it comes to Dell related, they seem to look down on me and treat me like a fresh graduates. I mean I don't portray myself like I'm a knowledgeable person (maybe cause I really am not in this environment) but I definitely have my own strength and knowledge in other area which could help me to survive here in Dell, afterall I've been in the outside world for the last 5 years.

I may portray my negative thoughts at most of the times but that doesn't mean I don't have any positive thoughts at all! A negative thinker doesn't mean she can't do her work well you know! Doesn't mean she doesn't have a happy life. Doesn't mean she has a life crisis! I have negative thoughts at most times cause I'm a very cautious person. I like to live my life all under my control. I like to live my life according to my plans. So I would always think the negative side of each situation to prepare for the worst! Is that even wrong?

Okay, the more I elaborate, the more I'm sure that these problems I have now is mostly due to my egoistic behavior. Anyway, my portfolio itself doesn't convince me that I'm gonna be promoted any sooner. That's what sadden me. When I was in my previous jobs, each and every year, 12 month, I'm always looking forward for a promotion and I always got what I expect. In Dell, I see my next promotion in at least 2 and a half year time which is a lil too long for me! I feel so vulnerable there.

I am a lil sure that I didn't like Dell is both Jimmy and Jordan's resignation. It feels like I've lost my best companions in Dell. I make new friends (I really mean friends) in Dell but they just don't give me the friendship Jordan and Jimmy gave me. No, not even Terry (although I've been really good friend with this guy all these while). I could just say they don't understand me for who I really am.

Still I can conclude that I still don't feel like resigning. I still think that I can survive for like a year or so. Most of them would think that what I worry was the toughness of a work. In all my 5 years working life, I am never worry if a job is too tough. I only worry that opportunities would not appear.

Fingers cross.

**End**

New Year Resolution 2018

18/01/2018

This year again, I am late for my new year resolution post, but at least not as late as last year. Apart from being lazy, I was quite busy with my new job.

Anyway, a recap for last year:

My 2017 new year resolution;

1. Always, save more money.

2. Going travel again

3. Get my job change

After discussing 2018 new year resolution with my new colleagues, which they suggested that my new year resolution is really contradicting, which I agree, I will be making my new year resolution a lil more in detail this year.

So, anyway my last year new year resolution, due to my jobless life for 6months+, I didn't save money at all. But at least I would say, I saved enough to survive 6months+ without income. Okay, maybe I did have a lil income.

Going travel was achieved in May 2017.

Recap Here

Really, finally got my job changed! Okay, the first step to achieved this resolution was the courage to leave my job. The second step was to resist the jobless life! After a really long process and interviews after interviews, I finally got a job at Dell. Never in my working life thought that I would be willing to work at a long distance workplace.

I went looking for jobs in town at first. My target was getting a job which would last me at least 5 years and prestige enough to make my resume/CV pretty. Somehow, I just went out of the route (from getting a job at Georgetown) and went over to free industrial zone.

So I thought to myself, since I'm going so far, why don't I look for MnC companies? So I went for Lumileds, Agilent, Keysight and etc. which was a disaster during interviews. In the end I asked Jordan and Sherine for help to apply Dell.

Goal ACHIEVED! Although I was a lil worried cause I am at a very different team from Jordan and Jimmy. But now that I've been working fr almost 2 months, I am really glad I got into this team. Especially when I know the truth.

What truth? Allow me; At first, Jordan kept on blaming me saying I didn't wanna apply when he first ask and when Dell first was hiring a lot of employees. When I was applying, there was less openings. And said I was really lucky to get in cause I was in the waiting list, cause there was a candidate who was an elite from PWC audit firm who every team with openings wants him/her. He said I was just a spare tyre/ a back-up cause that him/her was snatched by other team. But the truth was I was second best. That PWC candidate ran away. So actually, from the beginning I don't have to be worried at all.

Okay, that was all about work. Over the year, nothing much happened. Apart from my resigning process went out of expectation where the idiots who thought they could ruin my image, but ruin it for themselves. A few of my friends got married, Jimmy, Amanda and a few more. I went HK artist chasing (Nancy Wu, Elaine Yiu and etc.).

Baby had his 1st birthday.

 

Went to Lost World with my boyfie which is quite an unexpected from him. And I did quite a few art during my jobless months.

Other than these, my 2017 was basically all about work, politics and jobless life. Nothing much amazing. My job in that firm went pretty well a few months before I had my last day of work cause I had a bunch of interns supporting me. Basically it's my last 3 months since I tendered my resignation letter, so I did enjoy every audit I do, especially outside auditing. Brought my interns for a short travel outstations, visit places and ate delicious breakfast. Especially Xue Jing who has been following me pretty much from the first day she came until the day I left (which was also her last day).

Well I amazing thing which happened was, I lose 4kg of weight during my jobless 6 months. Unexpected. But gained back once I started working.

Okay, so my 2018 resolution would be:

1. Save more money.

2. Go for a short trip oversea

3. Pass my ACCA

I'm gonna make my resolution a lil more specific this year.
1. Same more money. I would set a target of at least RM10k this year. I think this amount is reasonable. Especially when I have started working, in an environment which I felt I would be able to prefer work than going home doing nothing.

2. Go for a short trip oversea. I think I wouldn't wanna waste money going for long holidays this year, don't want to contradict with my first resolution. So I would plan to go for short oversea trips.

3. To pass my ACCA. Target, at least 1 paper. I am beginning to attend classes for my P5 paper, so I guess I could achieve this real soon. Afterall I have stopped studying for 4 damn years. It may be a lil difficult for me to work and study at the same time but I think I can still manage 1 paper in a year.

So, my short goals would be:
1. Expanding/ changing my work portfolio.
2. Get my room a small renovation. 

3. On a diet. Lose up till I am at 50kg and below.

So, I think that is about all. I hope this year, exciting things would happen to me.

**End**