The Twenty-Third!

It's the end of another month again. Days really is moving very fast in my working life.

Work has been really hard on me these weeks. Pretending to feel nothing when I was blamed. Or suppress my anger when those idiots scolded me tho it's not my fault while smiling back at them without answering them back. Talking politely altho I was scolded hardly.

And after all the hardness I went through with all the grudge I held, I still have to smile back at them, greeting them.

But in my mind, I would be like; 'fuck you, bitch!'

I mean seriously, this is so not me. I'm not like this at all. I fight back for my every rights but it is all different during work. I should not. I restrain, I control, I restrict, I apologize for something I wasn't wrong.

And I hate it.

Had a few dissatisfaction with my colleagues lately of my department. Can't stand both of their attitudes at all. I just hope they leave fast enough for me to stay in peace.

Anyway, hang out with Yin Yin and Hoay Hoay and Daniel last week. It has been a while. Felt a bit happy and a bit bored.

 My childhood friend! Known him for like 13years already!

Yin Yin called me yesterday telling me about her boyfriend. I mean like seriously, it lets me had a real thinking about guys. Why are they all so... ... ... I don't even know how to describe them. It's like when they want you, they do anything for you. And when they got you or not, they would assume those doings as sacrifices, one sided from him only.

I concluded that if he would think in this way, he's not worth being loved at all.

Anyway, for the last few weeks, Beng has been bringing me around to hang out a lot. Feeling really happy! A day without work, pressure, studies, just fun!

 A night with the boys!

  A day with Beng and Tatt Yik! Really enjoyed my day!

 

 

 An overnight at Starbucks!

 Just hanging around!

Thanks a lot! I'm glad I had such a good buddy like you!

Lately, have been missing those days so much. That 30 months life. Couldn't say it out, could just act so normal that it sometimes hurts a lot.

**End**

31st Month Anniversary and Others

Yes, it's the 4th of the month again. Time has passed so fast, especially when I'm working.

It's our anniversary again. Furthermore, we've been separated for a month already.

Yet, I'm still not used to this kind of life, still misses those time when I have another person in my life.

He called yesterday, misses his voice... As I listen, my tears roll drop by drop. Knowing finally, he is trying to hold his promise, his last promise to me that he would still wish me every 4th.

So, my working life is really helping me out with these days of my miserable life.

Keeping myself so busy that I just ignored what actually happened in real fact.

Also, keeping Teddy near to me is the only thing comforting me every night.

Sometimes, I'm getting used to it that I don't feel a thing at all. But sometimes, I just got that feel that I missed getting used to having him.

Sometimes, I would just wait. I don't know what I'm waiting but I just get so used to waiting for him to finish work before.

So, end of that topic.

My work life is getting better as I know them. Even at days, they would just make me laugh so hard that it made my day. Like how John and Jimmy co-operate to scare me by the stairs and laughed their ass off or tease lame jokes on me. Like how John is really helping me with my works and files a lot. Like how Yung Ching started to tell me lame jokes and talked to me and chat nonsense with me for no reasons. Like how Wilson is helping me out a lot lately. Like how Jeb is always teasing me that how did I always ended up wearing the same color shirt with Jordan and became Jordan's girl. And like how Jordan is always talking weird stuff and making it feels awkward and disgusting but still funny. And like how Sunny is really taking care of me a lot. Like how Ms. Kang would talked nonsense to the office just to make us happy and how she always molest me.

Trying hard to be happy. But sometimes, I really am.

However, until today, I still have a lil guilt in my heart is which I caused John to get scolded a bit badly due to my carelessness. Not to mentioned he had helped me so much but I couldn't even do such simple follow ups for him.

I would rather let Sunny scold me for my carelessness than him. Felt so guilty that night.

Being a middle person is really a hard thing to do. Especially in between a so-called 2 best friends. Hoong Yi is my colleague and of course I'm close to him. So, if he faces any problems, he would talk to me and stuff but he didn't want Beng to know. Although Beng didn't want to know about Hoong Yi's stuff, but I know he would be feeling a bit sad that among us 3 close friends, Hoong Yi and I have got things like secrets that he didn't know. Felt a bit guilty tho. Especially when I know he always treats me well.

[Altho this picture isn't what it means but it describe me best in my situations]

Tien Wooi and I were really connecting quite a lot through feeling lately cause we are 2 same situation people. After that night at the hotel stay, we were a bit related to each other when it comes to emotions. I really pity him cause I know what he feels.

But one thing I know is I would really want a freedom for at least a period of time. Altho I'm still not used to being alone after 2years+ being double, but still I love being free. I'm just so sick of having people controlling me. I know they don't but their presence kept making me restrict myself from certain things.

And am just so sick of these people who treats me so well when they wanted me, so well that they give me everything I want; but never once admit until when I'm tired of waiting, they just give up as if it's my fault.

Being free is the only thing I yearn for currently, as I can do what I want and it doesn't come with a connection.

So, studies have been a lil pressure lately, so thought of dropping off 1 subject.

Friends are getting lesser. Especially when I need them most.

**End**