A Teller

06/04/2013

Today, I went all the way to the mainland to see that master for seeing my fate. Well, of course I went with some peoples... Hui, Fook and Michelle.

I'll skip the dilly dally part on how we get there and stuff.

I was called into the master's room. He remembered me. Lolz... Anyway, I started asking about my work and job. I got 'The Ace' with a bright sword picture on it. It says I'm ok with it. I'll sure find a job with no problem and my studies will be good. And so I asked him of I could continue studying. Well, I guess he answered with his own opinion I guess but the way he tells me makes me think that, I should. Of course, work too I need it but a qualification is important too.

Then I asked him about people relationship. It shows a card where there's a general sitting on a horse with some soldiers towards the right (The one I got it last year for my relationship prob.) It says I'm the general and there are soldiers who would listen to me. But I'm not those optimistic and the automatic type of person when it comes to people. I would not be the first to talk. I'm more to defensive type. So I should change. Yes, indeed. And he asked if I'm in trouble of all the sudden, who would I think of first. I was thinking Kar Ming, Eugene then my family. Then he said, it's because my circles of friends are too small. Not enough. So I have to expand it. Then he asked me if one day I've got an interview and the boss immediately approved me to be a MANAGER of a branch, how do I feel. I said I would be scared, cause I'm scared that the people wouldn't listen and follow me. So, he said that's what I have to brush up.

Then I told him about the people around me. The group, circles of friends would always go disgrouped or messed up. Then he gave me an advise, which dinner would not dismiss? Then I said they like to talk bad about me and blame that I'm the one who broke them. So I said, " I don't know it's whether I have a problem..." And he immediately said that it's not my problem. People are like that. It feels innocent that we always got blamed. But who cares? People like to talk, just let them talk. I understand this point of view where the best people are the one who stay silent and steady although there are a lot of talkings about you. But I always just can't stand it and get angry over it myself. He said it's like that cause people are always like that.

Then I asked him about my family. He asked if my mum and I are okay. I said yes but it's more to my dad. He said the card I got is telling about me and my mum but since we're ok, then it's fine. Then I told him about my dad and he recommended me bamboo salt. I told him my dad is scared. but he advice me it's a no choice thing.

Then I asked him about my boy. I got not a very good card. It's warning me if something is not done, we're going our separate ways. It's a card where a girl wrapped herself in a corner facing right and a half blind and half no leg guy walking away with a walking stick facing the left. He told he it says either one of us are not working together or not having a similar thought. Especially me. He said the card is talking about me. I'm not taking initiative in responding to his talks. I should give him more supports to have him to be more confidence. Otherwise it's a no good thing.

Then I asked about my mum and him. The card shows a woman holding a stick over her head telling me that my mum is defending over this! Shit. My mum is still not over with this?! I thought she would be more ok with it. So he adviced me to tell eugene to do something over these years. I mean seriously, he tells me with my look and qualification, why can't I get a better one? But love is not about that, it's about feel. But he tells me, if he's not changing, then it's time I should be thinking for myself. It's not being selfish but it's for my own good.

Then I asked about the cards I got last year which says some guy is gonna fight for me with eugene on the June. But it never happened. Then he said I should be thankful. Why think back. I said I was scared it might happen but it has been long passed. He said one thing about tarrot cards is that it's very accurate. But our fate is changing everyday. So if it's over, it's a good thing it never happen.

Then I asked about myself. I wanted to ask generally but I got a card which says it doesn't wanna let me ask anymore questions. The card is a boy holding a stick with money trees growing behind him. I asked if my life in future would be nicely go on with my plans. The card tells me it's all about hardwork. Of course I'll live good if I put hardwork in it. I understand. Felt so stupid to ask that actually.

Master knew I had another question to ask but the tarrot card wouldn't allow so he told me to hold the cards and tell it thank you but I still need to ask one last question. I asked, the last card I got last time, was a tower being attacked and master asked me if I lost everything one day, what should I do. I asked if that day has happened. I got 'The Devil' Card. A devil carrying a woman. He said he seriously, if I can live in a difficult life. I said NO. Honestly, NO. I cannot. But I don't quite understand how this question relates to the card. He said if I still wanna be with my current boyfriend, I should be prepared. Cause most of the girls like me would be crying going back home to our own family. Cause we're not prepared. Well, I still don't understand how it is related to the card.

But I just want to know one thing that, that card I got last year wasn't related to my family. He said no but he asked why. Cause I told him I'm scared. If I myself lost anything or happen anything to me, it's ok but I don't what it to happen to the people around me. He knew what I meant was my dad. I can't hold it cause I can't lose any of the important people around me especially my family members. I cried. I was really scared. He told me the same thing like last year, if I were to sleep today, I wouldn't guarantee I would be alive the nest morning. Same thing to my dad. He knows my dad is scared of the operation. I told him I am scared too. I was scared he wouldn't be able to pass the operation. He said I should tell my dad how much I love him and thank you and most importantly, forgiving. Forgiving for what I've done to make him sad or mad.Then he taught me to ask my dad about guaranteeing to be alive the moment we wanted to sleep. It will make him to be a happier guy and makes him understand we cannot guarantee we can be alive even today so why worry about the operation.

So in conclusion, he's telling me that of all the things, I should be prepared for everything. No matter it's about my life, living, my family and even about living poor with my future husband. So I guess it's a little link to the card? Where the feeling of fear and scared and not having preparation on what is going to happen is holding me.

Honestly, yes, I'm a very scared and fearful person. I'm scared of everything. That's why I don't dare to put anything above my standards. Cause I'm scared of failures. I cannot accept failures or anything not within my plans and expectations. I'm not prepared for anything outside. That's why I'm scared. And yes, I just realized it now. I'm scared.

But, he did make me feel secure of a lot of things like my future job, studies and especially my life plan.

**End**