Life has been really robotic for me lately. Ever since I started this work, I find my life not interesting at all. I do not know what I am doing everyday and night. All I know is that I wake up, I go to work, and I work again and I go home and I watch the tv endlessly until I fall asleep. Then it repeats again, and again, and again, and again...
I went to the fortune teller last Saturday, that master told me that all other jobs I'll be working in the future will be the same. So why change? I thought of changing my job lately, cause I've been really tired of deadline each and every month. So, I'm thinking to go a different path, thinking to go study again for another course. Neglecting my job.
When I started working, my friends told me, they are gonna concentrate more on their studies (professional papers) then their work while I'll concentrate more on my work than my papers. However, it seems like I'm the only person who is still insisting on my decision. But because I've passed my first 2 papers, I rewarded myself a rest for a semester without studies. Ya, right...a rest. It ended me up with a real stressed up working life. My work is really driving me crazy. Actually it's my boss who is driving me crazy.
I'm so stress that holidays or any trips wouldn't even let me rest well. All I think of is my job. Seriously, I'm really a stupid person. I know it's not worth dying for a Company, cause all the hardwork you did was all Company's profit, not yours. However, I still got so stress up for work.
No one can really help me except for myself. No one can really relax me except for myself. Life is so lame. Especially when you see some of your friends, earning so much more than you, you really got stress up and started thinking why can't you earn that much too? You're not any worst than them. But this is what I call fate. Maybe I might change it someday, but not now.
Whatever it is, I'm really tired of my life lately. In addition of my deteriorating health. I'm starting to worry for myself.
And when you realize, friends around you are going off one by one, and you're still stuck here, you get really down. And when you thought you had that one person in our life, he's the one person who's the busiest person you've ever met. And it's like, the whole world has abandoned you.
I don't know what I'm waiting for everyday. What is my goal? I don't know at all.
When I was a student, I wait for holidays and most of all, for the day I graduate. After I graduated, I wait for the day I start working. And now that I've started working, I don't know what am I waiting for. What should I be waiting for?
Sometimes, I just wanna go up to my boss and just tell her that "I QUIT!". I think I'll be really happy. I'll feel so free, so not stress up, no more responsiblilities. But when I thought of it thoroughly, I might miss those times there with my colleagues and manager. And maybe my new work wouldn't be as fun as this one.
And most of the time, I just wish I could just go home and do nothing.
**End**
