New Year Resolution 2022

 14/3/22

Unconsciously, the first quarter of year 2022 has almost passed! from the beginning of year 2021 was tough up till now for me. Only now did I have time to write and actually think about my resolution was because I'm on critical leave. So basically resting a while for now.

My 2021 New Year Resolution:

1. Save more money
2. Pass my last paper
3. Be a content expert at work

Short-term goals:
1. Loose weight
2. I just wanna be secure

1. Save more money

I somehow don't know how and why I did not save much although the pandemic was still hitting us. I didn't hang out a lot, neither did I spend on useless stuff too. I don't know how and where did all my savings go. Probably cause I am not allowed to claim OT anymore, so no extra income to save up? But I didn't lose a lot too.

2. Pass my last paper.

I neglect my studies full force in year 2021. I started the class at the beginning of the year but I was just too lazy to study and stop midway and left it there till now. Well, majority was i am not mentally ready to study cause I was focusing more on work during the year.

3. Be a content expert at work.
I made this a new year resolution last year cause I wanted a promotion very badly. So badly that for the whole of 2021, all I did was work. I couldn't focus on doing anything else except for work. Interviews after interviews, rejections after rejections. I cracked my brain day and night, stressing out how to outperform and what to own beyond my work. I became insomnia for the whole year, and even now I did not recover. I was so stress out with work and promotions that I had nightmares. Knowing my peers or juniors had promotions before me was so depressing and anxiety hits me each and every day. I was so depressed that I broke down in from of my boss crying so hard when she criticize my work for not doing well. I was even so desperate that I started praying day and night and believing and shifting ridiculous feng shui in my room and wearing lucky charms!

My countless interviews were all gone to drains that I had no more motivation by the last quarter of the year. Open positions were never consistent. They come and go and there were too much candidates waiting for those promotional positions. Many were already aiming for it from the very beginning. Those with really good networking would have gotten it even before the job requisition opens. And my interviews for those kind of jobs were just a surface act where I just introduce myself to them while trying to leave a good impression and impressed them. Nevertheless expand my network. Even when I know I didn't get the role, but I have to act like a positive person and still say I will work to improve on my job and interview sessions. Some interviewers were mean but some were very nice. But over an average of 2 interviews per month, approximately 10interviews later, I really got defeated. For a moment, I just stop. I was just so tired. But still I stood up straight and strong again for my last 2 interviews when my colleagues introduced me. My manager wasn't looking up on me and wasn't too confident that I would get the role. One in accounting and one in finance. I went full force for accounting but 3/4 force for finance.

And exactly 4th year anniversary working in Dell, I finally got the role in finance! I made it! I finally made it! My manager was distress cause she never thought I would succeed. Even if she does, she thought she could comment bad about me and made the interviewer think twice. But unexpectedly, the new manager did not get any comments from her but got it from my previous interviewers and those nice interviewers were helping me out and saying good things about me. She immediately offered me without telling my manager. I was so shocked and happy beyond words. I exploded! My hardwork finally paid off! I flew up in the sky, up above heaven that no words can describe beyond my happiness.

I made it! And I made it good cause I joined a team with the best manager in Dell. My promotional salary shoot up high rise beyond my expectation! I was underpaid for my senior analyst position in Dell all the while. So my work luck was accumulated throughout the year and made a blast at the end of the year! I mean my work luck was just so bad all year long and everyday was like working in hell. No one will understand the tears I shed and the blood I bled all year long just to get what I wanted for the past 4 years in Dell.

But the within the transition period, I was also working my ass off to transit all my things out and absorbing all the new job. It was hard but I'm happy, cause I finally made it.

4. Loose weight.
Yap, when you focus so much on 1 things, you lose focus on another. I gained weight.

5. I just wanna be secure.
This point to my relationship. Yea, I did cause I tried staying with him during the weekend to get used to his lifestyle and he did try to compromise with my demands too. We had an argument over getting married and buying a house but we manage to come with an agreement at least for a 3 years plan. So if everything turns out right, I should be engaged by the end of this year.

So, all and all, year 2021 was the toughest I've been in my 30 years living. But I made it through. It wasn't easy, but I made it. It was a year worth remembering. Not only to remember the victory I gain but also to remember the tears and blood shedding process I've gone through throughout the year. Now I'm proud to say I have finally achieved my second life goal; to earn at least RM5k per month by the age of 30. And I dare say I have achieved way beyond that now!

By the way, also a year to remember I sign my first S&P for my first house. It's located opposite my parent's house. Yea so, something to remember in my life too.

My 2022 New Year Resolution:

1. Pass my last paper (I have less than 2 years left, 7 sittings left)

2. Lose weight

3. Get engaged

Short-term goals:

1. Save more money for my new house renovation

2. Do well in my new job.

Well, the 1st quarter is almost ending and guess what? Majority of my family tested positive covid including me. My bro got it from work probably but as of today, a week has passed and we're all recovering. It wasn't that bad, but the worst was we were all quarantined and we couldn't get out of the house to buy some necessities. But other than that, it was all normal. Probably we already got used to the lockdown for the past 2 years.

For my friendship, I didn't get much time with KY these years, she's just too scared to get out from the house. I was closer to Ah Wei instead this year. She tend to call me every now and then to update me about important stuff like health, work, relationship and stuff. And I really appreciate it. A lot of my colleagues were all like friends to me now due to the lockdown. We don't talk much about work but personal stuff and I'm really glad we did.

Mei Mei & Balihai is growing up well. Very well and naughty.

Oh well, that's it for the year and I guess see you next year's new year resolution!

**End**

New Year Resolution 2021

 30/12/20

I kinda neglect this blog already. I would just use this to keep tract of my new year resolution for now.

As I grow older, I realized recording every detail events are not as important as I thought it were in the past. I try to live the present than to reminiscing or even mourn for the past.

My 2020 New Year Resolution

1. Pass one ACCA paper again.
2. Loose weight
3. Get a promotion at job

Short-term goals:
1. Repair my relationship
2. Rest more and spend more me time

Again, 2020 was kinda a disaster to the world due to the COVID-19 breakout. The Pandemic basically impact everyone's life. Definitely impacted mine.

I started working from home and it's like a forever thing. This year, there will be no OT claims, increments or promotions.

Studying has gone all webinars.

And being an introvert all over again.

So, one and half day to go before 2020 ends. My 2020 New year resolution:

1. Pass one ACCA paper again

I basically forced myself during the last minute to be able to be prepared for the December paper. I've definitely slacked off the first 3 quarters of the year and my exam was supposed to be in June but got delayed to September but I forgo the September paper and in the end, I don't know what strike me, I went full force studying in the last 2 months (basically took like 4 weeks off work/1month off in total) to focus on my studies.

Honestly, I've never studied this hard before. I just wanna pass this paper in the first attempt and not wanting to go through any of this process again! Half more month before the result comes out.

Oh, just wanna mentioned, I've got 2 study buddy for this paper. They went full force like me and attempted the December paper. Probably I influenced them :P

So, Not to sure but I really wanna fulfill this paper!

2. Loose weight.

Yes! I did it. The max I went was losing 7kg weight during the MCO. Now gaining a lil bit and it goes up and down from time to time. So averagely, I lose like 5kg?

3. Get a promotion at job.

Just forget it. I literally gave up.

4. Repair my relationship.

Yea, I did. During the MCO was really difficult. But after that we tried to fix it and it went quite well of all the sudden. I don't even recall how it happened, but I remember the first half of the year, there were all the arguing and quarrelling and shouting and stuff. But a lot have change after that but I'm still feeling insecure about this. But I knew everything started with 'PATIENT'.

5. Rest more and spend more me time.

Definitely. I mean the pandemic forced us to! I've been home like 70% of the time during the year! Working at home, studying at home, slacking at home and stuff. Nevertheless I treated myself better by buying stuff I like and bought myself a 5k+ phone without even thinking! Lol! So yea, achieved.

My 2021 New Year Resolutiom:

1. Save more money

2. Pass my last paper

3. Be a content expert at work

Short-term goals:

1. Loose weight

2. I just wanna be secure

Last but not least, i hope this pandemic ends soon and the COVID-19 is all vanished and life goes back the same way they were.

Year 2020 had taught me how to be grateful for my current way of life and appreciate what I owned.

**End**

New Year Resolution 2020

27/04/2020

Long story short, we'e back to the above title, a really late new year resolution for year 2020.

So, my resolution for 2019:
1. Save more money
2. Go for a oversea trip out of Asia
3. To loose weight

Short goals:
1. Pass at least one paper for ACCA
2. Treat myself better

I'm gonna post about a summary of my life in 2019 on a later post.

My 2019 resolution is basically achieved!

1. Save more money - Yap! Another at least 10k!
2. Go for a oversea trip out of Asia - Not exactly but in the middle east in Perth, Australia. It's fun but not really exciting.
3. Loose weight - A Total failure!

Short goals:
1. Pass one ACCA paper - Yes! I did it! Passed my P5 like finally! Proceeding with the next one.
2. Treat myself better - Not really though.


So my 2020 resolution:
1. Pass one ACCA paper again.
2. Loose weight
3. Get a promotion at job

Short goals:
1. Repair my relationship
2. Rest more and spend more me time


So basically, a quarter of 2020 has passed. And now we're at a pandemic mode for the COVID-19 virus outbreak, so we're working from home and I've been working from home since early March until today.

Due to the outbreak I can confirm my 3rd resolution will not be achieved as my Company had decided to cut cost by no people movement in the Company.
Studying ACCA has been hard for me cause only online classes are available and I didn't attend any of them so far.
I am already loosing weight due to the lockdown. Not because we have no food to eat, but I could adjust my appetite.
He's working in KL so we can't really connect with each other well during the lockdown.
I indeed rest very well and had a lot of me time but I still need to be productive in working out my stuff at home like clearing old cloths, cosmetics, improving my art skills and etc.

But I'm still working towards for 2020 resolutions. Wish me luck!

**End**

New Year Resolution 2019

12/01/2018

A late New Year Resolution post again this year.

Recapping last year's resolution:

1. Save more money

2. Go for a short trip oversea

3. Pass my ACCA

Short goals:

1. Expanding/ changing my work portfolio

2. Get my room a small renovation

3. On diet. Lose up to a result below 50kg

So, I really saved quite a lot this year. Basically because I didn't go for a long trip this year. But still manage to fulfill my second resolution, went to Hatyai twice and almost went to Singapore. I did started my ACCA studies again but I failed twice. So let's try again in 2019.

My short goals, I changed my work portfolio but in a sad situation. I did moved a lil here and there with my room's furnitures so I would consider it a partial renovation. I definitely did not lose weight at all, all because of my teammate!

A recap for this year;

My year 2018 is all about working life in Dell. I devote most of my time to work related stuff like work or teammates, colleagues or even events in Dell.

I got really close to my teammates. We went to Hatyai together, had an apartment stay, Christmas dinner and etc.

 

Then I became part to GPTW pillar in Dell, so basically all fun events in our organisation were organised by us and I am either one of the organizers or helpers. It was really troublesome but also fun I would admit.

But In Around September, our team got broken up. So we all went to our separate ways. That is when I fulfilled my short resolution one. But it was a sad way. I made a small album for each of us as memory. And that is also when Billy left Dell. This year, I witness 3 close friends left Dell; Jordan, Jimmy and Billy. I see my friends leave one by one and I felt that I have lesser and lesser friends there. I was hardest seeing Jimmy left Dell, all because he was the closest to me in Dell.

Working in a new role has been really stressful. But my goal is to prove to my boss that I am worth staying back. But recently has been a disaster. I am not really in a mood to work. Mainly because of that man.

He broke up with me in October. It broke me so much. He ruined my life, my dream, my future and my everything. I begged him to come back but he didn't until I threaten him to, only he would. I admit we grew distance after I entered Dell, but I never expect he would give up on me. In between during the year, I've tried lots of ways for us to spend time together but now, all has gone to the big wide ocean. 

Now we are in a complicated relationship. I don't even know how to fix it. It has been almost 4 months. I don't wanna give up but too much pressure and too much hurtful words were thrown at each other. We tried a few ways like going for a short trip, still celebrating our 5th anniversary and stuff like that but to me, it didn't really work. But I really hope that this is a disaster that we had to go through before we enter to another stage of happiness. I just hope that this disaster is over soon.

Anyhow, because if this, I grew distance with my family. He dragged in my mum and it made me felt like I don't wanna go home to face them all cause all they do is annoyingly ask me about us. So I usually stayed back in office till late.

Baby has been growing up a lot! This lil brat, still love him so much. Felt really reluctant to go to wok every morning when I see him before leaving for work.

I rarely see my friends too lately. After growing close to my foodie buddy teammate, Terry, I rarely put effort in meeting my friends cause all of them are not making the effort to see me. It's always me doing the initiation which made me feel so annoyed. But now that Foodie Buddy has got a partner, I grew distance with him. (This teaches me a lesson not to grow close to new friends as, the older you meet someone new, the faster they enter and exit your life. By then the person hurting is you alone.) Once again, lose another close friend. KY has been really caring about me and my relationship. We didn't really meet often but we're still really close. Don't mention Ah Wei. She's the worst. I didn't really manage to meet up with long lost friends like Ah Xeng, Alice, Amanda and etc. Last minute I managed to catch up with Molli and the juniors.

But my 31st December 2018 ended with tears. My 1st January 2019 started with work. It didn't really ended and began well. I hope the year would still be fine.

So, my resolution for 2019:

1. Save more money

2. Go for a oversea trip out of Asia

3. To loose weight 

I will still cap my limit to at least RM10k cause I am targeting to travel to New Zealand this year, so would need to spend a certain amount of money. To loose weight. I seriously needed to. I really lose some weight in between October, all because I almost never had a proper meal for days, but gained a lot more in December.

Passing my ACCA would be a lil challenging as I'm more focused on work this year cause I'm aiming for a promotion in year 2020. Treating myself better is because at the end of 2018, my heart broke twice. Also, I would buy things for myself and not be stingy to myself anymore.

Short goals:

1. Pass at least one paper for ACCA

2. Treat myself better

Again, each and every year teaches me to grow stronger. In year 2018, reminds me of how it feels to have your heart broken again and also teaches me to maturely handle situations. Thank you and farewell.

**End**

Work Related Progress

14/09/2018

In just 1 month, a lot have changed.

My team, the EMEA side has restructuring, where our work are gonna be transferred to Bucharest and we're now basically jobless. The good part is that we are able to rotate to other teams, the bad part is that we are separating.

I'm not bragging or so, but I'm among the lucky ones within the team. I've only been in Dell for 8months, therefore I am not eligible enough for a promotion. After the announcement of  the restructuring, I had a 1 on 1 with my manager. She invited me to join her team in the APJ side. But I thought that this is the chance that I could rotate earlier as compared to other colleagues. From the time I entered Dell, Jordan has been telling me to join the Revenue team. And co-incidentally, Revenue Team is actually hiring. So I actually went for a indirect interview and I succeeded.

Initially, withing Dell for the past 8months, I have always wanted to join the APJ part of Intercompany Team, cause I've never thought I have the chance to move out within this 1 and a half year time. But it is a bit stressful that of all the sudden, this actually happened, and I couldn't accept the fact that I'm actually moving out. I'm not ready at all.

My manager was wishing that I would join her (probably it's because Terry is rotating and she couldn't find a right candidate). But at the same time I didn't wanna waste this opportunity to rotate out early. After many discussion with many colleagues (whether or not I know them), I decided to stay in the APJ side. My teammates are all really dissapointed in me.

For the first reason that I think my manager wouldn't like if I rotate to another organisation. She was expecting me to stay or to join the GAS organization. But unexpectedly, I went beyond. Another reason is that I'm really not ready to join the new team. There are too many uncertainties there. Too risky. So I decided to stay.

So, my team is separating in like a month time. But luckily, we're still in the same floor except for Xian Zheng. He's going to like another dimension of work with a promotion. Terry has been promoted too and going to the payroll team.

It feels so sad when I first knew we're actually separating. At times, I would have teary eyes when I thought of it. I mean, we are all really one family. Billy too said he's really sad. There's one day after his meeting, he came out really emotional.  went dinner with him after that and he tod me he's really emotional cause for one moment he realized that we're actually separating. In Dell, for us accounting department, we're one of the most united team compare to other teams. So it's really a sad thing.

Also, Jordan has left Dell. I basically have no friend. In just a blink of an eye, everything change. In just a month time, we're gonna be so different. I would really miss the time when Billy and I would turn to each other and talk about random stuff. I would really miss the time when I would hear Xian Zheng and Pei Ee tease each other. I would really miss the time when Terry would IM all of us for lunch and also would randomly say those X-rated topics with us.

Lunch would be so different without them. Our cube would be so different without them. Our team building would be so different without them. (now that I'm saying these, I'm actually having teary eyes). Everything would be so different without them.

I just chose to go right where nothing is left.

**End**

Feeling Guilty

04/08/2018

Writing about negative stuff relating my workplace is really not a good thing. Cause I do have happy moments at work. I mean at least up till now, there isn't a day where I hate going to work. I would say mostly it's because of the flexible time my Company has for us as employees. And also it's because we have one day a week to work from home.

For the last 8 months at work, a lot of happy stuff do happen. Aside from me being sad that there is not enough work for me to do or the politic part, other stuff are all alright. Most probably it's cause we have such nice teammates too as friends (not colleagues).

We had events from time to time from Dell. Like FIFA day, CNY roadshow, CSR, farewell video making for the VP, quarterly birthday celebration and many more. All these are really interesting.

 

 

 

 

A lil smaller view, cause we are all under a director in China which is also related to the Statutory team beside us. So, usually we would join their acivities. (Although sometimes there are conflict between our teammates on whether we wanna join them or not). We had like laser battles, a manager's farewell and basically that's all but usually they would also take care of us cause one of their senior advisor is our acting manager. We also have team building when my manager is down in Penang. And quarterly, we have team lunch!

Also, from our own team view, we usually have birthday celebrations. In the whole 5 years of my working life, I only celebrated 3 (including this year's) with colleagues. The last 2, there isn't any cake either. This year is the first time my colleagues actually celebrated my birthday with a birthday cake. (Although there are some conflict with one of my teammate cause we didn't celebrate his).

 

We even planned our own trips or eat out or apartment stay with steamboat and stuff like that for ourselves.

 

As for individuals, I usually will have dinner or a short hang out with one or two teammates off work. I usually go for dinner with Terry most. At times we would call out Billy or Wen Hui. Sometimes, I would just have girls talk with Wen Hui. Previously I even had a baking cake activity with Terry.

 

 

 

 

Sometimes, I find my teammates really nice people. I mean avoiding the fact that they defend themselves during working hours, they are really taking care of me from time to time. Like how Xian Zheng would buy us food at times, like how Billy would always listen to my complains and grumpiness and teach me a lot of work related stuff, like how Wen Hui would invite me to certain non-dell activities, like how Terry would always ensure that I'm not hungry. 

 

 

I would admit that mostly it's Terry who has been taking care of our whole team. But just because we have the same interest where we love to eat so much, he would usually bring me out for food. The deepest impression was when I was on my study leave for my exam, one day, he bought vitagen (my energy drink) from the office and brought it to me.

Sometimes, lunch could be fun! But sometimes, lunch could be depressing. When I sensed the depressing part, I would usually avoid lunch with them. To avoid, I used to have lunch with Jimmy but he had left Dell. Jordan is always busy tho. Now that Sherine has rotated to the department upstairs, I could now go lunch with her anytime.

 

But then again, this job has proved me right again; I am still always in good terms with the guys more than the girls. I really find myself happier with the guys than the girls. I don't know why but when I am always good with the guys, the girls would always criticize me and stuff like that happens (maybe due to jealousy). And this time, in his job is happened again. But I'm really used to it now.

Overall, I like my team as friends.

**End**

Half of 2018

29/07/2018

Again, 7 months have passed in year 2018. What have I achieved so far?

Financially, I've saved more than usual. Entertainment wise, I have had short trips and there wouldn't be any overseas trip in the second half of the year. I have taken my ACCA exam for one paper. Unfortunately I've failed that paper. First time in my 27 years I've actually fail in an examination! Unexpectedly I'm not as devastated as I thought I would be. Probably cause I've already expect what's coming. (See! This is a good side of a negative thinker!)

Work wise, I've expand a lil bit of my portfolio, but it was taken back. So I'm still looking forward for opportunities. Health, I've not been sick as often as I was previous years. My health was better this year. I've been eating a lot more this year! Mostly cause I've met Terry as my foodie buddy.We went for food hunt and dinners frequently. So I've not lose any weight but gained a lot! I'm now the fattest and most out of shape in my whole of 27 years life!!

Baby is growing up really well and getting more of a spoil brat! I've not really spend time with my family this year due to work tho.

My bro finally got married this year. It was such a pack event. During those period, I am having my exam, my closing of monthly account, 1 wedding dinner to attend, grandma's birthday dinner to attend and yet I have to help manage my bro's wedding. OMG! And also my birthday going on!

This year, I realized I have neglect my friends a lot due to work. Even my best friends. But they have really disappoint me this year. All these years, no matter how busy I am, once they need me, I never fail to accompany them! Even now that I'm at Dell, I still am the same. Sadly, they don't do the same. I've been needing them quite a lot lately but they never showed up. Even when we said we would have a date, they never turned up. We have seem to distance a lot. It hurts me a lot.

I didn't really realise the situation we are in until Terry said 1 sentence "Now you should have realized yourself about them." Once he said that, I felt my eyes heated up with tears and my heart felt a sharp pierce. I held myself back while digesting the fact. I try to tell myself maybe they didn't realized that I need them cause I didn't show. But I always thought whether or not I need them, they should have taken the initiative to date me instead of me making the effort to see them all the time! I am really unhappy but also fed up at the same time.

Being in Dell, I have made a buddy with Terry. He's like a really good friend to me. Like how I was with Alice previously. But we became buddy in such a short time that it scares me a lot! I felt really exposed in front of him actually. He had the aura that made me tell him a lot of my personal life. Unconsciously, I had been telling him about my daily schedule during a period of time. Although he always say he didn't know a lot about me and he did mentioned that he has told me a lot about his personal life to me. Lately, I've tried to resist myself from hanging around him having the reason that he's really very busy with his work. He has not really have random conversations with me too lately. It's either he's really busy with his work or he has realized the same as me.

Among all the friends I made during work, he's really knowledgeable and smart with successful businesses privately! He's so perfect that at times, I can't believe I actually am friends with him!

Also, because of his existence, my man has became a lil more concern about our relationship. In which I'm really happy inside. He has made our relationship really dull these couple of years. Nothing exciting really. Until Terry's existence, I guess he's really afraid if Terry is actually into me and I might be into him too. Although it feels like a joke for life but I like to keep it this way! At least his concern towards this matter made him make an effort to excite our love life, I hope.

**End**

The New Working Life

29/07/2018

Half the year has gone by. I don't know how but I somehow managed to survive in the whole new environment in my working life. Actually, it was really alright at the very beginning but as months passed by, it gets worst.

It has been 8 months in Dell. But it feels like it has been a year or so. I don't know why it felt like I've been there longer than I am. Most probably I became really close friends with my team mates there. But when it comes to work/ portfolio, I kept on convincing myself that 8 months in a whole new kind of work is still really new.

Why do I find surviving in Dell up till now is like a miracle? Cause as I get to know more about Dell and their culture, I find it really difficult for me to fit in. It's like not my kind of working environment. Honestly, up till now, I can't get used to the accounting system I'm using or understanding the whole process of what I'm doing. Nevertheless, not used to being all friendly and talkative towards everyone. No, I don't like to socialize with strangers. Dell is too big. The organization I'm in alone is already too big for me!

Also, my manager is in China. I can't really have someone to talk to when I'm in need. She's not even my direct reviewer! Although my reviewer has report that I've good performance, but it still doesn't give me a sense of security! What stressed me out most is when there are questions running in my mind, I can't ask my teammates.

For work reason; 

1. They make me look stupid.

2. It makes me feel stupid.

3. Some of them don't give me the answer I want.

4. They make me feel like they are trying to invade my work.

For politic reason;

1. I'm not supposed to ask them for advice.

2. It feels like I'm giving them a bullet to shoot myself.

3. I can't see how they could or would help me.

Sometimes, I'm desperate to look for a mentor from other organization to seek advice when I'm in need. But it is a lil difficult tho. So when I'm in a serious situation or doubt, I usually seek for Jordan. I mean at least he helps me to feel better. I usually would talk to Terry too but he's in our team so I didn't want him to know too much at times. It also feels like he belittle me at times. I mean it is all from my own feelings and thoughts and maybe my egoistic behavior that he makes me feel so although he doesn't mean to.

My teammates as friends, they are all good friends but as colleagues, sometimes I just hope we're not. I really enjoy chit chatting with them about non-Dell topics or do activities which are non-Dell related. But when it comes to Dell related, they seem to look down on me and treat me like a fresh graduates. I mean I don't portray myself like I'm a knowledgeable person (maybe cause I really am not in this environment) but I definitely have my own strength and knowledge in other area which could help me to survive here in Dell, afterall I've been in the outside world for the last 5 years.

I may portray my negative thoughts at most of the times but that doesn't mean I don't have any positive thoughts at all! A negative thinker doesn't mean she can't do her work well you know! Doesn't mean she doesn't have a happy life. Doesn't mean she has a life crisis! I have negative thoughts at most times cause I'm a very cautious person. I like to live my life all under my control. I like to live my life according to my plans. So I would always think the negative side of each situation to prepare for the worst! Is that even wrong?

Okay, the more I elaborate, the more I'm sure that these problems I have now is mostly due to my egoistic behavior. Anyway, my portfolio itself doesn't convince me that I'm gonna be promoted any sooner. That's what sadden me. When I was in my previous jobs, each and every year, 12 month, I'm always looking forward for a promotion and I always got what I expect. In Dell, I see my next promotion in at least 2 and a half year time which is a lil too long for me! I feel so vulnerable there.

I am a lil sure that I didn't like Dell is both Jimmy and Jordan's resignation. It feels like I've lost my best companions in Dell. I make new friends (I really mean friends) in Dell but they just don't give me the friendship Jordan and Jimmy gave me. No, not even Terry (although I've been really good friend with this guy all these while). I could just say they don't understand me for who I really am.

Still I can conclude that I still don't feel like resigning. I still think that I can survive for like a year or so. Most of them would think that what I worry was the toughness of a work. In all my 5 years working life, I am never worry if a job is too tough. I only worry that opportunities would not appear.

Fingers cross.

**End**